in dreams

chapter four - you don't get to miss me

hyunjin didn't move from the couch. jisung had his head rested on his lap, and he didn't want to wake him. he couldn't really tell how long it had been since jisung fell asleep. his phone was in the room over, so it wasn't like he could just check either.

"i wish i could sleep right now. this would be a good time to sleep." hyunjin whispered to mostly himself as he started to stroke jisung's soft brown hair gently. he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.

not that there was anyone to fool, but hyunjin was definitely not sleeping.

"i wonder if felix is waiting for me," he started to wonder aloud. maybe if he talked enough, his mouth would get tired, and his mind would, too. "he said see you tomorrow, but i'm not gonna be there," hyunjin hummed a bit, still subconsciously petting jsung's head in his lap. "he's really gonna hate me when i don't show up today. especially after i was so mean yesterday.."

"no he won't.." hyunjin heard a soft, drowsy voice reply to him and jumped slightly. "ow.." he looked down to jisung, whose head he had displaced from his lap when he got startled.

"jesus, you scared me," hyunjin rubbed jisung's neck as he sat himself up beside him. "sorry, you okay?" jisung nodded in response before snuggling himself closer to hyunjin on the couch again.

"maybe you should just go see him again tonight," he yawned and continued briefly after, wanting to finish his conversation but also not really trying very hard to fight the urge to go back to sleep. "say sorry and be nice.. stop putting unnecessary distance between you two.."

hyunjin shifted to adjust to jisung's hold.

"it's not that simple.."

"you don't think anything can be simple. just go if you want to. not just surface level either.. if you really really want to deep inside." the spaces between jisung's words were growing longer, and hyunjin couldn't tell if he even knew he was still talking.

"what about you?"

"i'll secretly sleep in your bed once you're gone.." jisung suddenly lifted his head and removed his arms from around hyunjin. "now go!" he yelled in his sleepy voice and pushed hyunjin a little until he got up from the couch.

"do i look okay?" hyunjin joked, but really he didn't know how presentable he was.

"hyunjin-ah, you look really pretty right now." jisung didn't even have his eyes open, but hyunjin knew he meant it.

~

music lulled in his ears as he walked down the familiar streets. the cool air of the night reminded him to calm down.

he thought about what to say to felix.

'sorry for being a jerk, my ex boyfriend made me into a recluse.' 'hey, sorry for being mean for no reason. im scared of forming close relationships.' 'felix, i really like you, please forgive me.'

none of those really seemed like the best way to move past the situation.

"hyunjinnie!" hyunjin buffered for a second, almost stopping in his tracks. the quiet yell was mostly muffled by his headphones, or maybe there was no yell at all. no one would be out here calling his name at five in the morning.

but there was someone grabbing his arm at five in the morning. the hand spun him around while another pulled his headphones down to rest on his neck. hyunjin almost fell over from the sudden attack, and his first instinct was to push the other person away, but upon lifting his gaze to see who the stranger was, he froze immediately. this wasn't right. this wasn't real.

"hey, baby," chaejun flashed his vile smile and looked hyunjin up and down. "i haven't seen you up close in so long," his eyes traveled back up to meet hyunjin's. "you look good."