The Lady in My Life : MJ imagines

Jealousy

1989.

By the end of the show, you had been swept up in the music and it felt like no time had passed, your nerves long forgotten. It was an amazing feeling, really, the ecstatic crowd as he walked out of stage and everyone bustled with after-show energy. Even though you were just substituting Sheryl as a backup singer for the last remaining days of his tour, you still felt high of it all.

Michael, of course, was soaked with sweat, breathless as the swarm descended with compliments, though he didn't smile or seemed to believe them even though he nodded at them. You knew he was a perfectionist in his own right and by his demeanor, he seemed agitated by how the performance went.

His eyes found yours briefly before he was hustled away in his dressing room. You hid your disappointment in conversing with some of the musicians as they packed up their instruments, including your boyfriend. Your mood felt sour, dampened, as Michael's displeasure radiated even after he left. His neglect of you for the last five days made you incredibly uneasy for a variety of reasons.

Part of you was glad because you felt like your head was clearer about the whole affair, that you had some semblance of control, that if you wanted to end it—and you should—that you could.

However, another part of you craved his attention, missing him desperately, worried that he'd gotten what he wanted from you and now was moving on. You kept thinking if he wasn't spending his nights with you who might be keeping his bed warm instead. This fear was beginning to wreak havoc and was at odds with your logical thoughts. You knew you needed to get over it, to get over him, that all of it was just for fun anyway.

It wasn't as if you didn't see him, though, it hadn't been alone. Between his schedule and your boyfriend seemingly looming everywhere, it has been hard to steal any time away. You didn't know if he suspected something might be going on between Michael and you, but he hadn't been off cavorting until all hours of the night anymore with some groupies.

At the after party, the guys had procured another gaggle of women to join all of you tonight. Your boyfriend had planted himself next to you, uncharacteristically, putting his arm around you. Surprised, you tried not to stiff, reminding yourself that this was his role to be affectionate with you.

You busied yourself making small talk as you all waited for Michael to appear. When he did, freshly washed, the smell wafted over you, reminding you of your last encounter in the shower. You flushed a little at that, hiding your face by sipping your drink.

Michael glanced at you momentarily as he entered. He seemed a little off and edgy, as he commanded the room and found a seat amongst the girls. Your jaw tensed as they fell all over him, and he flirted back as if he couldn't help it. This made you insane to think about his hands on someone else the way you wanted them to be on you.

And the more you wanted Michael's hands on you, you instead get your boyfriend's, which seemed to be gripping you everywhere. Over your shoulder, on your knee, on your hand, you were trapped in this torturous hell where you couldn't stop him without giving yourself away.

You were also trapped as you watched your lover give his attention to everyone but you. Every time he laughed or smiled or his eyes sparkled flirtatiously, or if he touched one or them or when they touched him, especially his hair as he normally didn't let anyone touch it, you wanted to launch out of your chair at him.

That was why he hadn't been seeing you the last few days, you thought, he had been with other women.

The thought dripped like poison into your heart, twisting it, filling you with anger and sadness.

This went on for what felt like an eternity, and you wanted to scream, to cry, to escape, but you couldn't help thinking it was your punishment for all your misdeeds. Your stomach was rolling with an ever-growing fury at your boyfriend, at Michael, at those girls, at yourself, and you started to squirm in your seat.