The Married Life of Jeremy & Andy

The Camper Van

guest stars: Chad Stuart, George Harrison

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Lucy and Matt were very excited today. They were going on vacation.

Jeremy drove up to the house in a yellow camper van.

"What's that?" said Lucy.

"It's a camper van" said Jeremy.

"We've borrowed it for our vacation" said Andy. 

She entered the van with the children as Jeremy demonstrated some operations.

The front controls consisted of a red button, a green button, a yellow button, and a blue button. 

"This button works the sink" said Jeremy pushing the red button.

Then he pushed the yellow button. "And this button works the TV."

"What does this button do?" said Andy pointing at the green button.

"I'm not sure" said Jeremy. "How about we don't press it until we know."

With that, the family drove off in the van along the countryside road.

"We're going on holiday in a camper van" Lucy sang. 

Andy did the driving and Jeremy did the map reading (which he wasn't very good at).

"Hmm. This map is a bit tricky" he said.

"Daddy, we don't want to get lost" said Lucy.

"We won't" said Jeremy. 

He took a harder look at the map. "That's strange."

"Are we lost?" said Andy.

"Uh... yes" Jeremy stuttered.

Another car drove up to them just then. It was George Harrison with his son Dhani.

"Hello, Lucy!" said Dhani.

"Hello, Dhani!" said Lucy. "We're lost."

George strode up to the van. "Lost? Is your satnav broken?"

"Satnav?" said Jeremy squinting his eyes.

"You're driving a camper van P3200. Satnavs come as standard" said George.

He pushed the camper van's green button and a screen turned on and a female voice spoke. 

"Welcome to the car of the future?" it said. 

"Ahh. So that's what that button does" said Jeremy.

"Where are we going today?" said the voice.

"The camper van is talking" said Lucy.

"Clever, eh?" said George. "The computer voice helps you find your way."

"But how does it know where we want to go?" said Lucy.

"You tell it" said George.

Lucy spoke to the screen. "Uh... hello, Mrs Camper Van."

"Hello" said the voice.

"We're going on holiday. Can you show us the way?"

"Proceed on the current road in a straight line."

"Thank you, George" said Jeremy.

"No problem. Have a lovely holiday" said George. 

So they went on, but it didn't take long for them to get an ominous warning.

"Danger. Danger. Oil is low" said the computer voice.

"What's oil?" said Lucy. 

"It's what helps the van run smoothly" said Jeremy.

"Will the oil run out?" said Lucy.

"No, luv. These warnings always give you plenty of time" said Jeremy.

But this was anything but plenty of time. The oil was out in less than five seconds.

"Oh no" said Andy.

"Luckily, I've got a spare can of oil" said Jeremy.

"That's clever, Daddy" said Lucy.

Jeremy grabbed his can of oil and exited the van. "We simply pour the oil into the engine, and..."

But when he opened the hood, he found nothing but an empty space. "Oh."

"What's wrong?" said Andy.

"There's nothing in here" said Jeremy. 

His voice echoed in the empty space as he said, "The engine's gone!"

Just then, another car drove up to them. 

It was Jeremy's bestest friend Chad Stuart with his daughter Kristen. 

"Hello, Kristen!" Lucy squealed. 

"Hello, Lucy" said Kristen.

"We've lost our engine" said Lucy.

Chad got out of his car and approached Jeremy. "Lost your engine?"

"Yeah, Chad. It's completely disappeared" said Jeremy. 

"I'd like to help, old boy, but I don't know a thing about engines" said Chad.

He went to the back of the van and opened what you would think was the trunk.

"I'm probably just being silly, but this looks a bit like an engine" said Chad.

The camper van had its engine at the back!

"Oh yes. Well spotted, Chad the lad" said Jeremy.

He poured some oil into the engine so the family could drive on.

"Thanks, Chad" said Andy.

"You're welcome, luv. Have a lovely holiday" said Chad. 

The trip went on and on, and soon it was nighttime. 

"Are we nearly there yet?" said Lucy.

"Just up the next hill" said the satnav. 

The van drove up the next hill and they'd reached their destination. 

They stopped on top of the hill and closed the curtains in the van.

"Time for bed" said Jeremy. 

"But where will we sleep?" said Lucy.

"Mummy and I will sleep on this bed" said Jeremy.

He pushed a button and the back seats of the van turned into a bed.

"And you two will sleep upstairs" said Andy. 

"But there isn't an upstairs" said Lucy.

"Watch this" said Jeremy.

He pushed another button and the van's roof lifted up, revealing another floor with bunk beds.

Andy tucked Matt and Lucy into the beds. Lucy on top, Matt down low. 

"The camper van is just like our little house" said Lucy.

"On vacation, it is our little house" said Andy.

"Good night, my little ones" said Jeremy.

"Good night" said Lucy.