Haseki Mihrişah Sultan

Lover and Advisor

For such a short time, I experienced many different feelings. I didn't have enough time to be happy because I had to worry. Those hours passed so quickly, yet so slowly. The poison came out of my body wanting to take with it all the life that was there. In the end, I was left without energy, lying there in a miserable state. I wasn't hungry, and I wasn't thirsty. I had no strength to move, and my brain was so confused that I could not process every thought properly as the terrible headache would start. Now I didn't have to think only about myself, but also about another life inside me. Another life that wanted to be nourished and grow and develop until the right time came to take it out of me.

I cried all night long. Finally, I understood that a child is a blessing, and you can't help but love it. I would protect this child, this life inside me, even if I risked my own. My parents would be overjoyed if they were alive. Their daughter is pregnant, and they are not there to know it. I can share this joy only with myself, as only I would understand that feeling.

The week was long and boring. I stayed in bed all day and got up only when I needed to change even then with the help of Esma and Ardita. Murad came to visit me about four or five times during that week. Always concerned about my condition and always there to support me and take care of me. Unfortunately, these visits were not long because, as the Sultan that he was, he had other governmental problems. Protests were taking place in the capital, and the situation was turbulent. Fatma Sultan came to keep me company several times, and we spent a nice time together, making me forget the fact that I was almost leaving this world behind.

Finally, I decided to get up and see a little bit of the world outside those four walls. Harem, as always, was full of different events occurring, but as soon as the girls saw me in the Corridor of Concubines, all attention turned to me. As I walked, some greeted me and smiled in my direction, while others looked at me with envy. I don't understand how you can hate someone who doesn't even know you and you don't even know him, but only because that person is luckier than you.

- Mihrişah Hatun, would you like a lokum, - asked me one of the girls who had come last month, carrying a small tray full of sweets.

- Definitely, - I told her, smiling and exchanging glances with Olga and Eudokia who were behind me.

- Tell me what you have in mind before I find it myself, - I said to them as we continued walking.

- Nothing, - spoke Olga calmly, - just after what happened, even if someone really wants the best for you we can't believe it, - she said in a persuasive tone.

And the idea itself was very true and convincing. The doctors told me that I had not taken that poison that morning or the evening before I fainted. I must have taken it with the same doses for several days in a row.

- Anyway, focus on the child, - said Eudokia when we left the Corridor, - as soon as he is born, they will not call you Hatun, but Sultan, - and laughed.

- What if the child is not a 'he', - I said, provoking them, - what then?

- Don't worry, - answered Olga, patting my shoulder lightly, - His Majesty loves you so much that you will give birth to a boy sooner or later.

I greeted them both before leaving. I had been planning on visiting Murad. The fact that I had gotten out of bed would make him happy and I would try to ease the burden that he was bearing these days. The corridors hadn't changed at all, and my legs stretched as they walked. I covered my face with my headpiece before entering the lobby in front of his room, but I met a young man, maybe about my age, who was sulking with anger.

At first, I was surprised to see someone in that condition there, but when I noticed his clothes, I figured he maybe was someone from the Royal Family and not someone common. I bowed slightly as I passed through and headed for the guards.