Look Alive, Sunshine (Frerard)

[2]

Gerard, who usually sat alone during meals, now had someone to sit with.

As they filed into the small cafeteria, Gerard told Frank about how meal times worked.

"You don't choose what you get, and you have to eat all of it. Even if you're full, you need to finish." Frank nodded. 

"Eating disorder prevention?" He asked, and Gerard nodded.

"Precisely." They got up to the front of the line, where the cafeteria workers dumped food onto their trays, and they moved on.

"Are you on any medications?" Gerard asked. Frank shook his head. "Oh. Well if you were, you'd get 'em now, they usually give 'em at meal times, so yeah. Oh, and they'll probably put you on some while you're here. It's almost inevitable." Frank shrugged, and stated,

"I've been on and off meds so much, it means nothing to me." The teal haired boy says nothing as he guides Frank to the table he usually sits at. They eat in silence for a few minutes before Gerard says.

"The food isn't very good, so it doesn't help with the fact we have to finish all of it." Frank scoffs.

"Yeah, I second that." Neither of them knows what to say to the other, so they eat in silence. Frank finishes before Gerard, and pushes the bleak tray away from himself. He watches as Gerard slowly pushes the food around his tray.

"You still hungry? You can have this." Gerard tries to push the tray towards the younger, who shakes his head.

"No, you need to eat it. Plus I'm not down for more of that shit food." Gerard laughs quietly.

"I'm not..I don't want it." He tells Frank. The dark haired boy sits quietly, inspecting the taller ones mannerisms. He twirls his fingers around, almost anxiously, seemingly trying to find a way to avoid further conversation. Frank didn't want to pry further, but curiosity gets the best of him.

"I-Why don't you want anymore? Food, I mean." He inquires. Gerard sighs.

"I'm not hungry. This meal isn't my favorite anyway." Frank nodded, but before he could respond, a nurse called them back to their dorms. Frank got up, and Gerard tried following him, but a nurse stopped him.

"Gerard, sit back down please." He looks at his roommate with desperation, and Frank can only frown back at him. 

"Go on, go back to your room." She tells him, and he trudges away silently.

-

The next time Frank saw Gerard was later that night, maybe an hour later. He came in, and looked sick to his stomach.

"I-what's wrong?" Is all Frank can ask him. Gerard doesn't answer, and goes straight to the bathroom. Without bothering to close the door, he kneels on the floor with his face over the toilet. Frank got up to walk over and check on him.

"Are you okay, Gerard?" He asked timidly. Gerard ran his fingers through his hair, beads of sweat running down his forehead.

"I'm-fine, I just, I just don't feel good.."  Frank rubs the older's back, trying to soothe him. He didn't know how else to make him feel better. They sit in silence for a few minutes, before the older one suddenly dry heaves a few times, before finally throwing up into the old toilet.

Frank stands there calmly, holding the older's long hair back until he stopped. Once he was done, tears stung at his eyes, and his chest hurt.

"Are you alright?" Frank murmured. Gerard got up weakly.

"I'm..yeah m'fine."  He shakily walks back to his bed, weak from throwing up. Frank follows him, making sure he's okay. Gerard sits down on his thin mattress, and says.

"I have an eating disorder." Frank looks up.

"Hm?" He hums, questioningly. Gerard repeats himself.

"I have an eating disorder. You asked earlier why I wasn't eating. That's why." Frank nodded understandingly, and Gerard continued.

"So, they made me stay and eat. It started as anorexia, but I swing between that and bulimia, so when they make me eat, I eat too much. When they notice that, they'll make me eat less. It's a fucking never ending cycle..." He trails off, voice cracking .

"That's why you're here then?" Frank asked, and he nodded.

"Yeah. That's the story of my life, I guess." Gerard responded. The younger only sat next to him, rubbing his arm soothingly. A nurse suddenly appeared at their doorway, and flicked the lights off.

"Time to go to sleep. Go to your own beds. Now." And with that she walked away. Frank looked at the owner of the bed.

"Goodnight, Gerard." 

"Goodnight, Frank." The dark haired boy walked to his bed.

It's been less than a day since I've been here, and I'm already so close to this guy. This is why I always end up hurt. I get attached too fast, and it scares them away. They leave, and I fall into this cycle over and over..

Frank couldn't sleep for more than a consecutive hour during the night, because no matter how hard he tried to block it out, the nurse who kept shining a flashlight into his eyes from across the room woke him up.

The next morning, he asked Gerard about it.

"Oh yeah, they do that to make sure no ones, like, killed themselves, or that everyone is sleeping. Something like that I guess." Frank nodded in response.

"Ok-makes sense." Breakfast went on, same as yesterday. They got their food, sat down, and Gerard didn't finish all of his.

"Gerard, you might as well finish your food. You're going to have to either way, and it'll be less painful if you just do it now." Frank told him softly. Gerard shook his head.

"Look, I appreciate that you're trying to help me, but I-I just can't. Just the thought of eating it makes me wanna puke." Frank sighed.

"I don't want you to have to stay here then come rushing back into the room puking again." Gerard shook his head.

"I can't fucking do it, Frank." Frank sighed. 

"If you take one more bite, a good one, I'll eat the rest so you don't have to stay. But you have to eat one more bite. Of each thing on the plate." Gerard looked at the plate, thinking about the offer.

"Yeah..Okay, fine." He slowly picked up his fork, picking up a bite of each food on his tray, painstakingly chewing and swallowing it. Frank watched him, making sure he swallowed each one.

When he was done, Frank smiled.

"See, you did it. I'm proud of you." He told Gerard. Gerard smiled, showing his small teeth.

"Thanks, Frankie." Was all he could mutter out as he pushed the tray towards the younger. Frank hoped his blush wasn't obvious.

"You're-you're welcome, Gerard."

God, I hate my stutter..

-

Hey yalllll

I hope you're enjoying this so far <3 I'm pretty excited for where this story is headed, I hope you guys are too :)

Eat food, drink water, take your meds, stay safe <3

-Leebit With Lettuce (Party Poison ver.)