On Your Own ( a Haikyuu fanfiction )

Monday. 09 July 2012 ~ Apology Accepted

"Yamaguchi-kun!"

As she jogs over, Yachi waves. There's still time to have a quick chat before school begins. Yamaguchi turns around and stops walking to wait for her.

"Oh, Yachi-san! Is everything alright?"

"Yes, everything's fine! Um, I just wanted to apologize for keeping you up late last night." Yachi stares at the base of a tree behind him. It's embarrassing, but she needs to say it. "Thank you for talking with me," she mumbles. She doesn't bring up the fact that she called him her friend.

"Oh, no, no, it was no problem at all! Actually, I'm glad you were able to talk to me."

"You are?" Yachi asks. It's difficult to imagine the idea of anyone gaining happiness from listening to her ramblings. "Why?"

"I can't imagine how awful you probably felt after seeing what you saw. You could've been a lot more upset if you kept it all to yourself, but instead you messaged me and let it all out. And I know I don't exactly give the best advice in the world, but hopefully just talking helped you feel a little bit better?"

Yachi dares to look up at his face, only to see Yamaguchi making eye contact with the ground next to her. A small smile makes its way to her lips. "It helped a lot," she says. "Thank you again."

She worries that he doesn't hear her. Her words are barely louder than a whisper. But the matching smile on Yamaguchi's face says otherwise.

Classes go by without any deviations from the norm. Yachi had tried talking to Hinata and Kageyama separately, but stopped herself both times. Judging by the looks on their faces, they didn't want to be bothered.

Before she knows it, the early dismissal bell rings, and with volleyball practice canceled, Yachi is free to head straight home.

"Hitoka-chan?"

Or not. The freshman sees Shimizu and Sawamura standing by the school gates. With a wave of her hand, Shimizu beckons to her. Judging from their expressions, Yachi knows that they mean business. She jogs over to the pair.

"Shimizu-senpai? Captain?"

Sawamura folds his arms. "Do you have some time before going home?"

"Er--yes, I do."

"Good. Please come with us to Sakanoshita." If Sawamura is angry, he hides it well. "There's something we need to discuss."

Yachi gulps and nods reluctantly.

What could they want to discuss that would make the captain make that kind of face? If interacting with strangers is the scariest thing in Yachi's world, the second scariest thing would be getting in trouble -- and right now, she knows she's in big trouble.

As Yachi trails behind the two seniors, she tries to swallow again, but the enormous lump in her throat doesn't budge. The normally quick walk to the market seems painstakingly slow. Yachi can almost feel the months passing her by.

Shimizu and Sawamura remain silent. For the briefest moment, Yachi considers making small talk. The thought alone startles her -- that she would prefer to engage in something so frightening just because the tension of silence was too uncomfortable. She decides instead to keep to herself.

When they finally step into the store, the coach is nowhere in sight. Yachi assumes that the older woman behind the register is Coach's mother.

"Over here is fine." Shimizu gestures to the middle of the store, at an empty table with two plastic chairs. Sawamura turns his back to them and walks up to the counter.


Yachi nervously takes the chair furthest from the store entrance and nearly misses the seat as she moves to sit down. The normally familiar and comfortable area is now foreign and unsettling. Food brands that looked delicious on the shelves invoke nausea. "U-Um, Shimizu-senpai...?"

"Hang on, Hitoka-chan. Let's wait for the captain."

The two of them watch Sawamura's transaction with Coach's mother. After pocketing the change he receives, Sawamura walks back to the table with a strawberry Yan-Yan in one hand and a single pork bun in the other. Yachi can't help but wonder how he intends to split the food between the three of them.

"Here ya go." Sawamura places the food in front of the dumbfounded Yachi.

"A-Aren't you two going to have any?"

"No," says Shimizu. "Those are both for you."

Yachi's heart drops straight down into her stomach. She thought she could keep the fight a secret. But they found out. And despite being there the entire time, she wasn't able to stop them herself. She shares the same manager title as Shimizu, and yet she was unable to resolve what Shimizu could have easily handled herself.

Yachi had failed as a manager, so this food is her consolation prize. They're kicking her off of the team.

Sawamura nervously rubs the back of his neck. "Yachi-san--"

"I'm so sorry..."

It takes every ounce of effort for Yachi to hold back from sobbing. Despite being fired, she wants to remain as professional as possible. "I-I tried really hard to stop them. I promise, I tried my best. They just couldn't hear me at all, so I ran away to get help, and Tanaka-san helped me... I promise I tried..." A few tears leak out, and Yachi grits her teeth. Of all the times to wear her heart on her sleeve, she hates that it's happening now, without her permission. "Please don't kick me off the team. Not when I've only gotten this far. Please..."

"Yachi-san."

Yachi sniffles, but composes herself enough to look up at Sawamura and Shimizu. They are bent at the waist, bowing.

"Yachi-san, we heard that Hinata and Kageyama caused you a lot of trouble last night. And because I am their captain, I'm responsible for them. I would like to apologize on their behalf. I'm sorry."

"I was supposed to teach you how to become a good manager." Shimizu tightens her fingers into fists. "Even though I've been teaching you a lot about volleyball, I didn't realize that I've neglected to teach you about other aspects of the job -- and that includes how to handle the troublesome sides of Hinata-kun and Kageyama-kun's behavior. Hitoka-chan, I'm very sorry."

Sawamura stands upright. "We hope you can forgive us."

"It must have been very scary for you, to see them like that. I know you're good friends with them." Shimizu takes a seat in the open chair and reaches across the table to hold Yachi's hand. "Are you okay?"

Yachi can't forget it even when she tries. She watched her friends -- her closest friends -- grabbing and throwing and yelling. Interacting with strangers or getting in trouble don't even compare. The yelling, coming from Hinata and Kageyama, is the scariest and most painful thing she has ever experienced in her life.

It takes almost all of Yachi's willpower to stop herself from wailing right there in the convenience store. To control her volume, she has no strength left to allocate restraint in scrunching up her face, sniffling, and crying.

Shimizu quickly hands her a handkerchief, which Yachi blows into without noticing the looks from other patrons in the market.

Sawamura gently puts a hand on her shoulder. "If it's alright, may I please hear what happened last night? Straight from you?"

Trembling, Yachi bites her lip. They aren't firing her, but will they think differently of her when she reveals that she couldn't handle the situation on her own?

Is it weak to ask for help?

Yamaguchi's words are all it takes for Yachi to tell them -- beginning from the moment Kageyama and Hinata asked her to help them practice, to when things escalated too quickly, to the moment the bruised and battered Hinata parted with her at the bus stop. She tells them everything. As the words trickle from her mouth, the weight in her shoulders gradually lifts. Breathing gets easier.

She was so sure that the ones who were covered in scrapes and bruises were the only ones who got hurt. The more she reveals to Sawamura and Shimizu, the more she realizes that she had gotten hurt too. She just didn't have the scrapes or bandages to show it.