is there anything more beautiful than watching the love of your life sleeping?
i don't think so.
even though some people might think it's a little bit creepy, i personally enjoy seeing billie in such a vulnerable state. for a second, all the pain inside her eases and she doesn't look like she's suffering.
her eyebrows stop scrunching together, and she doesn't need to flash those fake smiles at everyone. she can drop the character for a minute, and be her true self, no matter what it means that very day.
as i crawl into the bed besides her, i feel my heart clenching with the need to give her a big, loving kiss. - i don't do that, though. that would freak the shit out of her, and i don't want fear to be the first thing she feels when she finally sees me after being away on tour for two months.
i don't care that i'm still in the same clothes i travelled in. the hotel bed feels comfy, and all i want to do is to drown on billie's arms and never walk away from her again.
after these painfully long 53 days and nights, my body longes for her touch. sometimes i find myself rubbing my own arm or whispering sweet nothings into air by myself, just to search for the same comforting and safe feeling her doing those things brings to me.
that's a little pathetic, and something i totally won't confess to billie.
careful to not wake her up, i lift the covers from her body and crawl under them. i wrap my arms around her warm torso, while placing my leg on top of hers and my hands on her soft stomach.
my hair is still a little bit wet from the rain outside. the journey from the aiport to the hotel wasn't quite fun in a storm, but as i cuddle into billie's body, it feels totally worth it.
outside the room a lighting strikes somewhere nearby, and i gently squeeze billie's hand in mine. even though she's not awake, i know that she usually feels pretty scared by lightnings and might easily wake up to then.
as another lighting illuminates the sky, i bury my face into billie's neck. maybe, - just maybe, i'm a little bit scared of thunderstorms too. it's good that we're safe here, under the soft sheets, cuddled into eachother.
no matter where we are in the world, i feel safe as long as i'm next to billie. her precense is calming and makes me feel so good, that i never wanna leave. if it was up to me, i'd stay here forever, listening to her heartbeat and watching her sleep peacefully.
