in dreams

chapter ten - air

"hey, it's ji. call me back when you get a chance."

"hey hyunjin, just calling to see if you wanted to meet up or hang out. i swung by the bookstore today, and you weren't there."

"hyunjin? it's jisung again. can you call me back or text me or something, man? i don't know. you haven't been in class for weeks. call me back. bye."

"hyunjin, im coming over. i didn't wanna overreact, but you're really freaking me out."

hyunjin listened back to the voicemails for the third time this week. he wondered when jisung would be coming after the last one he left, what, an hour ago? it wasn't like he was actively avoiding him. well, it wasn't what he wanted to do anyway.

"jin?" chaejun called from outside, probably sitting at the dining table. "are you talking to someone?"

"no, baby. just listening to the lecture i missed in class." hyunjin held his breath until chaejun hummed his approval. this was one of the parts of chaejun he had missed the least. the lack of freedom. whenever he was with chaejun, he basically lost all autonomy in favor of not causing issues or stupid, petty fights. that meant staying home, not seeing friends, and just doing whatever chaejun wanted from him. if that meant skipping class for weeks at a time to stay home, hyunjin would comply. if that meant missing work so chaejun could 'spend more time with his busy boyfriend', hyunjin would call in sick for days in a row.

avoiding jisung wasn't necessarily a part of this, but hyunjin just couldn't stand to have him be right. he didn't want jisung to be pushed away because of chaejun, so he did it first. he did it himself.

hyunjin sighed, turning off his phone before getting up from his desk to join chaejun at the dining table.

"hey, baby. you need help with class?" chaejun looked up, holding an arm out for hyunjin to come into.

"no, just want some fresh air. you wanna go for a walk?" hyunjin slung his arms around his boyfriend's neck as chaejun's outstretched arm wrapped around his waist comfortably.

"walk? this late?" chaejun checked his watch. 23:10.

"you've been out later.." hyunjin spoke gently, scared to stir up a fight.

"that was because you were always out late. i was just trying to see you." chaejun, thankfully laughed, but it was clear to hyunjin that he wasn't going to go with him.

"i can just go myself then? i'll be back soon." hyunjin tried to leave, but chaejun's arm pulled him back roughly.

"no way you're going out this late by yourself." hyunjin laughed, trying to pry chaejun's arm off.

"come on, i used to be out way later." hyunjin tried to keep light, but it was pissing him off that chaejun wouldn't even let him out for air. and it was scaring him how his hold got increasingly less gentle.

"hyunjin." chaejun pulled him down into his lap. familiar for hyunjin, but very uncomfortable in the moment.

"fine." hyunjin gave up, no longer struggling against him, but still not relaxed.

"i know something else that'll make you lose your breath." chaejun held hyunjin by either side of his waist, humming suggestively as he started to kiss hyunjin's nape. hyunjin's skin erupted in goosebumps. for hyunjin, it was like when a scared cat's hair rises in spikes when it's scared, but chaejun took it as encouragement.

"i needed to get air, not lose it." hyunjin tried to laugh in attempt to keep the situation light, pushing off of chaejun, who frowned at him in discontent.

"we're back together now, why do you keep shutting me down?"

"it's nothing to do with whether we're together or not, jun," hyunjin felt bad putting chaejun down every time, but he just.. "it's just not what i want. not right now." 'not from you.'