Hue in my Photograph (Hue Series #4)

Hue #13

Hue #13

Mirn’s POV

“Mere…”

My whole body stiffened upon hearing him call my name in a soft low voice. I didn’t move. Nanatili akong nakatayo sa harap ng kitchen sink. Binuksan ko na lamang ang faucet at nagkunwari na naghuhugas ng kamay—nilakasan ko pa nga ang buhos ng tubig para hindi ko marinig kong anuman ang sasabihin niya.

Ngunit ilang segundo na ang lumipas ay wala pa rin siyang sinabi kaya pinatay ko na ang faucet. I wiped my hands on the kitchen towel hanging on the wall. Is he expecting me to say something? Ano ba ang dapat kong i-react?

I heaved then counted one… two… three… before I faced him. His hair was messy, something I had liked before, including his wet look, and his hair after a race—I still like it now.

“Hey,” he said again, his eyes brimming with longing. I could feel his desire to touch me. Mahal ba niya ako… minahal ba niya ako?

I hate how I always ask that to myself since…

“Gabby’s already sleeping,” he told me with a tired smile. Wala nga rin pala siyang pahinga dahil sa parade, press con tapos sa practice game nila kanina.

Kailangan din niya na matulog nang maaga dahil qualifying game na bukas kaso imbes na makapagpahinga ay nakipaglaro pa siya kay Gabby. I told him not to, ayaw naman magpaawat dahil minsan lang daw niya makasama ang anak.

I agreed to come with Gabby for the Singapore Grand Prix as no one was available to come. Tingin ko ay pinagkaisahan na nila akong lahat para ako ang sumama. They are all shippers—gusto nila na maging maayos na kami ni Gavion.

Pwede naman… kung ipapaliwanag niya sa akin… kung bibigyan niya ako ng rason. I was waiting for that… pero wala, e. Tanging sorry lang, hindi ko kailangan no’n, I need explanation because without that—I would forever question my worth. Lagi kong iisipin na kasalanan ko lahat dahil umasa ako. Just one valid reason—patatawarin ko siya at tatanggapin ko siya.

But where is that? Dapat ba na magmakaawa pa ako para ibigay niya sa akin ang rason? I didn’t build myself for years just to beg—not worth my time now.

“You can sleep with him inside the bedroom. I’ll sleep on the couch,” he said, hawak ang extra comforter at unan.

Isang suite sa hotel lang kasi ang kinuha namin, bukod sa ayoko na marami pang tanong si Gabby ay ayoko rin na maging talk of the town na naman ng press dahil lang sa hindi kami nagsama sa isang kwarto. Hindi naman na ako kinukulit para sa mga interview pero paborito na ako ng cameramen kaya bawat Grand Prix ay may mukha ako at si Gabby tapos nagmamatyag din sila sa bawat galaw ko.

Bigla kong namiss ang best friend ko na si Ashley. Naalala ko na nagpa-practice pa kami no’n para kapag naging non-showbiz girlfriend na ako ni Gavion. Time flies… feeling ko na siya pa rin ang number one shipper kung nabubuhay pa siya.

“No, you sleep with him,” I replied, pretending to check the fridge for food so I could avoid his gaze. “You don’t get to be with him everyday so it’s okay. Dito na lang ako sa couch.”

“Are you sure?”

I forced a smile when I turned. “Yes, he’ll probably look for you once he wakes up so it’s better for you to stay with him.”

“Mere… thank you.” He smiled at me. “Thank you for being here.”

“It’s for Gabby,” I replied plainly. “You are right. He is our son. You deserve to be with him. Let’s be civil in front of him… and in front of cameras… but let’s ignore each other when it is just the two of us.”