Hue in my Photograph (Hue Series #4)

Hue #14

Hue #14

Mirn’s POV

What the fuck is wrong with Gavion? He got the pole position and he was so close to winning again—he was supposed to win. But I wasn’t sure what went wrong, biglang nasa third spot na siya, Marcus got the second spot, and the first spot—Mealor!

Sa sobrang inis ko na rin dahil nag-expect ako na mananalo siya — it was his fault for raising the bar because all my Grand Prix were won by him — ay inaway ko talaga siya.

“Mere, I thought you don’t care anymore,” walang-gana na sagot niya sa akin.

See? This is what I hate about him. His mixed signals, his indecisiveness, his uncertainty! He can easily change his behavior whenever he wants to, without offering any reasons. Akala ko ba ay gusto niya na maging ayos kami, na maging magkaibigan kami—yet he is giving me that attitude? Sinong hindi maiinis sa kan’ya?

“What is wrong with you?” I raised my voice.

Mabuti na lang dahil naiwan si Gabby sa Tito Chiro at Tita CL niya. I don’t want him to see how disappointed and frustrated I was towards his father. Okay na nga, e. Sinabi ko na nga sa sarili ko na bibigyan ko siya ng chance; each time… Gavion’s failing me.

“Do you really want me to care or not? I am asking you what is wrong, Gavion? Why did you purposely lose the game? You were winning.”

“Because of the tires,” iritang sagot niya na para bang kasalanan ko pa na nagtanong ako. “You know how I was accurate when it comes to calculating when my tires will retire so I had to slow down because it will not make me win. What’s the point? I got the third spot and Marcus got the second spot. You don’t expect me to always win, Meredith, because I cannot.”

“You cannot or you won’t?” I yelled at him.

Naging maamo ang mukha niya nang makita na sasabog na ako sa sobrang galit. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ba nagagalit ako kung buhay naman niya ‘yan, kung sariling career naman niya ang sinisira niya. Wala naman akong pakialam pero ewan ko ba… pakiramdam ko kasi ay may kinalaman ako.

I don’t want to assume so I was asking but he’s giving me that attitude. Nakakainis lang!

“Mere, just drop this, please…” his voice was begging as he turned his back on me. “Just drop this… I don’t want to talk about this. You should get Gavion so you can go home—”

“Is it because of me?” I gulped the lump in my throat. “Is it because of me, Gavion…?”

“No.” He denied.

“Then look at me and tell it to my eyes!” I pulled him to face me, my eyes brimming with tears. “Is it because of me?”

“Meredith, are you insane?” He scowled, pulling his hand away from me, not wanting to meet my gaze. “Why would you think it was because of you?”

“I don’t know…” I brushed my hair in frustration. “You started losing the Grand Prix when you lost me.”

“So what?” Walang emosyon na tanong niya. “What makes you think everything's about you?”

“I don’t know! That is why I am asking you, Gavion. What is wrong…because there is something wrong! Is it because of Mealor? You had a beef with him years ago. He always wanted to win but he couldn’t and now—”

“Cut it, Meredith. Cut it,” he said in an authoritative voice. “Please, let us not talk about this. You were right.” He closed his eyes and heaved. “Let’s ignore each other when it is just the two of us.”