Call On Me

10

Unbelievable. Lan Zhan's cultivation was one hundred percent compatible to mine. I said nothing throughout everything that was happening. Who would listen to me anyway?

Wen Qing just casually tells Lan Zhan about my treatments and what they do and why I have them. She casually tells him that I am the one person who holds San Bao together. Lan Zhan would be able to play his guqin to help me, but he can also help with the treatments every month if he wanted to.

This time I did speak up, "Hanguang Jun, I appreciate that you are willing to help me, but you have your own sect to worry about. Last time I checked, I once asked you to be friends and you said there was no need. Why concern yourself with me if you do not see us as friends?"

Lan Zhan was silent for a moment. It was as if he didn't expect me to say something like this. My words probably hit hard but I felt it was true. Why did he want to concern himself with me when he didn't want to associate with me back then? How is now any different?

"Why are you being so stubborn?" Wen Qing asked, "not only does he have the ability to help, he also wants to help—"

"I do not want his help!" I said loudly, cutting her off, "why help me now when I needed help long ago? No one helped me out then! Why do people suddenly worry about me now?"

Qing-Jie looked as if she didn't know what to say.

"When I was taken in by the Jiang's I was thankful. Their hospitality turned out to be a great way for them to manipulate me for so long that I believed everything they said to me. I belonged there but I didn't. I was incredible but I wasn't. I was struggling to impress everyone so I didn't have to worry about being left behind again," I ranted, "now when I am at the lowest point, only now do others feel the need to step in and help me. I've learned long ago to never count on anyone's help. I am doing these treatments for the sake of San Bao. If not for this sect, I would have let the last of my cultivation slip away and just live as a normal person. I'd leave everyone and everything behind. So why now, do people feel the need to help me?"

It was silent for a moment before anyone said anything, "May I speak with him alone?" It was Lan Zhan.

"If you can talk some sense into him, by all means," Wen Qing said and left me alone with Lan Zhan.

I then noticed him place a ward around the room for more privacy, "Wei Ying, if you are upset with me, please do not take it out on anyone else," he said.

I scoffed, "I am not taking it out on anyone. Hanguang Jun, do you have such good morals now that you have such a title?"

"I was wrong to push you away back then," he said, "but I only did it because it was the only thing I knew how to do. That and rely on my teachings. My world was quiet and lonely before you came and it was loud and chaotic after you came."

"Hanguang Jun, it's going to take a lot more than an apology to fix this," I said, "I never tried so hard to be close to someone. All my efforts were in vain. The one time I tried to get close to someone I actually wanted to be close to, failed. I am tired of all these false promises and hopes. I was promised a home in Lotus Pier, but the moment it was burned down and everyone killed, I was the one who people blamed for it. I was told that Jiang Cheng and Shijie would always be there for me, that was also a lie. Jiang Cheng isn't at all concerned about where I am, he never asked for me, even after knowing I was here. Shijie still sticks around, but I don't want to burden her. I don't want to burden anyone else...I'm just so tired of it all."

"Please give me a chance to make it up to you," Lan Zhan said, "give me a chance by letting me help you with your treatments. There is also that issue in Yiling."

I didn't say anything. I sat there on the bed leaning against the headboard with my arms crossed looking out the window beside me. I didn't want to look at him. If I did, I would start crying.

"You must trust me," I heard him say.

It made me look at him, "huh?" I questioned.

"To tell me all that you hold deep in your heart, you must trust me. To speak of your pain like that," he said, "unless you just felt like venting."

He had a point. It was just him and Wen Qing earlier. I trust Wen Qing and I tell her everything on my mind. It was something she had me promise her. If I am upset, talk to her. I don't know if it's because it was out of habit now that I just spoke it all out and I did not care about Lan Zhan hearing it, or I was okay with him hearing as well.

"It was probably due to a habit I recently picked up," I said, "if I am upset, talk to Qing-Jie."

"You would still tell her all that with another person in the room?" He asked.

I didn't say anything because I couldn't think of an excuse. It seems my subconscious still has this trust to Lan Zhan. He and I were never close.

"You trust me, but you just do not want to admit it," Lan Zhan said.

I sighed, "whether I trust you or not, you still pushed me away. I never cared about getting attention from anyone before. When I left Cloud Recesses that day, not once did you even look at me. I tried everything to be your friend. Is it because you didn't want to lose face for your sect? Or that you wanted to keep your Shufu happy?"

"I am sorry, Wei Ying," he said, "I have my regrets. Leaving you at Xuanwu's Cave was my biggest regret."

I looked at him, "why?" I asked.

"Perhaps if I didn't leave you then, I could have helped you when Lotus Pier was attacked. You wouldn't have gone missing for so long. I realized then that I regret not being there for you. You helped me even when I tried to shove you away, but in return, I did nothing," he explained, "that is why I want to make it up to you now. I will not leave here. No matter what."

"What if you are needed for the war going on?" I asked.

"I will have to think on that but I will always return to you," he said, "never again will I leave you behind now that I found you."

I sighed once more, "I will let you help me with the treatments within reason. I do not want you wasting your energy on me."

"Spiritual energy replenishes with rest and meditation. I have been training for a long time. This will not hinder me at all," he said.

I nodded, "knowing Qing-Jie, she will have me rest for the rest of the day. We will have to check out Yiling tomorrow. Hopefully then I should be fine."

"If you need it, we can wait an extra day. I can always go on my own as well," Lan Zhan said.

"I want to go and look myself for what is happening in Yiling," I said, "but if needed you can take my head disciple."

"Let's just see how you feel tomorrow," he said.

"Fine," I said.