On Your Own ( a Haikyuu fanfiction )

Friday. 29 June 2012 ~ With the Big Boys Now

"Welcome to the Karasuno Boys Volleyball Club!"

A tremor zips from Yachi's toes to her head. It's unreal. She's standing here, by Shimizu's side, as the second manager of the team.

"Alright!" Sawamura claps to get everyone's attention. "Since Yachi is now an official member and exams are over, I'm treating everyone to pork buns!"

The boys, who are already excited enough to have Yachi be part of the team, become more riled up with the notion of free food.

"Er, I don't know if I can," Yachi turns to Shimizu and rattles her brain for ideas. "My mom... I think she wants me home to help her cook dinner!"

"Why don't you call and ask her if you can come with us instead?" suggests Hinata.

Yachi is reluctant for two reasons. She had already faced her mother and spoken her true feelings about joining the team -- announced it, actually, in a public space. Hasn't she already spent her allowance of bravery points? Asking for her mother's permission, in any situation, is scary. Yachi doesn't want to admit to her second reason -- that she's actually using her mother as an excuse to avoid socializing with the others.

It's a difficult decision. Quickly weighing the pros and cons, she rationalizes that there shouldn't be any harm in going out for pork buns. That is, if food is the only thing she has to worry about.

"Oh! That's a good idea, Hinata." Yachi tries her best to sound convincing. Luckily, Hinata is too distracted to notice her lack of enthusiasm. She flips open her phone and calls her mother. After two or three rings, Madoka picks up.

"Hello?"

"Hello, mom? It's me." Yachi pulls at the ends of her bangs.

"Hitoka? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah! I was just, um, wondering if I could hang out with the volleyball team for a little bit. The captain said that he's treating us all to pork buns from the market." Please, Mom. Hear my voice. Get me out of this. "I told them that I probably wouldn't be able to go since I thought you might need my help cooking dinner tonight." Yachi prays that her mother can somehow magically sense what she's truly feeling deep down, and will go along with it.

"Nonsense! I can't remember the last time you've ever asked me permission to hang out with others at school." Madoka completely misses any hints that Yachi believes she put out. "You go have fun. And please don't stay out too late."

"Um, okay."

"Be safe!"

"I will."

When Madoka ends the call, the cons of joining the team seem to weigh heavier. Yachi knows she needs another excuse. Her main method of escape is no longer valid.

"So?" Hinata grins at her like a puppy waiting for a tennis ball. "What'd she say?"

"She said it's fine, but..." Yachi isn't going down without a little resistance. "But, I don't think I have enough money on me for pork buns today!"

"Hmm?" Hinata looks confused at her remark. "Didn't Captain say he was treating us?"

She reached too far and skewed the facts. "O-Oh yeah. I forgot."

"So you can come after all! Awesome!" Satisfied with the confirmation, Hinata runs off to join Tanaka and Nishinoya in celebrating.

Yachi feels her throat closing. There's something pushing on her chest, and it's slowly getting heavier. It's getting harder for her to breathe. She needs to breathe through her nose and think rationally, use logic, or things will only get worse. She knows this feeling. Resist with logic. These aren't strangers. Why is she so afraid of spending time with them?"

"Hitoka-chan." Shimizu puts her hand on Yachi's shoulder, and the air returns to normal in an instant. "You don't have to come."

"W-What!? But the captain said that part of the reason why we're going is to celebrate my joining. Wouldn't it be rude to leave?"

"In most cases, maybe. But we know about your current limitations." Shimizu signals the captain. "Sawamura-san!"

Shimizu waves Sawamura over, and when he nears, the younger of the girls shrinks closer to the older. The confidence Sawamura exudes makes Yachi nervous.

"Hitoka-chan is considering going home instead. Is that okay?" asks Shimizu.

Yachi is mortified. She can already tell that Sawamura is judging her. He must regret accepting such a rude person like herself into the club. He might as well kick her off the team now. Surely five minutes on the volleyball team will still count on her resume, right? She squeezes her eyes shut and clings to Shimizu for support.

"Of course!"

Yachi cracks open an eye to look up at Sawamura. He's smiling.

"Yachi-san, I know being around lots of people can be frightening, especially a rowdy bunch like them." He jabs his thumb in the direction of the team, where Nishinoya is doing a handstand on Tanaka's shoulders. Most of the boys are chattering loudly. Sawamura slightly raises the pitch of his voice and leans close to speak softly. "Still, I think it's important that you take this as a chance to try getting to know your teammates. Eventually you'll need to start getting comfortable with them in order to best manage them. But if it's too much for today, I won't force you to do something that makes you uncomfortable." He stands up straight and his usual voice returns. "Think it over, and let me know what your decision is after we finish packing up and changing." Sawamura waves and leaves to help put away the volleyball net.

Relief washes over instantly. The captain himself has given Yachi an out, but she's mostly glad that he isn't upset with her.

"Shimizu-senpai, what did Sawamura-senpai mean when he said 'getting to know your teammates'? I thought I was a manager, not a player."

"Hitoka-chan, this is our team. Every time we win, it's because we worked hard together." Shimizu clicks her pen and opens her notebook. "In the meantime, I have to go talk to Coach Ukai about the results of today's practice. While you think about what you want to do, can you please convince those two to help clean up?" She gestures to Hinata and Kageyama, who, in a test of telepathy, are trying to set a ball back and forth with their eyes closed.

Our team.