Retribution

Chapter 17 - Reliving Nightmares

He dropped my hand, stood up, and started pacing back and forth across the room. A strained silence descended upon us. Panic started to ebb away at my confidence. Had this now pushed him too far?

I shook my head. He'd asked me for the details. It wasn't my fault if he couldn't handle them. As much as it hurt to keep my mind in that thought process, I had to. This was part of my healing. Plus, if he couldn't handle the dark truth, then he wasn't as sincere as he'd initially made out.

Managing a weak smile to myself, I pondered over the idea of using my tortured past as a screening process for potential boyfriends. It would be like riding an extreme ghost train through the London Dungeons.

Glancing back at Jake, he was running his hands through his hair. His eyes were darting from side to side like a wild animal and his tanned face was creased with concentration.

I picked at the bedsheets, smiling to myself for not going straight for my nails or my lips. I really had made progress.

"I'm so sorry," Jake said, striding back towards me. "I'm so sorry I asked you to relive that to me."

Before I could reply, he wrapped his arms around me in a soul-warming cuddle. It was then I realised that was all I'd ever needed. The tears streamed down my face in a silent river. I managed to smile through them as Jake tightened our embrace, pressing me further into his chest. It felt strange; as if my tears were somehow shedding my negative emotions with Adam and my past.

"You ok?" I asked, slightly nervous this was a goodbye.

With a gentle laugh, he pulled back just enough so we could speak. The sight of his tear stained face took all the air from my lungs. Had he really been crying? Over me?

"After that, you're asking if I'm ok?" He cupped my face and brushed my tears away with his thumbs. "I'm fine. I just...I don't know. I guess I should have known it would be horrendous after what happened on Sunday." He pressed his lips to mine and then rubbed our noses together, making me giggle. "If you need to talk about any of it, no matter how small, you come straight to me. Understand?"

I held my breath. My intention was to touch him, to stroke his face as he did mine, but I'd not willingly laid a hand on a man for years. I hesitated a few times before finally laying my palm against his cheek.

"I don't bite," he said, turning his face slightly to kiss my palm. "I swear to you that whilst I'm around, no one will ever hurt you. I promise."

I smiled and looked down, trying to quash my rising doubts. He was only in town for another week. Whilst I appreciated his gesture, I knew the reality beyond that was nothing but a fairy tale.

"Hey," he whispered, moving a hand to tilt my chin up. As if reading my thoughts, he said, "I'm going nowhere. I don't care we only a met a week ago; no one tells me how I do or don't feel about someone. You think I make a habit out of paying for strange women to stay in hospital?"

Giggling, I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know what you like to do for fun. Could be a weird hobby or something that's required after being with you."

He raised a single eyebrow. "Are you saying I drive them mad?"

"No," I said, laughing. "I'm saying you might have a kinky red room with some painful toys."

He chuckled. "Definitely neither. I'm afraid where it concerns both hobbies and the bedroom, I am rather traditional and old fashioned. What's the word...vanilla?"

"I like vanilla," I said, smirking.

"That's good." He gently touched my broken cheek, concern racing through his eyes. "Am I hurting you?"