Esther

8 - A little too late for coffee

Alex

I think I fucked up.

The only problem?

I don't remember what I did.

Josh hasn't spoken to me all week, but every time I look at him, I catch him glancing away, like he was staring just a moment ago. The second Esther leaves us alone together, he clams up, like he has some secret to hide.

Weird.

I spot Esther eating lunch at a picnic table by herself, and slide into the seat across from her.

"Hey, Estarella!"

"Xander. What's up?"

"Has Josh been acting...weird around you this week?"

She stares at me for a moment, her sandwich forgotten on the table.

"He hasn't been acting weird around me, no. But he's been avoiding you."

It's not a question. I shift under her blunt stare.

"Did something happen between you two?"

I groan and slam my head into the table, then let out a muffled 'ow'. Esther snorts and picks up her sandwich, ripping a bite out of it.

"So, here's the thing," I mumble. "I don't know. We got really drunk the other night and I don't remember what happened but ever since then he's been acting all...stand-offy. I don't know!"

The sandwich is dropped back onto the table as Esther jumps to her feet, her cheeks flushed pink and a look of pure excitement on her face.

"Oh. My. God. Xander, I'll be back." She runs off. I stare after her.

"Can I eat your sandwich?"

She gives me a thumbs up and sprints off. Scores. I shrug and reach over the table, grabbing the half-eaten sandwich and taking a bite.

She doesn't come back.

I pull out my phone and go to text Josh, a stupid habit I know. It only serves as a reminder that the last time we talked was a week ago. Absentmindedly, I start to scroll through our messages.

Each smiley face, each inside joke and funny insult feels like more and more of me is being carved away, leaving a gaping hole where Josh used to be.

And it's only been a week.

I shut off my phone. Esther still hasn't come back, and the courtyard is empty. Lectures finished for the day, I decide to head down to the train station, wishing desperately that I could talk to Josh.

I try to avoid my failing friendships and focus on my chemistry homework, but my thoughts keep drifting back to them, to Josh. By the time I finish my work, it's getting dark outside. I reach for my phone and go to text Josh. Then I remember that Josh isn't talking to me.

Me:

Hey

Can i meet u for coffee?

Ah. My finger slipped.

Kitchen sponge:

alex

it's 8pm

isn't it a little too late for coffee

Me:

Bc I want to talk to you

Kitchen sponge:

...

fine

i'll be at the usual in 10

Before I can register what I'm doing, I've thrown on my coat and walked out the door, my heart beating unpleasantly in my throat.

'The usual' is the diner that Esther, Josh, and I often frequent, though none of us remember the name. It's a non-descript place. Vinyl chairs, checkered floors, weirdly sticky tables. But I don't remember not going there. The bell above the door jingles as I enter.

Josh is waiting at our usual table, with his back to the door. There are a few other people in the diner, but no one turns to look at me. I shove my hands into my pockets and slide into the seat across from Josh.

"have you ordered?"

"Yeah, I got a tea for me and a black coffee for you."

"With-"

"Yep, I asked for it with some cinnamon in it as well. Weirdo."

I grin at him.

"You know me too well."

He raises an eyebrow. I suddenly realise that I have no idea what to say. We sit in an awkward silence for a minute, before the drinks come out. I watch over the rim of my mug as Josh meticulously adds a heaped teaspoon of sugar to his tea, stirring it ad tapping the spoon three times on the rim of the mug before taking a sip.

"So, You wanted to talk?"

"Um, yeah."

"I'm listening."

I pause, taking another sip of coffee. Josh watches me expectantly, his eyes scanning my face. I set my mug down.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"...You don't remember what happened, do you?"

I grin guiltily at him, feeling my face heat up a little. He sighs and runs his hand over his face.

"That makes sense. You were absolutely smashed. Long story short, we acted like idiots, and I made a fool of myself. I was embarrassed. I'm sorry I shouldn't have ignored you."

He lifts his mug.

"To be fair, you also acted like an idiot. Unsurprising though."

"Hey! I'll have you know that I can be very much not an idiot if I want to be!"

Josh just raises an eyebrow. Our drinks grow cold as we slip into easy discussion, although I pretend not to notice how he avoids my gaze, or the way he talks around whatever happened a week ago. It's nearly 10 o'clock before our ramblings come to an end. Josh stands up, swigs the remainder of his cold tea, and slips on his jacket.

"I won't tell you what happened." He leans close to me and grabs my hood. "but I will tell you I would like my hoodie back." He pulls the hood over my eyes.

By the time I free myself from the fabric, he's gone. I glance down at my jumper, and a warm, fluttery feeling settles in my gut.

I'm wearing his hoodie. My smile must look ridiculous. I don't know how I got it, I don't remember why, all I know is that right now, I'm wearing Josh's hoodie.

The only disappointing thing? As I bury my face in the fabric, trying to hide my stupid grin, I realise that I've had it for long enough that it doesn't smell like him anymore.

In a very platonic, bro way.

Because my heart belongs to Esther, as you know. Josh is just my best friend. Nothing more.