If You Love Me, Get Clean

Chapter Three

2012

Love's never lost when perspective is earned
Forgive me, Peter, please know that I tried
To hold on to the days when you were mine
You said you were gonna grow up
Then you were gonna come find me

"Hi."

Sherlock spins around on his heel, almost dropping the sugar dish in his hand. Alice smiles as she watches him fumble it back onto the worktop. "Er– Yes. Hello."

"I was hoping to make a cup of tea. I'm going to pop to the estate agents so..."

"Of course. I'll make it."

"You will?"

He rolls his eyes. "I can make tea."

"Used to take bribery before."

"Just give me the cup."

They both reach for the mug at the same time, their fingers brushing together. Neither one of them move, just staring at their hands clasped around the ceramic. His thumb brushes over her knuckles.

"Sherlock–"

"It's strange," he says quietly. "Hearing that name in your voice."

Alice swallows thickly. "It is your name now."

"Hmm," his eyes flick up to meet hers. "Alice, I don't–"

John chose that moment to stroll into the sitting room, collapsing into his chair noisily and clearing his throat pointedly. "Tea would be lovely, thanks Sherlock."

Sherlock's eyes close, smoothing her skin once more before squeezing her fingers and taking the cup from her. "Congratulations, by the way."

"Hm?"

"Getting the researcher position at UCL."

"Oh, yeah. Thanks. Worked my arse off."

Sherlock huffs a laugh. "I don't doubt it. Mycroft used to give me updates here and there... When I– You know, I would ask."

Alice raises an eyebrow. "You had your brother stalk me?"

"Nooo– Maybe a little."

She shoves his shoulder, leaning back against the kitchen counter. He smirks. For a short moment it felt like it did when they were teenagers. "Why didn't you reach out yourself?"

Sherlock blinks a few times, pausing with the milk hovering above one cup. "Would you have allowed me to?"

"Of course I would have. I told you, I don't hate you. I never did. I hated what you were doing to yourself, but never you," she chews on her bottom lip. "I would have stayed."

"I've never deserved your forgiveness, Alice."

"But you went to rehab, you've stayed clean, you're alive."

"Because of you," he says softly, shaking his head. "Rehab doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything–"

John walks over, eyeing them suspiciously. "Are you ready to go look at some flats?"

Alice plasters on a smile. "Yeah, sure."

"Think we'll skip the tea. We'll get a coffee to take away from Speedy's," John was glaring pointedly at Sherlock. "I'm sure Alice would prefer something stronger."

Sherlock purses his lips. "She takes two sugars."

John raises his eyebrows.

"Yesterday evening you took her up a cup of tea with only one."