Esther

3 - The gods hate me and I don't know why

Alex

Why is everything in my life right now playing out like I'm in a romcom with the wrong person?

Hello? Universe? Whatever deity is bullying me right now, please leave me the hell alone! First Josh crashes my date with Esther and tries to woo her with his stupid gentlemanly gestures and his stupid face, and if that wasn't enough, he's now my partner for the chemistry project that's worth 50% of our grade this semester. Like one of those stories written by a high schooler who shouldn't have access to the internet.

It's early afternoon when I leave my chemistry lecture, barely one o'clock. I groan and massage my temples. No more lectures today! I'm going to go home and pretend to be productive for a while I think. Or not pretend and just read a book. Maybe watch something on the tv. I'm so lost in thought I don't notice Josh running to catch up to me.

"Hey! Alex!"

I wonder if it's too late to pretend I haven't hear him and just keep walking to save myself any embarrassment but my stupid heart flutters and I stop in my tracks, silently cursing myself. Josh catches up, barely even breathing heavily despite his efforts to reach me. For a second, it looks like he's about to sling his arm around my shoulders, but it stays put. He clears his throat.

"I, um," He glances at me, tugging on his sleeve. He's wearing glasses. He wasn't wearing glasses last time I saw him. Come to think of it, I've never seen him wear glasses before-"I'm not good with chemistry. Can we maybe organise some extra time to work on the project?"

I open my mouth, and stupidly say "you're wearing glasses."

He blinks. "Yeah, I normally wear contacts, but I ran out. These are just for emergencies."

"They look good on you." I mentally slap myself. "Sure, we can figure something out for the project. Pass me your phone and I'll put my number in."

I try not to think too much about how close he's standing to me and how god damned tall he is. And why the hell would you say his glasses looked good oh my god. This jealousy business is exhausting. I need to step up my game if I'm going to win Esther, get my head screwed on right.

I change the contact name to 'amazing and awesome chemistry partner' and give him back his phone.

"See you around."

"Yeah...see you."

I'm definitely not even going to pretend to be productive. I also probably need a nap. Like I said, the gods hate me, and I don't know why. Maybe they think it's funny.

Jesus I really need a nap if I'm starting to become philosophical and self-aware. Those are not typical Alex thoughts.

The entire way home on the train, I pull apart our conversation in my head. Again. And the whole movie debacle. It's infuriating honestly. Stupid Josh with his stupid glasses and his stupid face and his stupid smile and I should probably come up with a better word than stupid and I just missed my station.

Just when it couldn't get any worse.

When I finally get home, I throw myself face down onto my bed, my bag dumped unceremoniously onto the floor, shoes kicked halfway across the room. I lie there for all of ten minutes, before my phone buzzes in my hand. Blearily, I unlock it.

Unknown number:

hi

it's josh

:)

I stare at the smiley face. What do I even say to that? I begin to type out a reply, backspace it, type a new one, delete that, lock my phone, unlock my phone, type a new reply, stand up, walk around my room, delete that reply, and end up sending: