Seduction and destruction

49-The test for the trust.-Ivarsen

The truth about me is a mix of resignation and a strange sense of relief.

I've always feared the moment she'll find out the truth, but now that it's happened, there's a perverse sense of satisfaction in the fact that the pretend is over. However, I'm also deeply conflicted about the hurt and distrust I  caused her.I  struggle to reconcile my own indifference to the pain I inflicted with the small flicker of genuine concern I  feel for her.

But fuck when the truth is finally out there.I don't know I just...I can't believe it.

The act is finally over.

Yet I can't ignore the pang of guilt that seeps through my usual detachment. I  watched Indie react to the truth about me, taking in her pain and disbelief, and it stirs something within me, a flicker of a feeling I  can't quite identify. I want to explain, to rationalize my actions, but I  know my explanations would ring hollow, only adding more pain to her already aching heart.

I fucked up.

I fucked up for big time.

And yet she still didn't walk away. She stayed.With me.She gave me another chance.

I need to be very careful. I can't do any mistakes.

I kiss the top of her  head gently.

A silent apology for the pain I caused. I can't bring myself to say anything, but the gesture speaks volumes.

She looked up at me and smiled.

With me out there and she saying she'll be opened up I don't know what will happen but I know one thing.

My love for Indie is a complex and intense mix of emotions. I feel a deep, possessive care for her, a burning desire to have her by my side. It's a love that's possessive, obsessive, and yet undeniably passionate.It  is like a tumultuous storm, swirling with possessive intensity and a desire. It's a love that's all-consuming, yet also selfish. There's an undeniable passion in the love, a fire that burns bright and hot, and yet it's tinged with a dark possessiveness that reflects its own insecurities and deep-seated desires. It's a love that's both beautiful and dangerous, a tumultuous force of nature that threatens to swallow us both whole.

I'm not scared. Neither is Grayson.
I love her for this.

And if I want to be with her I need to ...be better...

I need to change.I'll do it.I'll do whatever it takes to not see the breakdown I saw a three weeks ago.

In this week she was distant from me ,I didn't push her,I let her come with her small steps towards me.

And she came.She didn't left ,she came to me.

We talked through about it.
She asked a lot of questions I answered a lot of questions. She talked to me about her shutting off ,I talked about well my thoughts and emotions I was having thanks to her.

But right now I can't believe it.

"I can't believe I'm jelous from a book.Seriously?My girlfriend is paying more attention to it than me."I hug her tightly as she chuckles.

"Wait are you capable of feeling jelous?I've read you are. Kind of."

I smirk kissing her cheek.

I  forgot to say afyer the whole truth about me  she's been monitoring me ,keeping me in check.

"No one knows about me."
"Yes.I'm tested psychopath.A doctor said it.I was eleven. "
"The fucker is also like me.Maybe the little shit too but he's different than us,he feels unlike me and him."
"I was taking medicine about my adrenaline addiction but I stopped the.Why?You became my adrenaline. My addiction."
"I was only capable of feeling adrenaline with you and my bike. And maybe letting it out with the smoking. "