The Heroes of Baldur's Gate... and Me

Part 2 - A Wizard in Need

I awoke in the morning to the sound of movement outside of my tent. I opened my eyes to see the roof of the tent above me, the morning sun creating pin pricks of light through the fabric. My night had been plagued with nightmares; of falling into darkness as tentacled hands reached out to grab me.

I sighed and pushed myself up onto my elbows - when I saw a goblet of water next to me. I had not put that there and it certainly wasn't there last night.

I looked at the goblet confused, until it hit me. Someone must have heard my episode last night and came to check on me. Someone saw me like that!

My heart began beating fast, a lump in my throat. I was consumed with horror and embarrassment. I dropped back down onto my back. I was ashamed that someone had seen me in that state. Now they must really think I'm pathetic. A worthless loser! They are not going to want me around. Why am I so useless?

My eyes flooded with tears and a sob escaped my throat. Unfortunately this only served to make me feel worse. But there was something else; I was angry. Angry with myself.

Stop crying you loser, you are making things worse!

I'm not sure how long I lay like this, just staring at the roof of my tent. I felt numb. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to do anything. But I knew I couldn't stay like this, I couldn't just hide forever. Come on Tamara, you can do this.

I reluctantly push myself off the bedroll and make my way out of my tent. It is a clear day, the sun shining down on the camp and reflected off the rippling surface of the lake. I braced myself to face the others, but was relieved to see only Shadowheart sat on one of the logs. She looked up at me, a curious look on her face. I walk over and join her on the log.

At first neither of us speak, both of us staring awkwardly at the cold embers of last nights fire. Eventually I clear my throat and turn to her. "Where is Tav and Astarion?"I ask, as there was no sign of either them.

"Tav wanted to scout the road ahead and took Astarion with her" she replied, her face serious as always. "They left a couple of hours ago."

"Ah okay" I said, not sure what else to say. The awkward silence had just started to grow again when Shadowheart suddenly moved closer to me, her body turned towards me. She looked at me so intensely, with her big gray eyes that locked on my blue ones.

"You have felt loss and pain. But you do not need to let this weaken you. It is through loss that we can grow stronger and embrace our true potential." She looked at me in earnest, and her hands gripped my own. Her eyes alight with fervour and excitement, while my mind was muddled with confusion. "You need not fear the darkness, but embrace it!"

Hesitantly, I pull my hands back from her grasp. She continues to speak. "Let your pain be your might. I worship Shar, the Mistress of the Night. The Lady of Sorrows. The Nightsinger. Most fear the dark, like children. Because in Darkness many see their fears reflected. But Shar teaches us to step beyond fear. Beyond loss. In darkness we do not hide - we act."

Shadowheart leans closer to me, her voice rising in volume. "Pain. Hope. The promise of better days. All of these are heavy cloaks that bend our backs and burden our hearts. But we shed these cloaks. Before Shar we stand gloriously naked, beyond the vanities of mortals!"

I quickly stand and take several steps back, suddenly afraid of the person before me. My head spins with everything she has told me. She is a Sharran, a worshipper of the evil goddess Shar! The worship of Shar was forbidden in most places across Faerun. They say Sharrans are ruthless killers, devoid of emotion and compassion. Their hearts are pure darkness.

"Do not be afraid Tamara, I believe I can help you. Shar can help you." Shadowheart stands and walks towards me, closing the distance between us again. Her face is alight with passion and reverence.