Finding all the Good Graces

CH.6: I Respect your Decisions

When I told myself I would stay away from Cecilia, I guess I did not stop to think about just how hard it would be. Have been in relationships before, normal romantic relations, which weren't very emotionally involving.

What I feel for Ceci is unexplainable. The more I stay away the more attracted to her I feel.

I am currently on work leave, and I decided to stay in London with my parents. Days pass by, and each day, what I want more than anything is to hear her voice, and see her. Why I am so drawn to her, I do not know. So I remind myself every minute that I made a choice to stay away. It is going to be hard, but I can handle hardship.

I keep busy every day, and because I have taken a six months off duty-leave, well keeping busy simply cannot cut it.

I was supposed to retire at thirty two. The goal was to experience the world and get to serve the country while at it, and then later on settle down and take over my grandfather's company. I was supposed to retire a year ago, but Mick died, and somehow I felt the need to blow off steam. My grandfather understood and added two more years to my exploration.

Somehow the rebellious side of me took it a little too far. I decided four years maximum was better.

So now that I am back, grandfather keeps pressuring me to make a decision. I guess this is because I haven't told him that I already sent in my resignation letter. It will be a surprise, and an apology.

I love my grandfather, I grew up around him since my parents were never around most of the time. So I owe him so much, and that is why when he made the decision to make me the sole inheritor of his company, I complied. It is an easy way to make money, someone may say, but it is also a great responsibility.

I did take my time off duty to study business administration, that may come in handy. But right now, I simply want to acquaint myself with the organization's operations. That is why I chose the position of an operations manager.

Tough as I am, I cannot help but feel anxious. It is my first day at work, I and although I know most employees at the company, working with them is a whole different story. I've been a leader before, but leading trained officers who follow commands to the latter is different from in an institution where people value their personal opinions.

As I walk into the company, my grandfather besides me, I can feel his pride, as well as my anxiety getting the better of me. I am a big guy, physically, but I feel stronger in an outside world compared to when I am cooped-up in an office.

The first day goes so well. It's mostly about getting caught-up with company's projects and the strategies applied.

The rest of the week is a marathon, and I am catching up, a bit distracted. At least by the time night comes, I am physically and emotionally exhausted since I move up and about and converse with different people all day.

The part of me that takes non-stop is simply non-existent, and I prefer having to stay alert. While learning different things, I am also learning how to let my guard down.

It's been a month since I spoke to my friends, so I scheduled a call with little Jack in the evening, but I can't help but hope that Ceci will be there.

Mrs. Lewis, Mick's mother wanted to be present during the call, and so does my mother. All for the hope of seeing the little man. However, my plans are a bit different.

The anticipation doesn't pay off when in the end Cecilia is not around during the call. Apparently she had dinner plans with a colleague. A part of me is thankful because my mother would have decoded the situation, but the part of me that misses her is completely in shambles. Not knowing whether or not she is dating, even after I decided to give her space is very uncomfortable. It feels as though I do not know my position in her life. Pretty awful.