The lost love's return | Winrina

Eighth

WINTER

"Kamusta si Karina? Nasabi saakin ni Yeji na she came to school with puffy eyes ah." Ryujin said. We were at the library, looking for books that we could use for our assignment. I didn't answer her questions because I was too busy, but, knowing her, she wouldn't stop talking until I actually say something.

"Huy! Ano? Sino kausap ko rito hangin? O baka itong mga libro?" Naiinis na tanong niya saakin. I rolled my eyes off and turned to look at her, "It's her parents." I responded and Ryujin immediately understand what I was trying to say with just that.

"Ahh... Parents niya nanaman." Ryujin said and I stopped, nanaman? I wanted to ask her about it but then I remembered what Karina had told me, about how her parents would constantly fight infront of her ever since she was a child and up until now.

I continued looking for a book but I still couldn't push the thoughts away, it must've been really hard for her. She had to go through this every single time, at kapag sinubukan niya namang ayusin ay muling magaaway ang mga magulang niya. But I am proud, she was too strong, she was too brave, and despite all that she still continues to stand up.

I don't ever want to make her feel so low now that I know how everything affects her.

"Hoy, ano ba?" Ryujin said and I flinched, "Bakit?" I asked her. "Kanina pa kita kinakalabit, at tinatawag, mukha na akong tanga rito. Nakita ko na yung libro, ikaw na bahala sa sagot kokopyahin ko nalang ang sagot mo, hehe..." Sagot niya at ngumiti. We went to one of the tables and sat down before we started looking for a certain page. But I couldn't quite focus.

"Next next day pa naman ang deadline nito, diba?" Ryujin asked me and I answered her with a nod. "Sige, mag-usap na muna tayo." She said and her voice turned serious.

"Tungkol saan?" Tanong ko. She took a deep sigh and looked at me, we sat there for a good 30 seconds not saying anything until she finally started speaking.

"What's going on with you, Win?" She asked. "No, no, aayusin ko. What is going on with you and Karina?" She asked again and I could feel my body froze. It wasn't a deep question, I could answer it properly but it feels like it was too hard to answer. I looked at her and frowned.

"What do you mean?" I asked her, she then turned my phone on, "This." She said and showed me my lock screen, my home screen, my cover photo, and the my days that I've been posting these past few months. It was all a picture of Karina except the lock screen, it was a picture of the both of us, me and Karina together at the beach.

"What about it?" I asked her and gulped. "This isn't you, Winter." Ryujin said. "You've never done this to anyone, even to me, kahit nga sa sarili mo eh." She said. I was frowning as I listen to her speak. What is she trying to say?

"Winter, Do you like Karina?"

Again, it was such an easy question, I could answer it in no time, but... It feels like I couldn't. What should I say? I don't know... I don't know how I feel, This is the first time that I have felt this, and... And I don't know how I'm supposed to feel.

"No." I answered and it all felt so wrong. Hindi ko maintindihan kung ano ang nangyayari, but the moment she asked me that question, Karina's face flashed through my mind, I could hear her voice and sweet laughs, I could feel her warmth, I could smell her scent, it's like she was here even when she isn't.

"Winter, hindi naman kita iju-judge. Naiintindihan ko kung ano man yang nararamdaman mo at alam kong hindi yan madali, alam ko ang tuma-" I cut her words off. "No, hindi ko siya gusto." I said again hoping that she wouldn't notice how my hands were trembling, how my knees weakened, how I avoid her gaze, and how little buds of sweat started appearing.

I gulped, I looked around, I did everything to control my emotions, I took a deep sigh and just... Looked at Ryujin who was looking back at me. It's too late, she already noticed what I was trying to hide.

"H-hindi na ba uso ang platonic friendship?" I asked her. "Platonic? You still call that platonic? You guys are like claiming each other already. Na parang walang pu-pwedeng manira sa relasyon niyo. Bakit, ano ba kayo?" She asked me.

"We're... Ryujin, I don't know." I finally answered, Ryujin took a deep breath. She made me look at her and so I did.

"I know how it feels, kasi she was just supposed to be your friend, and I know it wasn't easy. First time mong maging ganito, Winter." She said. "It wouldn't be easy, lalo na against ang parents niya, at ikaw naman, your mother and brother are very religious." She said to me.

"Eh bakit kayo ni Yeji? Bakit yung sainyo okay lang naman?" I asked. "You think na okay lang yun?" She asked me and I stopped talking. "I was kicked out of my house and disowned by my family for committing a sin." She said. "But why does it feels so good and homey if it was one?" She asked.

"Yeji was ignored and rejected by her own parents but after a few weeks we are accepted by them." Ryujin said. "We had to go through a lot before we became like this, before we became stronger. Kasi kung hindi kami naging malakas edi sana hindi kami umabot ng ilang taon." She said.

"Mahirap dahil hindi naman ganito ang dapat mangyari, hindi naman dapat tayo pumapatol sa kapwa natin babae pero what could we do, if we dated a man we'd betray our feelings, and if we dated a woman we'd be sinners." She said again and I knew she was right.

"It wasn't easy, But I will never stop supporting you." She said to me, I felt a relief. "I know when you love, you love hard, despite this being your first time. You're my bff and I know you more than you know yourself." She said again.

We continued talking until we realized that we had been at the library for three hours now. We both stepped out of the library and the first thing I saw was Karina. My heart pounded as she smiles and clung close to me. I sighed deeply and smiled back at her.