The Thoughts That Chew

Loophole

I feel the same thing everyday,
I do the same thing everyday,

i wake up
and I stay in my bed for a little while,
i go upstairs and try finding something to eat
but I know Ill never find anything
i just go back downstairs and go back asleep
i text some friends
my boyfriend
call him
and go to sleep late.

i have anger built up
so much of it
I'm tired
of being angry
i wanna be free
and just leave
everything behind

i know people are gonna leave me behind,
it's the same thing
everytime.

I always get so comfortable,
doesn't matter how deep I'm in love
how long it's been,
they leave
because of me

i am disgusting

i am a slob

all I do is eat
or dont eat at all

i wanna killmyself
but then I'm scared

i cut myself
and I am disappointed.

i relapse
and relapse
again and again and again.

and I think
"I'll change this time"

I lie
every single time

I lie to my family

my friends

Everybody i love

"I'm getting better"

But then I sit up late at night with

the urge

to slit my wrists

and I give in.

i wake up,
i stay in my bed a little while.
i go upstairs
try finding something to eat,
but I know Ill never find anything
i just go back downstairs and go back to sleep.

and I'll do it again.

you can change,
it will take time
take your time.