𝘓𝘢𝘣𝘺𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘩 ༄

chapter 10

i know that he's my ex,
but can't two people reconnect?
______________________

The day passed, and I never received a message from Soobin. I found out from Yeonjun that he took the train back to Seoul, and he didn't look very happy. It's sickening. How Soobin and I fight and don't talk for days, sometimes weeks. But I never left because I knew he loved me, and he never left because he knew I loved him.

But still, my chest feels the same pain over and over again whenever we fight. At least it's not the same as I felt before with this guy in front of me.

"You're marrying that guy?" Beomgyu asks with his brows furrowed. He's massaging his temples like the fact that I still love Soobin despite all is the most frustrating thing he's ever thought about.

"Yeah. I have picked out the dress and the venue, the date is around December this year, I think."

"You have to reconsider, Shin. For my own sanity," Taehyun says holding onto the inner corners of his eyes and his eyes furrowed. He went here because Beomgyu messaged him to visit.

Why are they all minding my engagement problem? It's not like they're the ones getting married anyway.

"I love him..." I said in a whisper.

"What a pathetic excuse," Beomgyu muttered to himself.

"Maybe it's pathetic for you because you never loved anyone properly, Choi Beomgyu."

I knew that struck him because he glared at me so deeply, my skin crawled. He closes his eyes and sighed. "If you love him, then talk to him. A nice conversation would help so much than you actually think."

I took the advice, and messaged Soobin right away. Maybe the guys are just concerned for me. I have been crying in my room since last night. My eyes are swollen and my face is puffy, that I had to put spoons in the fridge to help depuff my eyes.

Yeonjun pats my head, and sat on the chair beside me. "Ryujin, I've always known you as the wisest one."

"Please don't tell me you're going to blurt out words of wisdom. You're only 2 years older." He chuckles at my remark.

"I may not know any better in relationships, but I can sense how you aren't always the happiest when he's around," he tells me.

He clasps his hands together, and looks at me. "When you're with us in the set, you are always happy. Laughing and smiling." That's because I love what I do in the field where all of us are in.

Being a known journalist is a dream I have been chasing since I was little, and Yeonjun knows that. "I know. It's because you love what you are doing, but shouldn't that be the same when you're with Soobin?"

That's when I thought of his words. I've always felt constricted when Soobin and his family is around. I want to be perfect for them. I don't want any flaws to show because I hate to see them be disappointed in me and my choices. However, that constriction didn't make me love Soobin any less. He always makes me feel loved and wanted. I always long for him, but a part of me tells me that Soobin shouldn't be the way he is towards me.

That he should consider my feelings more, but I know that's just selfish. Maybe all along I am the one who isn't minding of his feelings that I start victimizing myself.

After all, loving someone isn't for the weak. Real love between two people must be a strong pillar that no storm or calamity can ever break it. It is what I hold onto when I think of Soobin. I love him with all of me that I would go through his highs and lows, pain, and sorrow.