If You Love Me, Get Clean

Chapter Thirteen

2012

I find myself at your door
Just like all those times before
I'm not sure how I got here
All roads, they lead me here

Sherlock barges past her and into the flat, sweeping over to turn her TV off, then stopping in the middle of her living room with his hands on his hips and his foot tapping.

"Sherlock, seriously, what is going on?" she stands with her arms folded over her chest, raising an eyebrow at him. "I've had John on the phone telling me to stay away from Baker Street, now you've shown up to my flat in a tizzy. What is happening?"

"There's something I need to tell you."

"Ominous much?"

"You might want to sit down."

Her face falls, hands clenching into fists at her sides. "Please don't tell me you've broken your sobriety."

Drugs. It was her first thought, and she hates herself for it. He's been clean for so long, but all she could think was that all the drama with Moriarty had pushed him to the edge, that he wanted to escape into some drug-fueled high.

He scowls, but a fleeting look of understanding flashes across his face. He wasn't angry she'd jumped to conclusions, he almost expected it. "What? No!"

The breath that she let out could only be described as pure relief. "What is with all this cloak and dagger–"

"Alice, I have been shot at, arrested, and on the run already tonight. Can you please just listen."

"Shot at? Arrested? What the fuck is going on–"

"Alice–"

"You were shot at? If you're hurt–"

"Alice!"

Her mouth snaps shut, dropping down onto the sofa, staring up at him. This is serious. Alice can feel the tension rolling off of him in waves, he's genuinely worried. Sherlock Holmes is worried. If he's panicking then what hope did the rest of them have?

"Alice, listen to me, something is going to happen and I... I don't want to be the cause of your hurt, and I don't want you to be left in the dark about my welfare again, so I'm going to tell you everything, and I need you to– to just... listen," he stops pacing to look at her frowning up at him. He waits for her for nod her understanding before he continues. "It's– You're not going to like it, and you're going to think I'm insane, but I need you to trust me."

Alice swallows thickly. "I trust you, but you're scaring me."

His eyes widen and he drops to his knees in front of her, holding the hands in her lap. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to, I just..." he presses his head to hers, closing his eyes for a moment, thinking. "This thing we've planned, it's dangerous, it could go wrong–"

"We?"

"Mycroft and I."

"Right."

"You... You need to know. I need you to know. I don't want to leave you thinking the worst of me yet again, so you need to know everything," he pulls his head back to meet her eyes. "But this is a lot to take on. You might not like what you hear. And if you know, while everyone else does not, that could become a heavy weight to bear, especially when John is your family."

Alice squeezes his hands. She has absolutely no idea where this is going, but she trusts him, and she'll be damned if she doesn't do what she can to help. "It's okay, Sherlock, I can handle it."