On Your Own ( a Haikyuu fanfiction )

Friday. 06 July 2012 ~ Study Up

"Don't worry, you two will do great on the make-up tests, and you'll both be on your way to Tokyo in no time." Sawamura isn't the type to dole out false hope. "We'll be waiting for you."

Hinata and Kageyama nod, letting Sawamura's words sink in. They watch as the rest of the team gets into a single-file line to board the bus. Takeda stretches his limbs, anxious to be driving for several hours.

At night, the air is still warm enough to warrant short-sleeved shirts. Everyone breaks out into their own conversations, with air conditioning on the bus being a hot topic. Yachi tugs on the sleeves of the jacket wrapped around her waist, making sure it won't slip off. No harm in being prepared. In line, her eyes meet Kageyama's. She wants to encourage Hinata and him, but what advice does she have? What can she say that Sawamura already hasn't? There isn't time to mull it over. When she reaches them, she speaks from the heart.

"Try not to worry. Just give it your best tomorrow. I know you guys can do it!"

Saying nothing, Kageyama and Hinata each extend a fist to her. Yachi bumps her own against theirs. She moves forward in the queue, and hopes that at least a little bit of her good-grade energy has transferred to them.

When the team is finally more or less in their seats, Sawamura stands in the middle of the aisle at the head of the bus. "Alright everyone, listen up! If everything goes smoothly, it'll be about five or six hours until we get to Tokyo. Even though I know some of you are raring to go..." He pauses to raise an eyebrow at Nishinoya and Tanaka, who'd been whispering incessantly. They purse their lips instantly. "I want to make sure you all remember why we're going to Tokyo in the first place. When we get there, there won't be much time to relax. With that in mind, I suggest you all try to get some sleep while we're on the road. Alright?"

The resounding "yes" that follows is strange against the acoustics of the bus' interior. It doesn't echo the way it does in the gym. With the end of Sawamura's announcement, the bus rumbles to life. Everyone starts to settle in. While Takeda waits for the bus' engine to warm up, Shimizu quickly suggests that Yachi bring her own backpack over to a nearer seat, just in case something is needed during the ride. Yachi quickly heads to the front of the bus where some of the others' bags are piled together. As Sawamura plops down in a seat behind the bags, Yachi overhears his hushed conversation.

"Daichi, did you really mean what you said?" whispers Sugawara. "Do you think those flunkies will do great on their make-up tests?"

"No idea. But a captain's gotta trust his team, y'know?"

Yachi smiles at this notion of trusting her team. Having teammates at all is still unfamiliar to her, despite officially being part of the team for more than a week now. She finally finds her bag among the pile and returns to her seat. Once she settles in, the bus begins to roll forward. Yachi, Tanaka, and Nishinoya wave goodbye to Hinata and Kageyama. A small pang of hurt thumps in Yachi's chest when she sees the looks on the pair's faces, but it's like the captain said -- she just has to trust and believe that they'll succeed.

Right before pulling onto the main road, Coach reminds everyone to buckle up. When Yachi clicks her seat belt into place, her hands begin to tremble. It finally hits her that this is her first time going on a major trip without family. And most of the people on the trip are boys. Her nervousness starts to weigh more than her excitement. Yachi looks across the aisle at Shimizu for comfort, but she's already closed her eyes and is trying to sleep.

It's happening again. Her mind races through bad thoughts like a flip book, presenting her with every negative possibility at high speed: she's going somewhere she's never been before, so she could get lost and never be found; at the camp, there will be even more boys; she'll have to learn all these strangers' names, and embarrass herself when she forgets; the strangers themselves will probably be giants, so they could easily crush her if she says or does the wrong thing; maybe she won't be able to sleep on the bus, and she won't be able to perform well as a manager; they'll kick her off the team as soon as they get back to Miyagi; maybe they'll even fire her on the spot and she'll have to find her own way home. All of these possibilities seem more and more plausible the longer she dwells on them.

"Yachi-san?"

"Y-Yes!?"

Tanaka stares at her with concern. "Are you alright? You looked like you were far off somewhere else."

"Oh. I'm okay," says Yachi. "I'm just feeling a little..."

"Nervous?" Ennoshita whispers.

"How did you know?"

Tanaka snorts. "It was pretty obvious with the way you flinched when I got your attention."

Reaching over, Ennoshita flicks Tanaka's ear and leans across the aisle. "What Tanaka means is that we've gotten to know you pretty well, so we just wanted to make sure you were okay." His smile relaxes her trembling. "We wouldn't be friends otherwise, right?"

The question echoes for Yachi. "We're friends?"

"Duh!" Tanaka grins and rubs his ear. "The moment you decided to join the team was the moment we became friends with you!"

"Well, I'm glad to hear that out loud," says Yachi. She pushes one of her cuticles with a fingernail. "Since I don't think I've ever tried to make a friend by myself before."

"Sure you have!" Ennoshita says. "What about Hinata and Kageyama?"

"Well, that was more of an accident," she admits. "They came into my homeroom during lunch one day and asked me to help them study. After tutoring them so often, we just naturally bonded."

Tanaka closes his eyes and massages his temple. "Of course those two would barge into a classroom of someone they barely know."

"But it's strange that you all consider me a friend without me trying. Even with Hinata and Kageyama-kun, I can't pinpoint a specific moment that we decided we were friends. It's like it happened without me noticing." Yachi frowns. "How can I already be friends with people if I don't know how it happens to begin with?"

"Are you basically saying that you don't know how to make friends?" says Ennoshita.

The ludicrousness dawns on her. "I suppose I am," she whispers. Yachi wishes she could melt and soak right into the seat.

"You shouldn't have to sweat little things like that!" Tanaka watches Yachi's form shrink. "Uh--but if it really bothers you, we could teach you how, right Ennoshita?"

Ennoshita rubs his chin thoughtfully. "We could, but it's kind of hard to explain with words alone, since there are so many different factors. An easy one is just being yourself. You're a naturally kind person, so that helps." He begins to keep count on his fingers. "Another is sharing the same experiences, like growing up with the same classmates."

Yachi fidgets with more of her cuticles. She can't remember having made any lasting friends in junior high or before.

"But another is bonding over common interests," Ennoshita says. "That seems to be a go-to route for a lot of freshmen. What are some of your hobbies?"

"Hobbies? Let's see..." On an average day, Yachi wakes up and gets ready for school. She takes the bus and attends classes. She goes home, does some chores, eats dinner with her mother if her mother is home, takes a bath, then does homework. If she has time before bed, she'll either study more or meal prep if there aren't any left-overs. Aside from the volleyball club, she can't remember the last time she actively interacted with such a variety of people on a regular basis. Still, Yachi is too embarrassed to admit that she has no particular interests. She doesn't want them thinking she's any weirder than she already is. "Um, I'm not sure if the things I do count as hobbies. What do you guys do when you're not playing volleyball?"

"I work out!" Tanaka flexes and rubs his bicep. "It's a great way to release any stress or frustration built up inside me. I really like it! I've even had Noya join me from time to time. But he usually can't because he does his own thing. Actually, hang on." Tanaka whips around and leans across the aisle. "Psst. Noya. Hey, Noya."

Nishinoya stares out the window, thoughts elsewhere. Tanaka reaches into his backpack and throws a small crumpled paper at him, to Nishinoya's irritation.

"What!?" he whispers.

"Yachi-san wants to know about our hobbies," Tanaka whispers back.

"Oh, I play ping-pong with my grandpa!"

Yachi leans towards him to avoid speaking too loudly. "Really?"

"Yeah. It helps improve my physical reaction time, but mostly it's just really fun."

"That must be helpful for your skills as a libero, then." Yachi begins to see a pattern of hobbies being both beneficial and enjoyable. "If your hobby helps improve your volleyball play, what does your grandfather get out of it? Physical activity?"

Tanaka shakes his head. "Nah, Noya's grandpa gets the emotional satisfaction of kicking Noya's butt." He and Ennoshita can't help but snicker.

In retaliation, Nishinoya throws the paper back. It bounces off Tanaka's head and lands in the aisle. "You guys suck!" Nishinoya whisper-yells.

Ennoshita jerks his chin in the direction of the paper ball. "Don't forget to pick that up."

Tanaka uses his foot to bring the paper within reach. He grabs it and tosses it into his bag.

"What about you, Ennoshita-senpai?" Yachi, completely forgetting about her own embarrassment, becomes fully engrossed in learning more about the people around her.

"Me? I watch movies."

"Oh? What kinds?"

"All kinds. Action, comedy, horror. Sometimes I watch them for fun, and other times I watch them to study."

"Study?" Yachi imagines Ennoshita reciting lines in front of a mirror.

"Movies are a reflection of directors' and writers' creativity. When I study the films, I can get a better idea of what the directors and writers are like artistically." He shrugs. "It's really interesting to me, the storytelling."

Yachi wants to know more, but Tanaka begins another discussion that Ennoshita engages in. When she realizes that the conversation has quickly moved from hobbies to violence in films, Yachi leans back in her seat.

The volleyball club has taken up so much of her time outside of academics. Given their tight schedules, Yachi never considered that the others would have any major interests outside of volleyball. Ennoshita's passion in particular caught her off guard. If he can watch movies to study a creative outlet, Yachi wonders if there's a book she can read to study friendship. Maybe she can prepare to meet people the same way she prepares for tests. She makes a list in her phone that she plans on writing in her notebook later:

- be yourself
- share the same experiences
- bond over common interests

Yachi isn't a volleyball player. She doesn't feel passionate about working out, playing ping-pong, or watching movies.

Hopefully being herself will be enough.