Not Perfect -Poetry-

Pain

To say it hurt wouldn't make sense because our definitions of pain are totally different. Some people lust over pain and others do not. Some people live so long that they no longer feel minor pains like cuts and bruises. Others could die.

My pain I feel is not physical but more emotional. The second he walked anyway I knew it would start. The restlessness didn't help. The fact that I know longer wanted to move if he wasn't here. No longer being mothers perfect Little son hurt a lot too. Slowly losing the people I love but not because of death. But because of a bad decision.

I didn't chose for this to happen nor did I chose to start this at all. All I wanted was to continue my life alone and free slowly gaining money for myself and my pets but then he came along. He is the reason my pets are gone. Always complaining they make a mess and cost a lot. He is the reason I no longer talk. I can't talk even if I wanted too.

My voice is long gone, poisoned almost to death. Burnin my vocal cords and ruining my throat. I wish I could take it all back but now no one can hear my screams for help. All I have is the internet. I have many friends online but they don't know what goes on in my life. They think I'm always happy writing my stories and posting pictures of the "good" times I had.

I had everything I wanted. I had my perfect job but he made me leave it to manage the house. I had a house before he stopped working too and we had no money to pay the bills. I have pets to care for and family to love but he sent them all away. I don't know where they are or if they even miss me but I miss them. I love them. Do they even remember me? Do they feel this pain too?

Would you even call this pain or would you say "That's life but you gotta get over it."

Would you say "stop moping around and go find someone else."

Would you say "I told you girls are better."

Would you say "that's what you get faggot"

Because I have heard it all.

I don't think it's that much pain but it does hurt.

You read about pain in your fan-fic all the time about how the mate gets rejected and they almost die. Yea well I didn't get rejected at first.

At first everything was fine. It was perfect in fact. I would never ask for more but I got more than I needed and ruined it all. Now I'm sitting in a dark room with padded walls.

They sent me away and told me to think. I don't think this would be classified as pain either.

Would the constant shot she classified as pain?

Would the screams of help from the others classify as pain?

Can I even feel pain when on these drugs.

I want to feel normal again. I want to be able to walk outside and breathe the fresh air. I want to hear the wind and birds chirping. I want to hear the traffic in the street and feel the earth under my feet. I want to be free of this pain.

Would this even be classified as pain?

I want to be free of my mind. Constantly being reminded of everything. I have done in my life. I know that I have did wrong and I just want to continue my life as a different person but I am in constant pain caused by my mind and I don't know how to escape it. I want to be free of the thoughts and free of the the feeling and emotion as a human being.

The only way to be free is to be dead but I don't want to die just yet I have a few people I need to see when I get out. I have questions to ask and places I want to see.

If possible I want the whole world, just to look at and examine to see what other people go through and how they handle it. I wanna know how other people react the problems like mine.

Do they fight for what they want?

Do they ever lose hope that someday might be the day that they can walk out on their own two feet?

Do they have children?

How much of their lives did they actually lose to their mind?

You may think you're in control now hit wait you're not. It's all a game of pain put together by the minds of everyone around you.

Watch your step you may regret it one day.

Don't talk to those people. Don't tell them your secrets they'll think you're crazy. Don't tell them about the voices in your head. Or how they scream at you with our ever getting loud enough for anyone else to hear. Don't tell them about your friend that visits in the night. You'll get locked up and chained to a wall. A whole new feeling of pain.

Yet some may say all of this is bad. I do enjoy the pain.

I enjoy hearing their screams and sharing them bleed. I love hurting them further for what they haven't done. Why should they get to be safe and out of harms way.

I have took it upon myself to show them what pain really is. It may not be death or murder and cutting them. But there's a limit to all people as to how much they can actually handle and I will push those limits.

If I can't be happy then no one can.

If I have to be in pain as do you.

I don't care about what you think is right and wrong. I told you all you need to know and currently I want you to turn around. We will begin with your heart.

So do you love me or am I just a pain?