On Your Own ( a Haikyuu fanfiction )

Saturday. 07 July 2012 ~ Test the Waters

"I'm Kaori Suzumeda, one of the managers for Fukurodani. Nice to meet you!"

"Nice to meet you. I'm Kiyoko Shimizu, third-year manager for Karasuno." Shimizu side-steps and reaches behind herself. "This is Hitoka Yachi, our first-year manager for Karasuno."

"H-Hello!" Yachi quickly bows. "Thank you for having us!"

"Of course!" Suzumeda beams. "Let me show you around."

Things aren't as different as Yachi expected Tokyo to be. Nekoma High feels like a slightly bigger version of their school. They navigate various pathways and corridors, and Yachi commits the turns to memory. She hopes that Hinata and Kageyama won't get too lost when they catch up. Eventually, they reach the room where all the girls will be sleeping. Yachi makes sure to quickly grab her notebook and pen when they set aside their belongings. They save unpacking for the evening; the group wastes no time heading to the cafeteria, where Shimizu and Yachi are introduced to the three other managers at the camp -- six girls in total.

Yachi finds herself enjoying their company, but she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that anxiety still steeped in her chest. She had hoped that she would find someone in a situation similar to hers -- a freshman new to team sports -- yet all of the other girls are older than her. Even right after introducing herself, Shimizu seems to fit in so easily, talking like she's catching up with old friends. Yachi hopes she'll be able to keep up with everything that happens this weekend.

As the girls make their way to the main gym to assist with warm-ups, Yachi fiddles more and more with her fingers, digging out the bits of dirt caught in her nails. The other managers have been making small talk the entire time. No matter how quickly the subject changes, Shimizu knows exactly what to say. The youngest girl's contributions so far have been to chuckle when appropriate. It takes all her focus to simply follow the conversation.

"I hate to say it, but it's true." Suzumeda shrugs. "It looked like an avant-garde nightmare. Or if you gave a pencil to a little kid and told them to go nuts."

Miyanoshita, Ubugawa's second-year manager, pouts. "I told you a million times that I'm not good at drawing!" She pulls her hair into pig-tails as they walk. "You don't have to be Picasso to have fun. I just try my best."

Bond over common interests.

Yachi doesn't consider herself the best artist, but with her mother as a graphic designer, she's no stranger to artistic concepts. There's no way she can mess this up. This is her chance to join the conversation! In seconds, Yachi formulates the perfect response. "My--"

"Hey, Bokuto!" Suzumeda shouts. She points an accusatory finger. "Please stop harassing Kuroo-san and get back to warm-ups!" When the Fukurodani captain simmers down, she turns to face the girls. "Well, good luck everyone. Let's have some fun this weekend! And Shimizu-san, Yachi-san -- please feel free to let any of us know if you need anything. We're never too busy." Her smile bids them farewell. "Come on, Yukie!"

Yukie Shirofuku, the other third-year manager for Fukurodani, throws up a peace sign before following suit. The girls break apart to their respective teams.

"Was there something you wanted to say, Hitoka-chan?" Shimizu gives her full attention.

Yachi opens her mouth and closes it again. "N-No, it was nothing important."

"If you're sure, okay." Shimizu nods in Karasuno's direction. "Let's help get things started."

As Yachi trails behind, she feels a shroud of embarrassment thrown over her. Even though Shimizu was the only one who noticed her attempt at small talk, it still feels like the whole world just watched her fail. The only thing that stops the tears from getting a head start is Coach Ukai yelling for everyone to gather up. Duty calls.

Before she knows it, Yachi is sitting on the bench next to Shimizu, and Karasuno is playing their first practice match of the day. The air gets warmer as the hours go by. Yachi doesn't remember leaving the bench and eating lunch. The food doesn't help. She glances at the notebook in her lap. "Diving Drills" has been hastily scrawled at the top of the left page. Opposite from her, the Karasuno boys throw themselves onto the floor, sliding across the wooden floor -- a penalty drill for losing their third match. Yachi notates specific differences between Hinata's and Nishinoya's movements, but taking detailed notes doesn't help. Neither does watching the dynamic plays. No matter how many notes she takes or how intense the games get, nothing can distract her from the lingering shame. She couldn't get even one word in with the girls.

After a long day of losses, Karasuno joins the teams to succumb to the cafeteria's savory aromas, where the managers have finished cooking dinner. Shimizu taps Yachi on the shoulder. "We've got it from here, Hitoka-chan. You go ahead and get in line."

Yachi -- whose eyes had suffered while dicing onions -- squints at the shape that looks most like Shimizu. "But I wanted to help serve the food!"

"I know, but I want to make sure that you aren't last in line and eating the cold leftovers. You helped cook, so you deserve to taste it while it's still fresh." Shimizu gently shoos her away. "Go on, now."

Defeated, Yachi rushes to the end of the queue. She tries her best to avoid making eye contact with the taller humans looming over her. Walking among them feels like navigating through a pine forest. Her bravery is tested further when the person she stands behind is a full twelve inches taller than her.

"Hey Yachi-san!" says Yamaguchi. "Are you okay? Do you need a tissue?"

"Y-Yamaguchi-kun!" Yachi presses a hand to her chest and sighs. "I'm alright. I was in charge of chopping the vegetables, and there were a lot of onions." She gently rubs her eye with the back of her hand. "I'm sure I'll feel better in a few minutes."

"Thank goodness!" He chuckles. "We might've lost all our matches, but we survived. Good job today!"

"Thank you. I'm glad you think so." Yachi bites her lip, unable to look at him.

"Do you not think you did a good job?" Yamaguchi turns around, half-facing her.

Yachi's shoulders twitch in a shrug. "It's not like I did the worst job. I'm definitely learning more and more... sometimes I feel like I'm just sitting around doing nothing." She watches Yamaguchi grab two trays -- one for himself and one for her. To thank him, she nods. "I wish I could contribute in a better way, you know?"

Yamaguchi blows out a breath. "Believe me, I know."

"Uh, I'm so sorry! That was very insensitive of me, I wasn't even thinking!" Embarrassed, Yachi's eyes water more than when she was working with the onions. How could she forget that Yamaguchi, of all people, would understand?

"No no, it's alright!" He fans the air, denying any negativity. As Tsukishima moves forward, Yamaguchi side-steps to close the gap, sliding his tray along the metal rails. "Yeah, being on the bench all the time is frustrating, especially when I see the others working up a sweat. But I learn a lot of things just from watching them play." Shimizu hands him a bowl of rice, and he nods in thanks. "Sounds like you and I might be in a similar boat, don't you think?"

Yachi reflects on what she knew about volleyball a month ago, and considers all the things she knows now; all the new things she learns every day. "I guess you're right."

An easy one is just being yourself. If Ennoshita thinks it's easy, then it wouldn't hurt to try.

"You know, whenever you do the penalty diving drills, I notice your form improving. The new way you cushion your impact allows you to slide more smoothly. You're doing really well!"

"You think so?"

Yachi nods fervently, careful to avoid spilling the bowl of rice that she receives from Shimizu. "Definitely. Quick improvement is one of the things that gets my attention, and your improvement rate has been higher than Hinata's."

"Oh, th-thank you for noticing. I really needed to hear that." Yamaguchi glances ahead. Managers scrape the remaining food out of a large pot and ready the next full pot, creating temporary traffic. "Um..." He turns around fully to face her. "I can tell that you did a good job today. I saw you talking to Shimizu-senpai a lot during our matches. She doesn't teach you the way our teachers do in class, does she?"

"How did you know?" Even when she was a trial manager, Yachi had noticed that she was learning about volleyball faster than she was learning about any of her subjects in school.

"After how much time we spent helping Hinata and Kageyama study, I learned that you're naturally curious. You're always looking to understand more than what's explained to you. I thought maybe that you wouldn't be the type to just listen to lectures and absorb information. When you come across unfamiliar things, you'd probably beat Shimizu-senpai to the punch -- ask her questions before she has any chance to explain." He points a finger upward, presenting her with his idea. "So if your job right now is to learn more about volleyball, then constantly asking questions means you're doing a good job, don't you think?"

To Yachi, seeing Yamaguchi's beaming smile is like watching the sun rise. She feels her cheeks warming up from his rays.

"Y-Yeah! Thank you!" Yachi pivots away. She wants to talk -- give back as many words as he's given her, if not more. "I..." The thoughts jumble and homogenize in her head.

Yamaguchi leans towards her. "I'm sorry?"

"I--" Her response becomes lodged in her throat. The blonde girl swallows and points behind him. "The line is moving."

"Oh, thanks!" Yamaguchi whips around and closes the gap between him and Tsukishima. The boys are immediately lost in a discussion of portion sizes. Yamaguchi worries about Tsukishima's light tray, and tries encouraging him to get a little more meat on his plate.

A stomach gurgles, but over the din of the many conversations, no one hears it. Not even Yachi, who is so preoccupied with Yamaguchi's encouragement; she doesn't hear her body's signal for hunger.