Haseki Mihrişah Sultan

Beginning of Rivalry

Summer is gone, and autumn has come. The air does not have that warmth and summer heat, but an almost sharp freshness for the skin. The sun rises later and sets faster. Some flowers in the garden are losing those spring shades. The grass is wetter, and the birds seem to hide on occasion, taking away the joy they used to offer.

As always, the Palace continues to be a place where your whole life revolves around it. The walls look suffocating, but they are deadly enough to keep you alive. At first, I thought that running away was the solution. Then, the adaptation. Now I think that it is enough to breathe, eat and drink, and I am alive. Because when you have these, you continue to live, and when you continue to live, it's useless to complain.

Maybe freedom doesn't exist, but I'm lucky. Freedom is a concept that changes depending on the person. Someone considers power and fame freedom, while someone else calls it freedom when they are not shackled or imprisoned. I personally think that I am as free as my voice and my opinions are heard. So free that my body seems to be able to move and travel without crossing the limit. Humanity needs boundaries. People need it. "My freedom ends where yours begins," my father used to say. I can't ask for more by taking from others. It is called dishonesty and injustice.

So I will continue to live, taking advantage of the opportunities offered to me and not letting others take what belongs to me. I'm ready to offer you a piece of bread if you're hungry, maybe even two, but I'm hungry too. Just as I found food, so should you.

After a month, Murad hasn't lost his interest in me. All the girls have started talking about this. Some say that he must be blind since I am not that special, while some others behave nicely towards me, even though I know that they do that only for interest. No other girl has been called by him or sent to him since when I spent my first night with him.

He is really nice, actually. We have become more open and close to each-other. I tell him stories of my childhood, and he tells me his. He smiles a lot when I am with him, though. I even asked him about this one night.

- I don't understand what's so funny, - I said to him as he continued playing with my hair.

- Why, aren't you happy seeing me smile to you? - he asked and looked at me in the eyes.

His stare was deep. There was so much strength and power in his eyes that I was surprised how I had never noticed that in his attitude with me.

- No, I am, - I answered while lowering my gaze, - its just weird to see you smile even when I don't say anything funny or beautiful.

- That is because, - he began to speak while pulling me closer, - your words don't have to be funny or beautiful when you yourself are funny and beautiful. Very, very beautiful, - he added and kissed me in the cheek, smiling.

Moments like this made me question our relationship. Eudokia says that he is really romantic while Olga says that he is in love with me. This wouldn't be a problem at all unless I would have the same feelings for him, too. Do I? I actually like him. He makes me laugh, too. He respects me a lot. Says nice words, has given me many gifts, calls me whenever he finds a little bit of free time, and always asks me about my day or how I am doing. These are all good signs.

I've noticed that this has changed my life. Since when I met him, my life has taken another direction. A happier one. If I wasn't sent to him, I would have been really desperate right now. Also, if Fatma Sultan wouldn't take me under her service, I would still be living miserably compared to my living now. This palace seems so bad and evil, but as soon as I met him, somehow, my perspective for this palace has changed. Now I find even the smallest things interesting and positive vibes get to me quickly.

The only problem is that no good thing comes for free. It is always followed by a bad one. The bad thing that is following me is that I am in the Ottoman Empire's Sultan's Harem. I can not be the only woman that stays with him even if I try. Also Murad has another wife who has given him two children. She will not let me, a simple Favourite, ruin her achievement just like that.