Seduction and destruction

48-It's real...just not normal.-Indie

I  look at Ivarsen, my eyes conflicted.

I can't trust him.I can't be with him.

Right?

That's wrong.

That's wrong.

I'm being foolish for still feeling  for him, knowing he is fundamentally incapable of love as I  understand...

Is it wise to invest my heart in someone who could manipulate and potentially hurt me again?

Am I just romanticizing toxic relationships?

I'm questioning my  own judgment.

I began to question my own judgment.

Can I really justify having feelings for someone who lacks the capacity for empathy or remorse?

The realization that I'm  drawn to  someone who is inherently unfeeling and manipulative challenges my own moral compass.

I have feelings for a psychopath.

I  start to question my own judgement, wondering if I'm being weak or naive.

Why am I still attracted to him?

I wonder loud, my voice filled with confusion and self-doubt.

Is there something wrong with me for still loving a person who can't love back?

Am I just being stupid?

Is it wrong to want someone who's emotionally unavailable?

The moral conflict within me is further exacerbated by the knowledge that to be with a psychopath is to knowingly engage in a relationship where trust and genuine emotion are nearly impossible.

I close my eyes.

Breathe.

He said breathe.

How did he know?

I swallow and stand.

My voice is shaky as I speak.
"How am I supposed to trust you again?" I ask, my words dripping with hurt.

He hesitates, his usually composed demeanor faltering. He looks at me, his expression a mixture of resignation and remorse.
"I know it's difficult for you to trust me..." He admits, his voice steady yet soft.
"And I don't blame you. I've given you no reason to believe anything I say. But I swear, I'll do whatever it takes to rebuild that trust."

I  let  out a heavy sigh, the weight of the situation and Ivarsen's words causing me to momentarily close my eyes. It's silent as I  struggles to articulate my  next words.

I open my eyes again, my gaze locking onto Ivarsen.
"How do I know your promises aren't just another manipulation?" I ask, my voice a whisper filled with pain.

He's  speechless . He doesn't say anything.

He's not...

He takes a deep breath.

"You don't." He says , dropping his gaze.

Oh God.

"You have no way of knowing if my promises are genuine or just another play to get you back."

God...
I brush my tears away.

Ivarsen pauses.
"All I can do is give you my word." He says, looking back up at me.
"I know that isn't much. But I'm telling you the truth when I say I won't intentionally hurt you again."

"And what if you do end up hurting me again?"I ask my   voice low. "What then?"

Ivarsen clenches his jaw, anticipating the question.
"If I hurt you again, even subconsciously, I swear I'll walk away." His voice is firm, his words intended to convey conviction.
"I won't make you suffer any more than I already have."