Will You Love Me Then?

Chapter 1 - Summer

Fifteen more minutes until the department meeting is over. Fifteen more minutes until I can spit out this piece of gum that has turned rather gummy and completely tasteless. Breathe, Summer. It is just fifteen more minutes.

My hands are clammy, and I feel like everyone has been able to hear me chewing this piece of gum for the last forty-five minutes. I meant to spit it out into the wrapper before the meeting started, but I got distracted by my sweet co-worker Jenny, and then the meeting started, and I didn't want to spit my gum out with everyone in here. And now it would be weird to spit it out now so I just have to wait until I can either get back to my desk or escape to the bathroom.

I am thankful I am wearing a dark sweater over my blouse today, so no one will be able to see the sweat stains that are likely visible on my shirt. I hate these meetings. There are too many people crammed into a small room with practically no elbow room between us, and we are expected to actively pay attention the entire time.

Normally, I can pay attention, but I forgot to take my anti-anxiety medication yesterday, so now I am an anxious, sweaty mess for literally no reason. I take a few inconspicuous deep breaths and wipe my hands on my pants. There is no danger here. My co-workers like me; at least I think they like me. My boss seems pleased with my work recently and even complimented me on my rapid but thorough documentation last week.

Breathe. Ten more minutes. Write down the words you are hearing. Pretend that you are fine. Write down the upcoming evaluation dates and when new student researchers will be shadowing us for the day. Write down the changes to the documentation system. Five more minutes. Breathe. Focus on the words you are hearing and write them down. Two more minutes. Breathe.

Done.

Even though I desperately wanted to sprint out of this room, I waited until at least three other people had left first. I can't seem too eager to leave, and I don't want to seem like I am lingering unnecessarily, so I always leave when about half of the others have left. I plastered a soft smile on my face and gathered my papers, standing up. I slowly made my way over to my desk and grabbed a tissue to spit this horrible piece of gum out. I grabbed another tissue and fake blew my nose, so no one would question it when I walked over to the trash can to throw away my tissues.

I stuck my hand under the hand sanitizer dispenser to wipe my hands clean, so no one would think I was gross for not sanitizing my hands after blowing my nose. I made it back over to my desk and gracefully sat down, crossing my ankles as I pulled myself toward my computer. I had four more patient files I needed to finish before I could go home for the day. At least today is Friday, and I can rest over the weekend.

Patient One is a ten-year-old girl who was recently diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, a heart condition that causes blood to flow backward into the mitral valve of the heart. My job as her genetic counselor is to help her cope and learn to deal with the new diagnosis. I uploaded my notes from today's appointment:

Patient appeared relaxed and comfortable during the appointment. Patient reported frequent dizzy spells since the last appointment. Mother says, "She often has to take breaks when walking up the stairs because she feels out of breath."

New medication was started twelve days ago and does not seem to be helping yet. Encouraged the family to be patient and give it more time before discussing other treatment options. Follow-up scheduled for six weeks.

I added her new medications to her list before sending a quick message to her mother through our patient portal, saying I was happy to see them today and that if she ever has any questions, she can message me here.

I repeated the process for my remaining three patients, also sending quick messages to their parents or guardians. While documentation is not my favorite part of my job, it is critical to provide accurate descriptions of the appointments for each patient's team of medical professionals to collaborate, creating the quality medical care I wish I could have had when I was a child.