Panic Station

Chapter 9

OMFG I AM SO SO SO SO SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!! It's just my life has been going a million miles an hour for a while and I've had coursework deadlines and exams to study for and wow I've just been so exhausted my creative juices haven't flowed in a while and urg I am so excited to be starting this fic back up again, so please, enjoy :3 xxxxxxxx

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Chapter 9

I awoke to a pair of beautiful brown eyes staring worriedly down at me, though they seemed to flood with relief as mine fluttered open. Beside me, I felt my hand gripped tightly in someone else's and the warmth that it provided soothed the dull ache beating in my head and twisting knots in the pit of my stomach. I squeezed lightly on it, believing it to be the wonderful tanned hand of the brilliant boy hovering over me, however, my mind rapidly became confused as he backed away and left my blurred line of sight, leaving the heat still in my grasp. 

I felt a shift beside me and then whoever's hand I had been holding onto was dropped and two arms were flung around me. Beautiful, silky blue hair temporarily shaded my eyes from the room swimming around me. 

The pleasant feelings of affection were short lived. 

My heart beat began to increase alarmingly once more and I felt a cold sweat breaking out across my face. I jerked out of the embrace and didn't stop furiously pulling myself away until I looked up and my terrified eyes focused on the form of a girl. 

She had flowing blue hair that was smeared with purple and yellow paint, peppered with green. Her skin was ghostly but again was smeared with bright colours, and as recognition slowly crept up on me, I noticed the perfect crystals of tears glinting in her eyes that had clearly been falling for a while since they'd carved canyons down the paint on her cheeks.

Emma. 

"Phil, I was so worried! You blacked out and then I had to find Dan in the throng of people and oh my I thought you might die if I wasn't quick and so I got a bit bruised pushing through the crowd but I'm so glad you're okay and not dead!" She blurted the entire thing out in one breath as I stared at her dishevelled form. Suddenly she turned toward me and paused for just a moment, before leaning in and capturing my lips with her own, and then in the blink of an eye it was over and she was sitting on her legs in front of me. I sat rigidly, feeling my cheeks burning. 

A kiss. That's all, Phil, calm down! She likes you remember, she's going to do that from time to time, and you just have to deal with it because you can't tell her you don't want her to ... But even if you could, would you? 

I mean, my heart's a lighthouse built too far inland, and yet she'd found it was more than willing to climb to the top and guard it with her life ... A valued trait, in my opinion. 

But Dan!? 

I glanced behind her and caught a glimpse of the brown haired boy slip his hand around the waist of the girl he was with earlier, I think her name was Iona? All I remembered was that she was stunning, and had a bright and bubbly personality ... It really was no surprise Dan was smitten with her. She was pulled lightly into an embrace, and she rested her head on his chest, the fingers of his free hand gently playing with the perfect, golden tendrils of her hair. 

I blinked back my jealousy and tried to smile at Emma, to reassure her that I was alright, but as I lifted my hand it shook like a leaf, proving not only to her, but to myself as well, that I was far from it. I heard Dan mutter something to Iona, who quickly scurried to the door and quietly left through it. 

It was only then that I realised i wasn't in the large dark space we were tossing paint around (thankfully), instead I was sitting propped against a wall in my cabin, covered with a blanket, and a pillow at the small of my back. Presumably they couldn't lift me onto the bed so they attempted to make me as comfortable as they could on the hard, wooden flooring. 

Emma hugged me once more, and I focused of my breathing to keep it normal, but I couldn't stop my heart from pounding in my chest from the close proximity. 

Why wasn't I normal? Why couldn't I be close to people without feeling like crying or that my heart was going to explode? Just once I'd like to be able to talk to those around me and engage!

Instead I'm like this.

But just for a second, before the door burst open and my mother rushed up to me, tears leaking rivers down her reddened cheeks and eyes swimming with guilt, the tight constricting in my chest dissolved and I felt my arms wanting to hug her back, my lips craving to move and expel affectionate words in her direction, and my eyes yearning to see the light in her smile. 

But then it was over and my mother was kneeling before me, causing Emma to lurch backward and away from me, taking her warmth with her. I felt alone in her absence.

My mum wrapped me in a bone-crushing hug before pouring her apologies out thick, not that I was listening to a work of it. I wanted nothing more than to peel away and just think about that second. The second I felt normal. 

Over her shoulder, I saw my dad stalk in wearing a look of apologetic expression and regret. He was clearly having conflicting emotions over what had happened, for he was never one to let go of his pride and admit to being wrong, no matter how emotionally open he was. 

She'd want me to leave, I was sure of it. Both would think they were helping by whisking me away back home, telling me how sorry they were and then sweep it under the carpet as another failed attempt at 'fixing' me.

But not this time. 

I couldn't just leave! Not after that one second, I needed to hold tight to it and it seemed that Emma could provide me with that ... Not that I was sure how, but I was positive that leaving would end in me retracting further into myself, and I just couldn't allow that.

So I pulled away from my sobbing mother, and stared defiantly up at my father, willing him to understand the look.

I needed to say something to him, and it wouldn't be easy.