Thin Line Between You & Me

Chapter eight: I found my heart but you found yours

Minji

I was worried sick.

I didn't know if Hanni was even going to come back tonight or not, or if she'll ever come back. The clock reached midnight and there was still no sign of her. And I mentally cursed myself for letting her leave with him. I should've said no, so that she would've been here with me, having fun baking. I still bought everything, just in case she came back at a good time so that we could try baking. But she clearly wasn't here, and I could feel my heart squeezing even more as the time went by and there was still no Hanni.

I just wished I could wrap my hands around my throat and just kill myself. I denied it so much, I tried to push the thought away thinking it was just something silly, I let her slip away from me because of my own fucking stupidity of not letting myself feel. I finally understood what my mother meant this whole time. I wasn't being the person my father made, I was being the woman Hanni made all along, and I didn't even realize it. She molded me, but without her, I'm only clay that's falling apart.

And all because I love her.

I fucking love her.

I wanted to let out a sob, the emotion running through my veins was stronger than anything I've ever felt before. My heart was thumping in a way that should've let me to the hospital by now. I feel like I'm holding on to a thread as I try to hold myself together. I'm at the edge of the cliff, a little push and it'll be over for me. I'd find myself falling and letting the light flash before me. Do you know how bad it is? I've never thought like this!

And then there's my worry for her, wondering if she's okay or not. What if something happened? Or what if she took a decision without letting me know? I was biting all of my nails off as my leg kept shaking. My eyes focused on the clock waiting for my ears to hear the bell of the elevator. I wanted her to come back, to give me a sense of assurance that she wouldn't go back to him. That she wouldn't do that to herself again. It wasn't even about me, it was about her. I didn't want her to be hurt again. I don't think I would be able to deal with seeing her so broken again.

The clock strikes almost 2 o'clock, and that's when the bell of the elevator echoed around the quiet and dark house. I quickly stood up and headed to the elevator, not waiting another second to see her. "Hanni, are you.." But my body seemed to freeze when I saw her look at me and give me the biggest smile I've seen. A smile that I've never caused, and it crushed me. I took a couple of steps closer to her, to make sure she wasn't drunk or anything of that sort. But my heart only clenched when I saw all of the purple marks all over her neck.

"You guys made up?" I asked and she gave me a nod. "Best make up sex ever!" She said, laughing as she tried to come closer to me but for the first time. I didn't want her to touch me, not after what she did with him. I had no right to be mad, I didn't. But I couldn't help it, my heart was shattering with every second. She didn't even care that I wasn't acting the way I usually did. I looked away from her when she tried to look at me. "Minji, aren't you happy for me? We made up! The wedding is up and running again." She said with a giggle.

A part of me couldn't believe she settled on going back with him. He did her so wrong and she still accepts to go back to him? I just couldn't understand that, her love for him couldn't be that blinding could it? And then the other part of me was just heartbroken, everything between me and Hanni would change. It would all go back to square one, the distance will be bigger than ever from now on. And it was all because of me, what would've happened if I came to the realization sooner? I shook my head, not wanting to think about it.

"Minji?" I looked at her and she looked at me confused. "What's wrong? I'm sorry I left you at the store like that and completely ditched on the baking but you understand, right?" Do I? No. "Yeah, of course. I just wanted to know if you were okay or not. I'll be going to bed now." I know I was being short with her but I couldn't find myself to try and ease my aching heart down. It was all too much for me, especially when it's my first time feeling like this.