Forgiven 2 of 4

Chapter 15

Kim watched as the Bob tried to speak, tears stealing his voice from him. She could feel Adam cling to her hand, she wasn't sure what was going on but she knew it was bad.

"Dad, you need to tell me" Adam whispered.

"Anthony wasn't accidentally shot, Adam, he killed himself" Bob finally spit out, "and it's because of me" he watched as Adam processed what he had just told him. Twenty years ago he lost one son, and tonight he just may lose another.

Adam sat silent for a good five minutes, "he what?" he couldn't wrap his mind around it.

Sure, he was only eight when Anthony died, but Anthony wouldn't of killed himself that much he knew. "No that's not possible dad, no fucking way" he got up from the couch and went into the kitchen. He felt like the rug had been ripped out from underneath him.

"Adam, are you alright?" Kim asked as she placed her hand on the small of his back, "come back in the living room, your dad said he has more to tell you"

He turned to face her, "it's not possible, Anthony had it all, Kim. He wouldn't of killed himself, I don't know why he is saying that but he's wrong"

Bob held the yellowed envelope in his hands, he remembered when the officer handed it to Linda. After she read it she threw it at him, and told him it was all his fault.

"Adam?" Bob said as Adam returned to the living room, still in shock "I need to tell you everything and remember I was just trying to protect you"

He held the letter out for Adam to take, "read this, please"

Adam shook his head "no, I don't want to see that" he sighed "why are you telling me this now?"

"Kim, why don't we give Adam and Bob some privacy?" Amy said standing up, "let them talk"

Kim started to follow Amy, when Adam grabbed her hand "no, she isn't leaving"

"I'm telling you this because of your mother, I met with her earlier today and she asked if I had told you the truth" Bob explained "I wanted you to hear it from me"

"You said it was your fault, right?" Adam asked, "how?"

"Anthony ended up involved with the mafia Adam, everyone at the district tried to tell me, even your mother knew something was wrong and I blew it off. Hell, I told her it was just 'boys being boys'.

"I don't remember Anthony being in trouble"

"Adam, you were eight years old, you wouldn't remember" Bob said, "a lot of things happened that you don't remember or that you knew about"

"How come you didn't do anything? Why did you blow it off?" Adam couldn't understand "damn it dad, if you did something Anthony might still be here"

"I was a shit father and a shit husband, Adam" Bob said as he watched Adam pace. "Adam, it's something I will always regret. I need to tell you something else" he braced himself "the night he did it, he asked if we could talk, and I ignored him"

"You what? How could you?" Adam stopped on a dime, "he was reaching out and you ignored him?"

"I'm sorry" Bob said softly "I won't ever forgive myself, I let both you and your brother down that night"

Adam sat on the couch his head in his hands, Kim's arm around him, "you need to leave" he said sternly "I can't deal with you right now"

"Adam, please"

"Just go, dad"

"Come on Bob, he needs some time, let's go" Amy said as she led Bob to the front door.

"I love you Adam, that's why I kept it from you" Bob tried to explain.

"Whatever"

Bob walked out leaving Amy at the door with Kim, "Kim please talk to him, this was hard for Bob" she asked.

Kim glanced back at Adam, "you don't think it was hard for my husband? Amy, he was lied to for twenty years. He's going to need some time, you should understand that."

Adam went to the bedroom, Kim checked on Anthony before following him.

She found him sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed, holding a photograph of him and Anthony as children.

"Are you okay?"

He looked up from the picture "no. How could they lie to me?"

"Suicide is hard for an adult to understand let alone an eight year old boy, I'm sure they thought it was best"

"Okay, I can understand that, but it's like he's telling me now because he's afraid of what my mother will tell me, not because he thinks I need to know" he felt a tear slide down his cheek "he didn't have to die, Kim, I loved him"

She embraced him "I'm so sorry, Adam. He knows you loved him, and I know he loved you"

Adam kissed her, "I need you, Kim"

"I'm here for you Adam, always" she told him.

-------Note------

This chapter I officially hate, but it's not getting any better no matter how many times I re write it.

That's all I got.

As always, thanks!

-Kristi