"This is stressful..."
Crowds of people were talking on the other side of the door as they waited for the night to start. The noise was quieter inside the bathroom, at least it wasn't as unbearable.
"This is too stressful..."
Zackery, the one that had to be on stage soon, was nervous, it showed in his body. He was shaking softly, and his breathing was hitching. He was staring at his reflection while making sure his tie was perfect.
It was already perfect minutes ago, he was just searching for an excuse to stay longer.
He was having a hard time pulling himself out of the bathroom. He really had to be out there, on the stage, in front of dozens. However his body was refusing to move, he was probably too anxious.
The situation was pretty pathetic, when he thought about it. He was a star and also an idol for so many yet he still couldn't beat his fear. He was alright with being in front of a camera but when it came to live events, he was stuck.
He had to grow out of it but he wasn't sure when he was going to.
At least he was alone at the moment, lonely with his worries. He could take his sweet time before he challenged himself in front of an audience.
...
"Sir, how long will you stand there, doing nothing?" a grumpy voice called out, he faced the sound quickly with a panic. He blushed when he noticed how the janitor was standing there, waiting for him to be done. He cleared his throat, "Is it a bad time to spend some time here?" he let out.
Janitor looked at him with empty eyes, nodding as he spoke "Yes, sir. I have to clean "
He had no empathy behind his words, he had a sharp tongue that left Zackery embarrassed. Zackery grinned shyly, and swiftly left the bathroom. He had to face the stage sooner or later anyway.
He couldn't dare talk to or look at people on his way, he didn't even know where he was going to sit before the event started. So now he had to search for a seat, somewhere empty and safe from the folks.
His initial plan was to hang out in the bathroom until they called out for his name, but now that was doomed.
He could see multiple people waving at him, eager to sit with him. However he couldn't handle such a thing. He wasn't going to sit with someone and let people make rumors, not tonight.
He, luckily so, saw a row of empty seats. Perfect, he didn't have to choose to sit with someone, and if someone sat with him that'd be their choice not his. Sweet.
He lumped himself onto a seat and sinked. He wanted to be out of eye range. He closed his eyes too, he didn't want to be eye range.
The noise was getting louder, people were getting more excited with the event being sooner every second. Zackery, oppositely, was getting comfortable. Good for me, he thought and giggled.
After a couple of minutes, the event was set to start. Everyone slowly got quiet to hear what the host had to say. Zackery opened his eyes, all ears.
"Ladies, gentlemen and everything in between, welcome!" the host enthusiastically opened. Audience applauded, it was finally starting.
The host was Amelia, she was also an actress, and someone he knew from highschool. She and Zackery hadn't really crossed paths in the industry, they were completely different genres. One was a horror icon, and the other was a sweetheart on a romantic comedy.
Zackery crossed his fingers, hoping he won't have to interact with her while he was up there. Those two had massive dating rumors, and the rumors being born again would be tiring.
Then it hit him that he was going on stage soon, in front of thousands in the same room, and millions on live television. The panic had surrounded his lungs and he had to deal with that, he would absolutely love to listen to his industry friends' achievements. However he had to put himself first.
He closed his eyes again, trying to calm himself down.
It was going to be over soon!
He just had to put his best performance, for himself and his fans. Mostly for himself. He had to please himself the most.
You don't care about what people think– just be fine with yourself, he thought.
But he did care about what people thought because he was going to be present. He was going to exist for them, he was going to be in their eyes and minds soon.
He just had to-
...
...
...?
Oh?
He felt eyes on himself...
...as if someone was watching over him.
He knew he was in a dark part of the saloon, and the cameras couldn't catch his reaction under this light... so... who was staring at him?
He put his one hand on his heart, it was beating a bit fast. He layed on his seat, inhaling - exhaling.
Who the hell was staring at him?
"Sit up, you're going to make your attack worse."
What?
What the fuck?
Who the hell was talking to him?
He widened his eyes, sitting up. He stared at where the voice came from, but it was too dark to see anybody.
"Excuse me?" he said, his voice cracking yet sounding too obnoxious. He didn't mean to, but he did anyway.
He could feel whoever was speaking to him was rolling their eyes, "Jeez I'm just trying to help you. You're on stage soon, aren't you?"
He felt a stab on his stomach once he heard those words. Stage? Soon? Was he out of it that long? They were just starting. He could swear they were just beginning.
It was true, though. He was welcomed to see the screen with his lead show on. Oh my god, too soon. His head started spinning, his chest was about to explode.
He didn't know if he was creeped out or glad that person... guy...? warned him. He was also mad at himself for being unable to thank them. His manners... Were there any lately?
He slowly stared back at the dark void, the source of the voice. Who the fuck was this?
"...and Zackery is here with us tonight."
Oh shit.
Oh shit, he thought when his name echoed in the room.
He couldn't move a muscle, he was still staring at the darkness. He was too curious and nervous, his body stopped working.
An applause was heard, the cameras were on him and the lights...
He almost died when the light hit his seat.
It wasn't only because he was exposed to people.
He couldn't help softening his face.
It wasn't only because the light was too strong.
His eyes were never going to close, they had to stay open to consume what he was seeing.
It wasn't only because he couldn't fail in front of millions.
He felt as if it didn't even matter, he didn't care about the audience that moment.
There was a reason, a deep lost reason that bloomed again.
He wanted to be out of the saloon, not because of his stage fear. It was the fear of the past. It was the fear of memories.
It was mostly because Alexander was in front of his eyes.
