On Your Own ( a Haikyuu fanfiction )

Wednesday. 18 July 2012 ~ Snack with a Setter

"Who wants a snack?"

Holding platters of onigiri, Shimizu and Yachi walk into Karasuno's second gymnasium. Takeda follows suit with a big bottle of cold tea in hand. Stacks of paper cups precariously balance on top of the bottles.

"Break time!" shouts Sawamura. Being the closest, he quickly selects a piece with a bit more nori before anyone else gets near. "Did the guys practicing in Gym One get any?"

"Yes," Shimizu says. "We made a lot, just to be sure that everyone got a fair amount."

Sawamura raises his rice in toast to her. "You're a lifesaver, Shimizu."

The second and third years are ravenous, especially after working up a sweat. Amid the tangle of hands and tall bodies, Yachi catches a glimpse of Kageyama wiping his face with a towel. By the time the senpai have helped themselves with their first serving, there are still plenty of onigiri left to pick from.

Kageyama grabs two rice balls, mumbles his thanks, and saunters outside. Before Shimizu has a chance to persuade her, Yachi grabs a rice ball and a cup of tea for herself. She nearly makes it out of the gym until she sees Kageyama sitting alone under the shade of a tree. Thinking twice, she backtracks and grabs a second cup of tea. With only her mouth left to help her carry anything, she jogs over to Kageyama and quickly passes him a cup.

"Thanks," he says, accepting it without question.

"Kageyama-kun," she says after dropping her onigiri from her mouth into her hand. "Do you mind if I join you?" Socializing is difficult, even with the people she sees every day. If she's going to get better at it, she knows she needs to make an effort. Right now, it's much easier for her to have a private conversation than to contribute to larger groups.

With his own mouth full of food, the setter moves over to make room for her.

"How's practice going so far?"

Kageyama swallows the rest of his mouthful and gulps down half of his tea with ease. "It's not bad," he says. "Hard, but doable." Without moving, he steals a glance at her. "Are you alright?"

Yachi looks over to see him staring into his cup, analyzing something that only he seems to see. "Wh--Y-Yes, I am." Is something wrong? Has her face been resting with a strange expression? "Why? Is there something that makes you think otherwise?"

He shrugs. "You've been helping out with a lot of things lately. I know it can be physically demanding." His wrist gyrates to swirl the tea. "I remember you saying that you don't do much physical activity outside of P.E. I wanted to make sure that you weren't pushing yourself too hard."

Tobio Kageyama isn't one to notice the emotional or physical condition of others. It's a miracle that he made it so far in a team sport on sheer individual talent alone. When Yachi witnesses his care, it makes her feel warm inside.

"I can manage. Thank you for checking on me, Kageyama-kun."

Kageyama nods in understanding. They return to eating their food in silence. Sweat moistens the backs of Yachi's knees, so she stretches her legs to air them out. She can imagine how prickly her skin would feel if she sat directly in the sunlight. It will be more comfortable when night falls -- when she won't be limited to the confines of a building or beneath the shadows of bushy trees.

Silence between friends isn't a bad thing, but in this case, the quiet allows Yachi's brain a chance to replay the memory of Kageyama violently throwing Hinata to the floor. Her brain acts independently from her desires, forcing her to recall the pain. On such a beautiful day, Yachi doesn't want to give in to those terrible memories. She can't. Her only choice is to break the silence.

"Is it hard? Practicing by yourself when there's no one available to help throw up your tosses?"

"Not really." Kageyama finishes off his rice. "I'm always practicing by myself at home, so I'm used to it. If I don't have a volleyball to work with, I'll do something that helps, like watching videos of plays or exercising."

"Wow, that's amazing," she says. Committing oneself fully to a single cause still astounds her. "I don't think I've ever done something like that."

"Practice volleyball at home?"

"No, no, just..." It's uncomfortable to say it out loud -- embarrassing, even -- but Yachi hopes and trusts that Kageyama won't judge her too harshly. "Doing important things like that by yourself sounds really hard."

"Hmm." Kageyama looks up and strokes his chin. "Is it really that difficult?"

"W-Well, of course!" Ashamed, Yachi wonders how she can recover. "Think about it. Hinata had to be the one to convince me to join the team. Shimizu-senpai has been mentoring me nonstop. Even Tanaka-senpai had to--" She cuts herself short. Stop thinking about the fight! The blonde clears her throat and regains some of her composure. "Aside from school work, I've almost always needed help from others. I know that it sounds kind of lame, but it's just how I've always been."

"I don't think it's lame. If anything, I've seen you be independent before."

"I have?"

"Yeah," says Kageyama. "You study by yourself outside of class time, which Hinata and I can't even do."

The gut reaction is for Yachi to tell him that studying by oneself is a normal activity that many students do. Upon second thought, she believes it would be better to keep that to herself.

"Sometimes you act on your own during practice, without asking Shimizu-senpai for directions," he adds.

Has she really changed much since she joined?

"And you alone made the decision to join the team, no matter how much that idiot might've pushed you." Kageyama stands and reaches for the sky. The stretch is accompanied by a light grunt before his hands fall to rest on his hips. "I'm not one to talk. I only recently learned that it's okay to rely on others." He turns to look at her. "It's good to be independent sometimes. But it'd be unrealistic to do everything by yourself, so don't sell yourself short. You're doing good."

He walks away to toss his empty cup into the nearby trash can. He doesn't see Yachi wiping her eyes.