When Gods Cry

CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR

The city centre was overflowing with the residents of the city of Atlusa. Many stood squeezed against each other in the hot sun, barely having a view of the stage. Most couldn't hear either what was being said or the music being played, but they were glad to be there. The upper ranking members of the city sat in shades near the stage where they were served with food and drinks. The low ranking people in the crowd were hungry as they had been in the crowd since dusk, others even before dusk. All were waiting for the Thuyena celebrations to begin.

Muma held Kashili's hand tightly as he looked at the stage. It was beautiful with paintings, wood carvings and sculptures that praised the gods and most importantly, the king. Muma was able to find a spot near the stage with the help of one administrator who he remembered as a follower.

'Isn't the view better from here?' He asked Kashili. They were still standing and not in the shades, but it was better than where they had been. The smell of body odour and sweat had almost suffocated him and with the sun getting hotter and hotter, he was sure he wouldn't have survived.

'Yes it is. I will be able to see the performance ritual you created,' Kashili said to him with a smile on her face. There was pride in her eyes which Muma loved seeing. However, he kept wondering if it really was honest or not. With the two finally declaring love for each other, Muma somehow seemed eager to find ways to convince himself that their love wasn't real.

'I wasn't the only who created it, there were other hundreds of students.'

'I don't care about them. In my eyes, you created it,' she said to him as she pressed his hand. She saw how Muma never believed in himself and it was one of the few things she hated about him. He never loved himself enough to realize he had done something amazing or even that he deserved good things to happen to him. She hadn't known why he was like that until the previous night when he told him who he really was.

'Do you know what I am thinking right now?' Kashili had asked Muma as they lay in bed after a long ritual of love.

'How the secret to the love ritual is actually love?'

'Well, yes.' Kashili turned to face Muma. 'But also, the fact that I love someone I hardly know.' Muma sat straight and faced her, not liking where the conversation was threatening to go.

'Don't be silly. You know me and...' He stopped when she glared at him.

'Who are you, really?' Kashili asked him. 'I know that you have always hidden your teue self and I think I know the reason why.'

'Why?'

'You are afraid I won't love the real you but I promise you, I will.'

'You can't make such a promise.'

'But how will I ever truly love you if I don't know you? It's not fair that I will never truly love you just because you are afraid.' Muma stared at her in silence. She leaned a little closer to him as he wondered whether he really should tell her who really was. In the city, he had come to realize that he was at times ashamed that he was an Amathu. Kashili was a Kasuhi and there was a higher chance of her taking back her love simply because he was an Amathu. Was he willing to take that risk?

'You will find it hard to love the real me. I am...'

'Ugly and repulsive? You have told me that a hundred times and even if you are, does it matter if I still love you?' Muma smiled at her honesty. He knew he was ugly and being called beautiful felt like an insult. And he realized then that he was being selfish with Kashili by not giving her an opportunity to really love him like she did him.

'I am an Amathu from the villages,' Muma quickly said before the sudden confidence he had felt quickly left him as fast as it had taken hold of him. He watched Kashili process the words as she looked at him, really looked at him. There was confusion in her eyes.