The lost love's return | Winrina

Seventh

⚠️WARNING: Mentions of family problems, abortion, self harming & traumas. Read at your own risk.⚠️

KARINA

I was at home scrolling through my phone when I heard another shouting coming from downstairs, I took a deep sigh as I realized that I have to deal with this again. Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang pintuan ng kwarto ko at bumaba hanggang nakita ko na ang muling pagsasagutan at pagtatalo ng mga magulang ko.

"Ayan! Yang anak mo, isa rin yang magaling! Manang-mana sa pinagmanahan niya!" My father said and I gulped. Hindi naman na sila palaging nagtatalo dahil una, hindi na rito umuuwi ang papa ko, he would always sleep on his office and he didn't mind it, he was tired hearing my mother nagging that he had to leave his own house.

"Huwag mo ngang idamay si Karina rito! This is yours and my problem!" My mother replied and just looked at the both of them, I wanted to tell them to stop but I couldn't do it, wala akong laban sakanila, at lalong hindi ko sila kayang pag-sabihan dahil ako lang ang magiging kawawa.

I stood there just watching them as they fought, suddenly, I am a kid again watching my parents as they fought and fought until they got tired of yelling.

"Please stop..." I whispered but they didn't budge, they couldn't even hear because of how quiet I was, "Please... Tumigil na kayo..." I said again but still nothing.

All of the pain, all of my traumas watching them fight when I was a kid came back, they're just there and I was infront of them. A tear escaped from my eye as I couldn't help but to tell them to stop.

"Stop!" I screamed which finally put an end to their yelling. I saw how my mother frowned and how my father's face turned into so much anger, I froze. Why...? Why did I do that?

"Tignan mo! Parehong-pareho kayo!" My father said. "Karina, go to your room." My mother said, Hindi pa siya tapos sa sasabihin niya ay agad na akong umakyat at bumalik sa kwarto ko.

I sat on my bed, tears weren't stopping and I was just looking at the wall. Kahit hindi nila sabihin, alam ko na kung ano nanaman ang pinagaawayan nila. My father wasn't happy with his marriage, he sleeps around with other women whenever he wants and my mother doesn't want to divorce him.

Tuwing nalalaman ng mama ko ang tungkol sa panloloko niya, he would always turn the situation around and blame us from everything that he does, from every wrong thing that he has done to us.

Ilang beses ding ipinaalam saakin na dapat ay ipalalaglag ako noong pinagbubuntis pa lamang ako ng mama ko, I tried to tell them that it wasn't true but the word had left a deep scar upon hearing it from my own mother.

Papa said I ruined his life, and so was mama, pero noong tumagal ay unti-unti ring nagbago ang pakikitungo saakin ng mama ko. She doesn't give me the love that I've been craving, but she does care for me, just not that much.

If I wanted something, I have to work my ass off to have it, they're strict, they're mean, they're sometimes the cause of too much pain, But... They are my parents.

Life has always been unfair to me, it was always like this, I always have to feel like this, hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ko pa ito dadalhin. I wanted to leave but I know leaving wouldn't do anything dahil wala rin naman silang pakialam saakin.

Suddenly, I heard a car starting, I looked outside and saw Winter driving off, I wanted to talk to her, but it's too late since she already left. Isa pa, ayoko na ring madamay pa siya sa mga problema ko sa buhay.

She had already done enough for me at alam kong magiging makapal na ang mukha ko kung hihingi nanaman ako ng tulong sakanya.

I laid on my bed, wiped the tears off my face, I just looked at the ceiling for a good thirty minutes thinking about my life choices, until I couldn't handle it all anymore.

I took my phone and went to the contacts and messaged Winter, my hands are shaking yet I am still trying to write the words without typos.

"Where did you go?" I asked keeping my gaze and full attention on the screen waiting for her reply, "Just went out to buy something, bakit?" She replied. I took a deep breath and started thinking if I should do this or not.

"I need you."

We were sitting quietly at her car, she was driving while I was just looking outside as we passed so many buildings and houses, I told her to just drive but finally, she stopped, I looked outside and noticed that we're at the park.

"Do you wanna go out so we could have a nice fresh air?" She asked me softly, I turned to look at her and I could feel my lip twitching as I try to speak.

"I'm sorry." I said. She looked confused wondering why I was suddenly apologizing to her. Hindi ko na rin kasi alam, hindi ko na alam.

"Karina, why are you apologizing?" Winter asked me with a concerned and confused look on her face.

"Because I feel like I've been a big burden to you, Palagi nalang ikaw ang tinatakbuhan ko whenever I am having this kind of issues. Kaya ko naman to mag-isa noon eh, kaya ko naman na sarili ko lang ang lagi kong kakampi, but... I-i feel likes it's too much for me..." I replied and she was just looking at listening to me as I speak.

"I feel so tired, I have to do everything on my own, I was always alone before, kinakaya kong gumising araw-araw na ako lang ang may dala-dala ng problema ko, but now, you came." I said and tears escaped my eyes again.

"You made me feel that I could be weak kapag kasama kita, na pwede akong umiyak, pwede akong masaktan. Ikaw lang ang nakakita kung gaano ako kahina, Winter." I said and cried as I leaned back on the seat. She was speechless, she was just watching me as I speak and tell her about everything.

She remained silent, I knew she wanted me to speak more and so I did, I started telling him about how unfair life is when it comes to me.

"My parents had another argument earlier, as usual." She said. "I am so tired of them constantly fighting, I am so tired of trying to stop them from hurting each other with their own words and hands that I just accept the words to hurt me." I said and tears continued to escape my now puffy eyes.

"And I wonder... Magiging ganito ba lahat kung hindi ako dumating sa buhay nila?" I asked and she immediately shooked her head and held my hand tightly.

"I get it, I understand you." She said. "But it wasn't your fault that they're like that, you have done nothing wrong to them." She said again. "Alam kong naiisip mong it'll be better if you just disappear, you're probably thinking that life would be better for them if you didn't come, that life was easy if you weren't born pero nagkakamali ka." She said to me giving my hand a tight squeeze.

"Everyone has their own problems, Karina, and it shouldn't be blame to another person, kung hindi nila kayang ipakita ang halaga mo, we're here." She said again. "I know they're your parents, pero kung sa tingin mo hindi ka importante sakanila, saakin importante ka." She said again and looked me deeply in the eyes.

"It wasn't your fault, so stop blaming yourself." She said again, I was just crying and she was just letting me cry, she wasn't wiping off my tears, she wasn't telling me to stop... She was just letting me cry.

Until I got tired and eventually stopped, I looked at her and she was looking out but she's still holding my hand. "I'm glad that I could finally be heard." I said and she looked at me, I smiled before speaking again, "Thank you, Winter."