Ocean waves (poppy tetanui)

9 🌧️

I took a deep breath, looking at the ocean as the breeze hit my face. For a moment, I felt at peace from everything and everyone. This was my home the water, the surf. I looked down at my board as I gripped the wax, shaking my head to clear my thoughts. Waxing my board was a familiar ritual, one that helped me focus and ignore the world around me.

I knew it was risky going out and surfing alone at 5:00 am, when nobody else was around. I still needed time, but I couldn't stand here and let my heart condition control my life. Dropping the wax, I softly grabbed my board and slowly walked to the water. As my feet touched the sand and the salty water, a sense of relief washed over me. I knew I shouldn't be surfing, but nothing was going to stop me not the doctors, not my friends, not my girlfriend, not my family not my heart.

Running my hand through my hair, I placed it over my heart, feeling the scar that reminded me why I shouldn't be doing this. I dropped my hand, took another deep breath, and stepped into the water. I got on my board and smiled to myself; I missed this. Paddling towards the waves, I felt free. I could feel my nerves tightening from my shoulder to my chest, making it difficult to paddle, but I pushed through it.

When I saw a wave coming my way, I stopped and watched it, looking everywhere admiring it all, I turned around and paddled hard, ignoring the pain. I stood up on my board, doing a couple of turns. My shoulder was tense, but I managed. I laughed lightly, trailing my fingers through the water as I surfed. When the wave ended, I sat down on my board, smiling. This was my life surfing was a part of me.

As I sat there, I heard a whistle. Looking up, I saw Thomo on the shore. "Shit," I muttered, slowly paddling back to shore. Thomo was waiting for me, concern etched on his face.

"You sure about this?" he asked as I approached him.

I nodded, putting my board down beside him. "Yes, I am. Look, this is my life. Surfing is what I love doing, and I ain't gonna stop."

Thomo sighed. "Cameron, it could kill you. Your heart is defective. You and Summer are like my kids now. I can't let something happen to you, her, Ari, or Honey."

"I know, and thank you, Thomo. But I'd rather die happy, knowing I did something I loved."

Thomo looked out at the ocean, then back at me. "If you're going to do this, you have to be safe."

"I will be," I promised.

"You know Summer and Poppy were there the most. Summer slept at the hospital with Ari, Marlon, and Bodhi. They didn't leave that room except for competitions. And Poppy, she didn't leave your side. She held your hand, almost skipped all her competitions for you."

I looked at Thomo, shocked. "Did I really mean that much to them?" I smiled softly. "Thank you."

"You have good people around you, Cameron. And you're a good person. Be safe," Thomo said gently.

"You and Abby have done a lot for me. Thank you," I replied.

Thomo nodded. "Kid, we all support you and care for you. Honey loves you, so does Ari and Summer. We all do."

I closed my eyes for a moment, taking it all in, then opened them and looked at the ocean. "I'll be back."

Thomo grabbed my board. "Let's go home."

I nodded, and we walked to the car in silence, the sound of crashing waves behind us. As I got into the car and looked out at the ocean, I couldn't help but reflect on my heart defect.

It was a constant, looming presence in my life, a reminder of my fragility. The doctors had warned me about the risks, the potential for sudden complications, but they didn't understand. Surfing wasn't just a hobby it was my passion, my identity. The thought of giving it up felt like giving up a part of myself. I knew the risks, and I knew I had people who cared about me, who wanted me to be safe. But in the end, it was my choice.