When Sunflowers wither...

A shot...

Surprise!

I woke up in a room again. There was a 50/50 chance that I would survive that seeing as I was in a hospital. Still my chances of finally resting was quite high so it was worth a shot. Nonetheless I failed once again. I now have stabbed myself to death and tried to bleed out by hitting my neck vein but failed. Otherwise I wouldn't be here for sure.

The first thing I thought was this:

I am tired....

Can I go back sleep a bit....

WAIT....

FUCK!

I failed again.

How was I feeling right now? Sluggish, worn out, just tired and I don't know.. .lifeless? There wasn't any word that would describe how I was actually feeling right now. It wasn't also important how I felt because I knew that there were others who would worry and who would say something against this. Now here is the thing..... Hawks or Eraserhead would be in the room for sure. That much was clear for me. 

So I got myself prepared when I started to move a bit. Someone was surely stopping me any time but it didn't come. No one stopped me from sitting up and looking around. The reason was simple... I saw Hawks right next to me completly fast asleep to the point where he was nearly falling off his chair.

Him again....

Why is it him all the time...

Shouldn't the number 3 have more work to do?

Why bother and stick with a random kid?

I was a bit speechless by now with how much effort he put into this "rescue". Though I don't know if he was the one who actually saved me this time or not, which also didn't matter, I did know that he cared. For once he truly did care but I still couldn't see the point why he should care this much. By now I was starting to be curious. Yes I still think death is my solution to my life but I now wanted to know what this hero had in store for me.

Call me crazy... but getting rescued and stopped twice in a row and waking up in a room with the same person isn't fun.

He had a reason for doing this.

I wanted to know it.

Why me?

Any kid out there who was suicidal should do the trick?

I am not that much of a thicked headed person to not even be able to actually wait and say yeah... ama try to get your point here.... no, I could definitely wait. Life was... well.... long. What did it matter if I would kill myself today or tomorrow or the day after. I kinda thought at this point that I owed it to the hero to at least try his way out.

I mean I tried a lot out.

Being a hero since it was my dream.

Being All Mights successor which was mentors biggest dream after seeing me being quirkless and having the right heart for the job. He jut picked me up on the spot. There was no right place for the heart at all. Anyone could have run to save Kacchan... anyone who knew the kid and still valued them as their best friend and brotherlike figure. Trust me, I am not the only one who would have done something like this in a heart beat for a dear friend.

But I was wrong... he was never my friend.... he just hated me all my life.

My mom...well she was nice to me, she didn't quite care after hearing that I was qurikless. The "I am so sorry" excuse of her when I was 4 broke the both of us. While she did give me every opportunity like a normal child, I knew that she wished so badly for me to have a quirk. Something I wouldn't get at all in this life..... or that was what I thought until I got One for All and gave it away. Then again, she was also the type to let me do whatever I do unless I would get her in trouble as well.

There was also Aizawa-sensei who was our teacher and told me I needed more training, I needed more guidance and I should get my quirk under controll. He was right with everything and I tried but failed. So I don't really have any regrets here. Tho I tried once again.

I tried everything.

I tried living like my mother wanted.

I tried being as quiet as a stupid useless Deku as Bakugo wanted.

I tried being All Might's best successor...

I tried being at UA and get better as Aizawa-sensei told me....

So why shouldn't I give this one thing a shot as well.

At least I can say I tried and I did owe it to Hawks.... he wouldn't be there to save me a third time for sure. Not with me... I wouldn't be able to actually live through that. The moment I did this and failed a third time...trust me, the moment that happens, I'll do no matter what, to get it over with. I just wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I just failed 3 times and the same hero saved me... nah, that would be too much for me.