A Drizzle of Home

27 | A Drizzle of Shadow

Standing outside, I lifted my nose to the serene nighttime sky, breathing in a crisp breath of air. It didn't do much to calm my swirling mind. The stars twinkled above me, spattering the darkness with a pattern that those of the earth would never understand. Luna was in charge of her garden in the sky, of placing each star in the perfect position to shine down on wolves below and show them their light.

I only wished they would shed a little light on what came before this. Why pieces of my past floated around in the pool of my mind, only surfacing as the tide pleased, which seemed to have no real order. I shook the image from my head once more. The tan wolf, my friend in a life I knew little about. Shore. I tested the word on my tongue before quickly sealing my lips. There was no reason to remember her, to get attached when I'd never see her again. The other name sank to the bottom of my stomach. Another mother, destined to leave me.

Determined to make it back to my den without distraction, I trudged onward while filling my brain with only thoughts of empty darkness, or curling up into a peaceful, thoughtless slumber. I could only hope. But Cloud was there, a presence that meant warmth and safety, just to have her near. Even then, it wasn't all peaceful. Being too close meant my mind was flooded with more thick, conflicting fog.

As I passed by Mist's den, the gentle thrum of a voice caught my ears. It was her deep, gentle tone, speaking softly. I didn't think I'd been loud enough to wake anyone, hobbling as quietly as I could on three legs, but she wasn't speaking to me.

"...won't be as good as one of Drizzle's," she said. At the sound of my name, I padded closer, on the tips of my toes, trying to make out her words. "But fine, I'll tell you a story."

I was tempted to turn and walk away, too tired to sit through a story, but another part of me was piqued, curious to hear what kind of tale she had to tell.

"It starts with a wolf who lost his way. We'll call him"––Mist's tongue clicked in thought––"Shadow."

I let my rump meet the ground, settling in for the story.

"Shadow was just an ordinary wolf. He had a normal life, a normal pack. Then one day, he lost it all. Shadow was left without a family. He had nowhere to go, no home."

A confused hum filled my throat, but I quickly stifled it. What was this story about?

"Until a light came and showed him the way," she told them. "Only, it was a wolf. Her name was Shine, and she had a loving family of her own. There was a pureness to her heart, kindness in every word she spoke. She invited Shadow to join them, to lessen some of the darkness in his own life."

"He still struggled, sure, from his scars and a past shrouded in darkness. He didn't think he fit in, that a pack could ever accept him as he was. What he didn't know is that they accepted him from the very start. All they were wanted was for him to accept himself.

"On his journey to belonging, he and Shine grew closer every day." Mist paused, and my belly swirled at the sudden change of plot. "They were the best of friends, a pair that complimented the other in ways their pack never could. Like Luna and Sol themselves, Shine helped her shaded partner glow and reveal the light inside, while Shadow tore down her dam of sunlight, letting her pour out the darkness in her heart. They were exactly what each other needed, all along.

"It seemed like the rest of their pack were the only ones who could see it," she said with a giggle. My muzzle scrunched. I didn't think I liked this story. "Shadow knew he had feelings for her. Odd flutters in his chest, warm, glowing stars in his heart. But for some reason, he was confident that Shine didn't feel the same way. He closed his feelings off from her, worried that his affection would slip and Shine would turn him away. He couldn't handle any more pain or the chance that he might lose her as a friend.

"Meanwhile, Shine was doing the same. She covered up her feelings with excuses and laughs, a facade of disinterest anytime she was around him. Shadow didn't quite know how to see past it, but the rest of us—I mean them..." Mist let out a cough. "They could see clearly. She was scared to let him grow close, to let him in, because of her own fears.

"If neither of them ever took a chance, faced their fears and was honest with the other, they would never know. Because love can't be planned. You will never know exactly how the other feels, not until you ask. And they'll never know how you feel, not until you tell them." She took a deep breath, exhaling with a contented sigh.

I'd heard all I needed, not interested in how the story ended. It made me feel lost, conflicted, and mostly––exposed. How could she know so much, when I said so little. Not to her, not to Cloud. Not to anyone. But maybe it was the things I didn't say, the words and fears shrouded in darkness. She knew my shadows better than I did.

Back on the edges of my paw pads, I slipped away from the entrance to her den, hoping to escape unnoticed. A tiny, skittering sound stopped me in my tracks, and my nose snapped to a pebble I'd kicked toward the tunnel. Head dipped and teeth clenched, I hoped she hadn't heard––

"Dusk?" Her voice called out.

I held in a sigh. Maybe I could just walk away and she'd think that it was nothing. Or perhaps she'd think that Dusk bailed on her while her own pups sat inside, only to get up and find my scent out here anyway. Resigning to my fate with a huff, I stepped inside.

"Oh. Hey, Drizzle."

I plastered on a fake grin. "Yeah, sorry," I said. "Didn't mean to disturb you. I was just getting some air."

Mist nodded, a grin on her muzzle. A sparkle of mischief glinted in her eyes. "You're fine. Was Cloud being too suffocating?"

With a laugh of my own, I tilted my head a little. "Something like that."

Mist glanced down at the pups curled in front of her paws. All four were sound asleep, still and silent as if they hadn't been disturbed in a long time. It always took them a little while to fall asleep after my stories.

"We haven't spoken in a little while," she whispered, meeting my eyes once more. "But just know that I'm here, whenever you want to."

I let the word sink in, examining her features in the dim light. A gentle gaze, a knowing smile. It was all the assurance I needed to realize that she was, firstly, a liar.

Even more so, a guide. A mentor, a teacher, a mother. It seemed no matter where I went, I'd always have another. And maybe now, I also knew what I needed to do.

"I know," I said softly, backing out of the den. "Goodnight, Mist."

"Goodnight." And as I walked away, I swore she muttered something else. Shadow.

I rolled my eyes, and with a few quiet strides, I was back in my own den, shivering at a new, chilly draft in the stone chamber. My sleeping spot would be cold and uncomfortable, and Cloud lay shivering in the corner on the other side. Her muscles rippled slightly beneath her thick, soft fur. I hesitated, but went to lay beside her. Muzzle next to hers, the gentle grumble in her breathing filled my ears, and the steady beat of her heart thrummed against my side.

Warmth covered us both from the shared body heat, and she eased into a peaceful rest. Before I could close my eyes, she was nestling closer, burying her smaller face into the fur of my neck. Her wet nose tickled my skin, but the fire it kindled in my chest burned much stronger.