Wait For Me 🎈🌟

Chapter Seven ~ There's a Reason

Tsukasa's POV:

Rui's lips were chapped and dry, unlike my softer and more taken care of ones. He kissed me until he needed breath and parted, his soft yellow as staring into my amber ones.

Why did I like that? Oh my stars...don't tell me...!

🎈: "Sorry...I umm...I shouldn't have done that..."

My eyes softened as he said that. Why? What is wrong with me?

I didn't like him! I was meant to be helping him, yes, but then he kissed me and that plan was thrown out of my mind. Did I actually want him, too? Maybe...he's so sweet and caring, and he understands me. But I don't deserve him.

🌟: "I don't deserve you..."

Rui's eyes saddened and his hands came back to my cheeks, and I felt comforted by him.

🎈: "Don't say such a thing."

🌟: "But it's true! I've hurt you so badly that nothing you can ever say will make me feel like I deserve you! You should find someone who didn't ruin your life and bully you to suicide."

Rui just stared at me with hurt eyes, before he took his hands back.

🎈: "But I want to forgive you. You didn't mean any of that..."

🌟: "I did! I know I did..."

Rui frowned even more, before trying to reach out and hold my hand.

🎈: "I can tell that you didn't. You were acting impulsively, not off of how you actually felt. You made the rash decision of not reading my apology letter that lead into a domino effect of mistakes."

I shook my head and looked away from him. He wasn't listening! I knew that I meant it...I remember...

Wait. I didn't.

I never wanted to hurt Rui. I was just hoping that he would apologize to me face-to-face like I was hoping he would. I then got very upset when he didn't, because he was too shy, and I took my anger out on him.

Rui was right...

I looked back at him, tears in my eyes.

🌟: "How do you know that...?"

Rui's gaze faded back to pure adoration, and I felt my heart squeeze in my chest.

🎈: "You can't tell...? Tsukasa, you obviously have some sort of mental illness or disorder. You're not alone, too."

I froze up. A mental disorder...?

🌟: "No...that can't be right...!"

I blurted out, feeling a little bit upset at that information. Rui, however, rolled his eyes and pulled me in for a hug.

🎈: "Calm down, Tsukasa. It's not bad, you just need some extra help. And if it makes you feel better, I have autism."

My anger drifted away as I listened to Rui and accepted his comfort.

🌟: "Could you...help me figure out what it is...? My disorder..."

🎈: "Of course. We could do some research and then go to a psychiatrist to make sure. And Tsukasa-kun, I promise that you'll feel so much better when you can understand yourself. And I'll help to accommodate you."

I smiled softly as I soaked in all of Rui's words. I felt so good to be understood. And maybe Rui can help me learn to either deal with my self or fix it all.

🌟: "I'd like that..."

...

It didn't take long for Rui to find a list of disorders that loosely fit me, and then I looked at them to narrow it down.