Jealousy in the Wasteland

Chapter 14 - These Dreams

*word count : 1075*

~Hancock's POV~

I look into her eyes. They're usually so bright, so full of life and hope and radiance, but now they're... empty. They may as well look like mine; cold, dark, black. Her eyelids are swollen and puffy, eyes completely bloodshot from crying. She looks like a shell of herself and nothing more.

We sit in an uneasy silence, my hand still gently stroking her cheek. She normally leans into my touch, but this time she seems cold and distant from it, like she's not really there. "Did something happen?" I ask quietly, treading lightly. Her eyes meet mine again, I try to read what's behind them but there's nothing. I softly kiss her hand and leave the room, shutting the door behind me.

I hear muffled sobs, but know it's best if she's alone right now. I walk down the hall towards the kitchen area where Codsworth is, essentially interrogating the bot. "Codsworth, I like you. I'd like it to stay that way, so I need you to tell me what is going on." I say, pressing my palms flat on the counter separating us.

"Mister Valentine already tried this, sir. I am not at liberty to discuss mum's feelings." He states matter of factly, spinning around to clean something behind him. I don't bother saying another word, instead heading out of the refurbished house and starting towards Diamond City.

I have to stop and grab a gas mask on the way so I don't get executed on sight, but still make pretty good time. I get some odd looks from the citizens of Diamond City, but couldn't care less.

Upon reaching Valentine's office, I knock firmly three times before just letting myself in. He's sat in his chair, feet propped up on the desk in front of him, blowing the smoke from his cigarette towards the ceiling. He shoots a glance at me before looking back up.

"Nick, the fuck is going on?" Silence. He lets out a sigh, placing his feet flat on the floor and looking at me. "You can take off the mask in here, y'know." He places his elbows on his knees, now looking down at the floor in front of him. "I don't know, Johnny. I really don't." My face twists in confusion at the synth being... decent? I sit at Y/N's desk, opposite from Nick.

"Do-do you think we did somethin'?" I trip over my words, not really wanting the answer. My question hangs in the air, the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. Nick flicks his gaze over to me, shrugging. We sit there in silence, him lighting a cigarette and me taking a quick hit of Jet.

~Y/N's POV~

I can't move. I can't leave my bed without the crushing feeling of betrayal sinking into my chest. I lie in what used to be the bed I shared with Nate, guilt and tattered blankets covering every inch of me.

The dreams didn't stop after that one. I saw him every night, but tried to ignore it. I pushed them to the back of my mind so I could continue living in bliss, but it all came crashing down with the most recent.

"You hurt me, my love." He looks up at me, smiling sadly. "Nate I-" I try to speak, but it's like my vocal cords had been taken out. "I don't get it, honey. We had everything." Tears threaten to spill out of my eyes.

"We had the life, Y/N. A beautiful baby boy, a nice house, and each other. I thought that was all we needed. I thought that was all you needed." His eyes are sad, pleading.

"You let them kill me, my love. You watched them shoot me and take Shaun, and now he's gone too. This is your fault."

"This is my fault." A mantra stuck on repeat in my head for days on end now.

The dreams feel so real. Like Nate is right in front of me, within arms reach. Like I could just hold him again, like I could go back to the way things were.

I hear a slight whirring by the door, and give Codsworth the okay to enter. He hovers beside my bed for a moment before speaking, "Mum, are you okay? We're worried about you. Even Strong is, though I don't know if he can tell why he's worried." I exhale slightly, thinking about Strong being worried. It's a pretty funny thought, to be honest.

I turn to face the bot. "I don't know, Codsworth. I really just don't know anything anymore." My voice cracks as I speak. I wrap the blankets tighter around myself trying to feel some sense of comfort. "Mum," his voice softens, "that's not true. You know love and compassion, mum. You know what it means to be the light in our dark world. You know how to be the good, mum."

His words make tears spring to my eyes once again. I reach out, taking one of his mechanical arms in my hand. "Thank you, Codsworth. That means so much coming from you." I say reassuringly, withdrawing my hand and returning it back to its place under the blankets.

"But of course, mum. We're all here when you need us, just say the word." And with that, he turns away, leaving me alone once more.

I lie there for a few more hours, letting myself rot, before I think of Nate once more. He wouldn't want to see me like this. The sight of me withering away in bed over him would crush him if he were still here. I scoot towards the edge of the bed, willing my legs to swing over the side, and forcing myself to stand.

I admittedly stumble a bit. Only getting up to use the restroom once or twice a day will do that to your muscles. I approach the bedroom door, hands shaking slightly before turning the knob and entering the rest of the house.

"M-mum! You're up!" Codsworth exclaims excitedly. It's times like these where I wish he was at least a synth. I just know a hug from him would make every problem slip away. The robot dotes on me for a few minutes, making sure I'm okay.

I head out of my house and into Sanctuary Hills, greeting everyone I hadn't seen in the days I was holed in my room.

This, this is what  Nate would have wanted. I smile upon feeling the warm sun hit my cheeks, and get back to living my life.