Esther

10 - I need some advice but I might not take it

Alex

Something's still off. Esther and Josh have been...giggling. I'm serious! I walk into a room, and they shush each other and start giggling. Or just stop their conversations and just stare at me. And, after analysing their behaviour using careful scrutiny, I have uncovered their secret.

Josh has told Esther that he likes her. There is no other viable explanation.

And now I am faced with a dilemma. Do I tell Esther the truth? Do I risk ruining my friendship with both Esther and Josh? Or do I sit here, with this jealousy boiling inside me while they go off and live their lives together?

Me:

I need some advice

Just be warned

I may not take it

Kitchen sponge:

...yeah?

Me:

So I like someone

But I know that someone else likes them as well

And I think that they are becoming a couple already

Do I tell the person that I like them?

Kitchen sponge:

it depends

in my opinion, let it go

if they seem happy in their new relationship or whatever

then leave them to that

don't force them to choose

Me:

...

Im probably not gonna take that advice

But thanks anyway

:)

Kitchen sponge:

you're and idiot

Me:

Yeah

But u love me

Kitchen sponge:

...

sure

Well that was useless. I lie on my bed for a moment, before unlocking my phone again.

Me:

Hey Esther

Can I meet you at the diner on the corner in 10?

I wanna talk about something

Estherella:

Sure!

And let me tell you now, that's the worst ten minutes of my life that has ever or will ever occur. I arrive first and make a beeline for the table in the corner, our table. I'm too nervous to order anything.

Every time the bell jingles, I whip my head up, expecting it to be her. Another five minutes goes by, then two, each second feeling like an hour. And suddenly, she's there.

Esther sits across from me, resting her elbows on the table. I gulp.

"So, what's this mysterious meeting about?" There's a twinkle in her eye, like she already knows what I want to tell her. I breathe out shakily.

"Ok, so, um, I wanted to tell you...about something. Um. Yeah. Here goes. I like you. As in, like like you. And I know that you and Josh are probably a thing now, but I just wanted to let you know." I nod, suddenly wishing I had something to do with my hands. Are hands normally this big? Where do I put them?

Esther stares at me for a second, and then smiles.

"So, just to confirm, you like like me, yeah? And you told me because Josh also likes me, and we're getting closer."

I nod.

Esther giggles.

"Oh, Xander, I love you, but you're an absolute idiot."

"...what?"

I stare at her. I just confessed my love for her, and she's laughing??? She must see my shocked look, because she composes herself.

"Look, I appreciate the way you told me, and you were very respectful and all that, but you have everything backwards. For starters, Josh isn't interested in me. And I'm not interested in him either, for that matter. And second, you're not in love with me."

My jaw drops open. Forget being confused, now I'm just pissed off.

"What the hell is wrong with you? I just put my entire heart on the line for you, and you think it's acceptable to just trample all over it? I thought we could at least be friends even if you rejected me but now you're just being mean."

There's a moment of silence. Esther picks at the table.

"You're right. I'm sorry I shouldn't have said it like that, but, Alex, I need you to listen to me. Just hear me out. Please."

I lean back in the seat, the vinyl crackling.

"Ok. I'm listening."

"Josh was telling me the other day, that when you two first met, your topic of discussion was me. And for some reason, you two started this rivalry about who would snag Esther first. But I don't think that's what was actually happening. I need you to understand that I saw everything fold out, and while you and Josh were blinded by, forgive me, ignorance and idiocy, I saw everything. And I still do.

I see you staring across lecture rooms just in the hopes that he will glance over, I see you when you reach out for comfort from him and only him, and hell I once saw you almost snap your neck to find him because you heard him laugh. I see the way you lean into him, and when you look at him, it's like he's oxygen and you've been underwater for too long. I see all of this and it makes me start to think that you're not in love with me at all. It's-"

"Josh."

Oh fuck.

My head reels with...well...everything. But it always comes down to one thing. Josh.

Stupidly handsome Josh with his hair and his glasses and his face and oh my god I like Josh.

As in, I like like Josh.

I let him hold onto me when we saw that horror movie, I was watching him under the light of the fireworks, not Esther, I grabbed his hand in the haunted house. And when I needed someone most of all, I called him.

It's not Esther. It's never been Esther. In fact, it's never even been girls.

I stare at Esther as she plays with the sugar packets in the table, and she grins at me.

"See? Now you're getting it! Oh, and also? I've organised for us to go out on the weekend. You, me, and Josh. Laser tag."

She finishes with a wink.

Then she leans over, ruffles my hair and leaves, the doorbell jangling behind her, stealing everything I thought I knew about myself.

And then I remember. I kissed him. I was drunk and stupid and I kissed him.

So I'm essentially screwed.

Wonderful.