Panic Station

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The heavy wooden door clicked closed behind my dad as he turned to look at me, eyes swimming with various emotions. We were outside the cabin and clouds had begun to form swirling shapes that loomed overhead, causing a harsh chill to slither down my spine. Peering up at him, I saw that a frown marred his calm features. 

"It's okay, Phil. We're ... I'm sorry for making you come here. I knew you didn't want to but I pushed you into it and now this has happened and I feel awful for it!" In one swift motion he was pulling me into his fatherly embrace and stroking my hair like a boy reunited with his beloved puppy. "It was wrong for your mother and I to send you away like we did, and we've learnt that now, it'll never happen again, I promise you that. Now you need to pack your things, we're taking you home, it's okay now." No, I needed to stay. I needed to spend more time here!

So I pulled away, catching my father's bewildered look as I pushed him from me and took a step back. 

"Phil?" His eyebrows knotted as he reached out a trembling hand, beckoning me back to him. "What  are you doing? I'm so sorry." A stray tear found it's way sliding down his cheek, so I looked down and attempted to gathered my scattered thoughts. 

How do I tell him? There is no way I'll be able to voice what I think, what I need. I needed to stay and get to know Emma more, for there is something so enticingly endearing about her, something so reassuring and comforting that I felt an odd connection between us. That somehow she understood more than she let on, and It was essential I found out why. But what if I get all the way to the finishing post and crash just before it? 

My father's hand rested softly on my shoulder, bringing my attention away from my tangle of thoughts and back to him, and the situation at hand. "Philip, the car's out front, if you'd just-" A strangled cry of frustration escaped my lips and once again I pulled away from him and tried to speak. 

Just to say anything.

But only silence ensued my frustration at not being able to push the words out from my between my lips, they caught in my throat and refused to move. 

"Philip, I hardly think this is necessary! Please, stop fighting me, I've told you I'm sorry, and truely I am but you have to walk back in there with your head held high and pack, okay?" Stepping closer, he carefully placed both hands on my shoulders, before turning me to face the door and once again releasing me. 

No. No. NO! 

Desperation flooded my veins, surging at lightspeed through my system. I couldn't allow myself to be pulled from the only person I've ever connected with. Emma understood on a whole new level, and I couldn't let my parents drag me away from her! 

Digging my heels into the ground, I spun on them and faced my father, the words had moved from deep in my throat to just resting on the tip on my tongue, but as I opened my mouth to pour them to him, I realised that still they seemed reluctant to leave me. 

Please! Please, just speak! 

Tears of anger and annoyance leaked down my cheeks, carving canyons on their way to my chin. Sensing my difficulty, my father pulled my back into a hug, softly rubbing circles on my back to calm me. 

This was my chance, all I had to do was whisper it and I'd be done! So, taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes to focus

"...N....n.....o....No." I did it. I actually did it! 

However, I felt him stiffen around me, before he stepped back and frowned down at me. 

"What?" 

"...N...o...No!." The immense pride I felt, as finally the words fell from my tongue, drew me up from my insecure slouch to stand tall. My father's lips curled into a beam, before the weight of the word came down on his shoulders, causing the smile to fade and ghost. 

"No? What do you mean 'no'?" 

"I d...d ...don ...t wa....n...nt ..." I focused on not becoming tongue tied, and disected each word into nothing but one of a mere twenty-six letters. "...don ...t wan ...t ...t...to ...go." By this point, my dad's eyes had welled with pride, while his facial features were contorted into a grimace, as if my words pained him to hear. 

"But, Phil. Think about what just happened, what if it happened again? Would you really be willing to risk that? And for what?" He questioned me, expecting muttery stuttered answeres before catching my exhausted expression and dropping the interrogation. "Whatever's here that's caught your attention, must be pretty special." He smiled as a hot blush crept up my neck. "If you honestly want to stay..." I snapped my head up to look pleadingly at him as he paused. "...You just have to promise me one thing." Nerves spread like wildfire as I felt my chest constrict. Promises? What could he possibly want me to promise him? 

I decided to bite the bullet and agree, better that than stay pondering over it. Watching him attently, the corners of his mouth curled into a smile that expelled so much pride, I felt it warming my heart. 

"Just promise me that you wont stay angry at me. Because I love you with all my heart, as does your mother. That is all I can ask of you, is just your forgiveness." Grinning, I closed the space between us and hugged him tightly, which served as a better answer to his question than any amount of words could ever give.