Sacrifice

Let me explain

Lindsey started feeling guilty that he was purposely ignoring Stevie. She had rarely ever called his cellphone and now, the last he checked, he found eleven missed calls. What if she was in trouble? What if something happened and she desperately needed him? Oh God, how could he be so careless and selfish, thinking about his own feelings only and how the scene he witnessed a few hours ago made him feel.

Now Stevie was the one not answering, so Lindsey didn't waste any more time and grabbed his car keys, driving over speed limit to get to her as fast as possible. He got out of the car and jogged to the front door, banging on it with his fist.

She made him wait, knowing it was him, opening at last, glaring at him. "You fucking asshole!"

"Yes, yes that's me." He nodded, pushing past her into the house. "I wasn't thinking, just now I realized that what if you needed me and I was ignoring you. Steph, I'm sorry!"

"YOU DON'T LIVE WITH KRISTEN ANYMORE."

"Oh... How do you know?" He frowned and had to follow Stevie to the living room, where she had set her drink, now taking a swig of it. 

"I called the house, she told me herself and hung up. Then I tried to reach you, but you couldn't give a fuck picking up!"

"Let me explain."

"What happened, Lindsey?" She shouted, nearly smashing the glass as she put it down on the coffee table. "We had sex and then you left and we haven't even talked once after it? Now I find out you've moved out of your house where you lived with your family and you're also keeping distance from me."

 "That is not at all what happened, Stevie. I'm asking you to let me explain it."

"Okay, I'm all ears." She slumped down on the couch.

"After the night I spent with you, it took me a couple of days to process it all, to think everything through thoroughly, to decide what I truly want. I gathered Kristen and the kids in the living room and told them that I'm leaving, that I want a divorce."

"In front of your children?"

"Yeah..."

"You are a fucking idiot."

"I think we've established that." Lindsey took a seat next to her, leaning forward to take a gulp from Stevie's drink. "Shit, what's that? Straight whiskey?"

"Don't worry about my drinking habits right now."

"After I told them, I moved out. I rented a condo, that's where I'm staying right now. Actually, I drove to see you earlier today."

"I can't remember that part of the day."

"Because I saw you kissing Robert."

"And you left."

"I did. What else was I going to do? Interrupt your reconciliation?"

"Did you miss that part where I broke us apart?"

"And then walked inside the house together."

"According to you, what did we do then? Fucked probably, right?"

"How do I know?" He shrugged and she was getting more frustrated with each second.

"For your knowledge, I asked him in so we wouldn't have to yell outside and in here, he was on his knees, begging me to take him back and I told him I was sick of him. I told him I don't love him anymore and divorce is the only right choice for us. Whatever came out of his mouth, I didn't care for it. I made him leave."

"But I saw you kissing him..."

"Jesus, Lindsey! Robert forcefully kissed me, we weren't exactly making out, but you didn't see things clearly, because you got jealous as you always do."

"Forgive me?" He asked sheepishly.

"You can be such a child, it's driving me mad."

"I said I'm sorry."

"And I'm supposed to say, okay, Linds, it's all good, don't worry about it?"

"I don't want you to be mad at me."

"I don't want to be either." She sighed, rubbing her eyes as she was already tired from the day's events. 

"Where does this leave us?" Lindsey asked after a lengthy pause. 

"We've talked about this, haven't we?"

"But I already screwed up."

Stevie half smiled, reaching for his hand, not really that angry anymore. "At least you admit it."

"I love you so much. I thought, you're done with Robert, Kristen and I are over too, naturally we will be together. When I saw you with him, I thought that I already lost you without having you back yet."

"But that's the thing, Linds, you can't just assume. It will get us nowhere."

"I know, it's completely my fault."

"Today didn't bother me as much as the fact you haven't called me or come see me after we slept together. I thought you just used me." 

"No, dear God, Steph no! Never think that." He shook his head, taking her face in his hands. "I just needed to sort everything out in my head, baby. If it was that easy, I would have been with you all the time, I wouldn't have even left."

"Let's move on from that, there's no need for us to go over it again and again. Now I know what went on during those weeks and I'll deal with it myself."

"Really?" 

"Yes."

"Are we okay?"

"We are, Lindsey. We're fine."

"Can I stay with you?"

"I'd like that." Stevie finished off her drink and stood up, holding her hand out for him. "I need you, Linds."

"Are you truly fine, baby?" 

"Yeah, just... a very long and stressful, emotional day."

He hugged her, pressing a kiss to her hair. "What can I do to make you feel better?"

"You can make love to me."

"You want me?"

"I always want you."

"I really am sorry." Lindsey apologized again and she gave him a little nod.

"I know. Now, come." She said, leading their way upstairs. 

Later, Stevie lay awake, snuggled up to Lindsey's side as he was lightly snoring, looking so peaceful. She smiled to herself, leaving a kiss on his chest. She loved him more than she had ever loved anyone, but the future scared her. Could they make it? Would they fight over the smallest things or they would manage to compromise? There was so much to think about, but she decided now was not the time. Now things were fine, she was in his arms and the thought of him with her in the morning was enough to make her fall asleep as well.