The Only Thing (KyloXReader)

Untouchable

You made your way to the mess hall in a slight daze. After arriving from his assignment to find another man's hand on you, Kylo was in a bit of a state. It took hours for him to stop threatening the man whose name you weren't allowed to think of, let alone speak to.

You didn't care about him, so promising to stay away from him was easy, and Kylo seemed much more agreeable afterward.

It was odd. You weren't sure why it had mattered to him that much. It's not like you were in a relationship. You SHOULD be able to speak to whomever you like. You SHOULDN'T picture a cold visor staring at you anytime another man so much as glanced your direction. But you did. You couldn't help it.

You got your dinner without a comment, or even a thank you to the Droid working the line. You sat at an empty table and numbly picked apart the tasteless food in front of you.

What did you want?

It was a question you had asked yourself several times over. You never had an answer, not a real one anyway.

You loved the way you felt when you were around Kylo when you weren't terrified, that was. You had lived your life up to that point with no one to lean on. You had learned early on that no one would come to your rescue. It was up to you to save yourself.

Then he did.

Finally, you didn't need to constantly look over your shoulder. You could sleep with your back, not facing a wall, with a weapon not within reach. You didn't even have to think about the best way to defend yourself because he would never let anything touch you.

When he was away on assignment, you would realize just how different you felt in his presence. He was intimidating to everyone, but to you, he was a safe harbor.

When he wasn't livid with the thought of another man touching you, he was a comfort. He was an ocean with gentle, cresting waves, and you wanted to drown in him.

It was extremely difficult to understand why you would feel so safe near such a dangerous man.

You fought against the warmth inside your chest that always decided to show when you thought of him. It's not like you could ever have a normal relationship with him, so why even entertain the idea?

Because you wanted it.

You knew it would never happen, he'd never be that for you. Now that you knew what it was like to fall asleep being held by possibly the most terrifying man in the galaxy, you'd never be happy with less. Any man you met, you'd compare to him. They'd never live up to the expectations Kylo Ren had set for you.

You were doomed.

Your thoughts were interrupted when you felt the table shake and your eyes met the concerned face of Finis.

"Hey, are you okay? The Commander seemed pissed at you earlier."

Shit shit shit.

You shouldn't be around him, Kylo was on station today. He could walk in any second.

"I'm fine, I was just leaving, actually."

You got up to make your way out, and a rough hand grasped at your wrist, pulling you to a stop.

"What's the matter? Seems like you're running from me."

You didn't know how to respond. How to tell him that you were, in fact, running, but not out of fear of him. It was fear for him. You couldn't explain that being in your proximity was dangerous.

"I'm not running from you, Finis. I just think it's best if we're not around one another."

You took your wrist from his grasp and crossed your arms across your chest.