Sacrifice

A dream

Stevie lifted her head off Lindsey's chest abruptly. "Are you in a rush?"

"No, I don't have anything on my schedule today."

"Do you want to get high?" She asked, sitting up.

He couldn't help but laugh, raising an eyebrow. "Is that a serious offer?"

"Yeah. However fantastic that orgasm was, I'm still not over that phone call and instead of smoking cigarettes, I'd rather smoke a joint."

"Sure." Lindsey shrugged and Stevie got off him, reaching for her tunic that she was wearing previously. "Do I wait here?"

"No, you can come with me. Bed, with plush cotton sheets would be good right now."

They went to her bedroom and after being told to feel at home, Lindsey lay down on the bed, while Stevie searched for her stash and then threw it at him. "I'm going to the bathroom."

When she came out, he had a joint ready for them to share. "I didn't know you still smoked."

"It's for my creativity." She explained, laying down next to him. "Or when I'm bored, or need to take the edge off." 

"Right." Lindsey laughed, passing it to her. 

"Don't give me shit about it, I know you do it too."

"No, I'm not saying anything, I'm surprised that's all."

"Robert never approved. I usually had to wait until he was gone from the house."

They smoked the whole thing in silence, looking up at the ceiling and holding hands. It was nice, they hadn't done anything like this for so long, they hadn't even talked much about things they used to, besides something regarding the band. That was mostly down to them both being married, their respective other halves never liked Stevie and Lindsey around each other. But the unspoken feelings and passion between them clearly never went away.

"Can I ask?" Lindsey spoke, neither of them really sure of how long they spent being quiet.

"Ask."

"What happened between you and Robert that you're divorcing?"

"He cheated on me, the girl is pregnant. I came home after the tour and half his things were gone from the house, then he just said, 'I'm leaving you', we got into a fight of sorts, then I begged him to stay."

"So, he didn't then?"

"Oh, he did. He said he would if I quit the band, so I called Mick and said I'm leaving. That day, right after you left, Robert came home and asked me what was the real reason that I didn't want us to separate and he asked me to tell him that I'm in love with him still."

"Did you?"

"No, he dragged me upstairs to make love to me. I couldn't go through with it. I stopped him and we started talking, and decided that it was best for us to end our marriage."

"I don't understand how he could go behind your back. You're a..."

"What am I, Lindsey?"

"To me, you're a dream."

"A what?"

"You heard me. I know we never talk about it, but you know me better than anyone, you know what I think about you."

"Shouldn't your wife be your dream?"

"She's the mother of my children."

"Do you love me?"

"I love you."

"Lindsey, what happened? Why are you telling me these things? You haven't been this open with me for a long time."

"You're right, something did happen." He exhaled deeply, turning on his side, circling his arms around her middle. "Towards the end of the tour, I was feeling like shit. I had terribly headaches, I had even lost consciousness a few times..."

"Oh my God!" She gasped, scooting closer to him. "When was all of that going on? You seemed fine."

"I guess I did pretty good in hiding it then." 

"Linds..." Her eyes welled up with tears, as she gave him a kiss. Just the thought of him being sick or worse was already too painful.

"I went to see a doctor, I got checked out and, uh... I was told that I should seriously slow down, that my heart wasn't doing too well. If I continued with the crazy schedule of the band, I might just drop dead one day, my heart could give out."

"No..." She shook her head, now crying. "Don't even say that! I want you to annoy me and be a huge pain the ass for many years to come, you hear me?"

He smiled, caressing the side of her face. "And I want that too." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, stroking her hair now. "What I'm trying to say is, that knowledge kind of put things into perspective. I realize now that I'm not happy. I've never been happy with Kristen, I've never truly loved her. I want to divorce her, I've wanted to for a long time, but I would always think about the kids and what would happen then? Would they hate me, would she forbid me from seeing them, but now I think that, well, it's not her decision to make. I'm a good father, I provide for the family and the court will decide. I realize that there are so many things I haven't experienced, I'm always cooped up in the studio our out on the road. I should take a break, I should enjoy life. But what I'm the most clear about now is that... I love you, Steph. I didn't allow myself to think about it for the longest time, but now that I do, I'm so in love with you it hurts. I hate seeing you hurting, what Robert did is just unacceptable. I want to... I don't know, I have this need inside me to protect you from the world."

Her cheeks were wet from tears, but she was smiling, hearing everything that was coming out of his mouth. She wanted that too, more than anything. "Are you okay now?" She asked, drying her face, with the bed sheet. 

"I'm much better, I needed some rest." He nodded. "But didn't you hear anything beyond that?"

"I did, Lindsey. It's just really hard for me to process it all." She told him genuinely. "I want you, I do, but until you sign the divorce papers, I'm sorry, but I can't fully trust your words."

"I understand. But I mean it, Stevie. I'll do it."

"I hope so."

She sighed, snuggling into his side, completely shocked by what he just said. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine they would end up together again. Although, she knew she had to stop her mind from racing, those were only words, she was going to wait for his actions now.