love and war: a fireafy fanfic

chapter thirteen: leafy

I take a bite of my food and smile. "Damn this is go damn good!" I state. The food is good. Tastes expensive. Makes me feel like I'm broke though. I can't afford food on my own or for treating myself. I'm always so damn busy.

"You should let me take a bite." Firey says with a smirk, leaning closer to me, holding his fork up. Why does he wanna try my food, he has his own. This guy is such a monster. He eats so much but he's so muscular. 

I shrug. "Nah, I'm good." I say waving him off. He then leans closer. "Please!" He begs like a dog asking for some food.

"U-uh, fine." I say looking away from him, pushing my plate closer to him.

He smiles brightly and takes his fork. He stabs it into my food and takes a bite of it. He munches loudly. 

Disgusting. He's rich but he has no manners. I'd be totally embarrassed if I was him. 

"You look disgusted." He says with food in his mouth. Firey then swallows it loudly. "Why?" I shake my head in disappointment and sigh. "You have no manners do you..." He shrugs. "Yeah, but I'm being myself."

And then I remember Pin's message to me. 'Remember to be perfect but be yourself.' Something like that. If Pin was here she would be more touchy and flirty, but that's not really me. I don't really like hugs, or kisses, anything that's touchy.

I finish my food and set it aside. I watch Firey use his hands to eat his food. He's so childish, it's kinda cute. I pause. What? Kinda cute? He is not kinda cute. I mean he is. But not attractive. Why am I feeling attraction with this guy?!

"All done!" He says. "Let me go get the bill."

"I'm gonna use the washroom." I say not making eye contact with him. I stroll to the washroom and sigh. I glance at myself in the mirror. You're getting weak Leafy. You made a promise and you're gonna keep it. I bite my lip and sigh. But I already broke it didn't I. 

...

It was my first year in high school and I feel head-over-heels for this guy. I liked him so damn much. Everything I thought of, everything I did, it reminded me of him. I was so distracted by these feelings when I did training with Four I got hurt badly. I fell a lot, got hit, got hurt a whole damn lot.

"What's up with you Leafy?! You're the best student we have, and you're acting like this means nothing to you!" Four shook his head in disappointment. I felt guilty. Once training was done I went to talk to X.

"I don't know what's wrong with me X. I'm not acting like I used to be and when I try to I still mess up. Before I didn't have to act. But now I do. My mind is going crazy. What's wrong with me X?"

X sighs and looks up at me smiling. "You're in love aren't you? You've been sighing a lot and you're always all giddy and smiling. Maybe that's why."

I raise an eyebrow. "What do you mean..?"

X grabs my hand. "When you're in love all you think about is them. They are stuck in your head aren't they? It drives your focus away from training, doesn't it? It's annoying but at the same time it gives you a nice feeling in your chest. The way your stomach turns and flips, the way your heart beats fast. It's nice yet annoying."

I nod. "Yeah, you're right." My voice soft. "Were you in love before?" I ask.

X nods. "Of course. I still am. I love that feeling of being in love. Now Leafy, if I were you I would confess to your crush. It would be nice to know if they like you or not."

I shrug. "Yeah, I know. But what if they don't like me back?" 

X shakes their head. "Who cares, your heart will feel at ease."

I took X's words and did what they said. I confessed to my crush and they rejected me. The first thing I did when I went home was cry. I cried.

I made a promise. I promised to never love again. Love was just a stupid feeling. I then made another promise to never make love distract me from my missions. I failed. Both of them.

After that promise the thought of love filled me with a mix of repulsion and anger. The very mention of romance made my stomach turn. I had seen and witnessed the pain and heartbreak love could cause, had seen how it could tear people apart and leave them shattered. The idea of being vulnerable, of opening up to someone and giving them the power to hurt me was unbearable. I had walled myself off, built up a shield of cynicism and indifference. I believe that love was a fools trap, a dangerous game I was determined to never play.

And I still believe in that. I need to stop. I need to not fall in love with him. But I know that would be hard.

Letting go of someone you like was like trying to hold onto smoke – the harder you tried, the more it slipped through your fingers. No matter how much you wanted to hold onto the feelings, they had a mind of their own, refusing to stay put. Every memory, every shared moment, every small thing that had made your heart flutter, it all seemed to taunt you, mocking you for your futile attempt to keep hold. It was like trying to cup water in your hands, desperately trying to keep it from escaping, but no matter how tight you gripped, it still found a way to seep through.

I know that cause the guy kept coming to my mind after being rejected.

Heart, please show me mercy. It's like I'm at war with love.

...

I step out of the washroom and see Firey waiting at the front door. When he sees me he smiles softly. The orange haired man walks to me, "Hey Leafs. Ready to leave?"

I nod and he grabs my arm again. He walks to the car and opens my door. I hop in and wait for him to get in. Once he does he doesn't start the car right away. He stares at me and smiles softly. "Look at these stars. Wouldn't see this in the city."

I look up at them and nod. "They sure are very pretty." I agree.

"Yeah, like you." He says glancing at me with his soft eyes. They're piercing and intense and the corners of his mouth tilts up into that soft smile I like. God, I need to punch him and I also need to punch myself for being this soft for this guy.

I look away and stare back at the shiny stars. I glance at the moon. It's so large and full. If I'm being honest, I haven't really looked up and paused to look at the stars. I've always been so busy with tasks, missions, and helping people I haven't had time to look up. It really is beautiful. The night looks so full.

"Sometimes all you need to do is take a break. To disappear for a little bit, to go in the dark. And then you'll come back brighter than ever. Leafy, I took you here tonight so you can rest. So you can take a break. You're easy to read, at least for me. There's something on your mind." He says his dark eyes are piercing into mine. 

Firey then glances away from me and stares at the moon. "We're like the moon. We go through phases. If there is anything on your mind or you need to escape reality for a bit. I'm just a text away Leafy." 

I stare at him. What. I treated this guy like fucking shit the first times we met, we hung out. And he's offering me to be this kind to me. To me? Hell, I don't have lots of people liking me cause of my attitude but he does? Damn, he really has the balls to take me to dinner after all I did.

I open my mouth to talk but the words don't come out. Instead Firey glares at me, his hand tilting my chin up and kissing my lips softly. His eyes close as he kisses me. I widen my eyes and try to push his hand away. 

Damn he's strong. He just leans in closer and leaves my lips to kiss me again. A bit harder.

Leafy, Leafy, Leafy. What the hell are you doing? The promise Leafy.

He pulls away, looking away from me. God I hate this. God I hate that I let him kiss me. God I hate that I'm falling for him. God I hate it that I'm crying..?

I feel Firey's hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry Leafy. I just did it.I'm sorry." He sighs and shakes his head. His orange hair, sweeping in front of his face.

He lets go of my shoulder and turns the car on. The drive is quiet and awkward at first. He then turns the radio on. I mean, it helps the awkward silence but the tension is still in the air. Once he parks in front of Pin's house he opens his door and runs to my door to open it. 

"Leafy, I'm sorry. But I seriously meant it when I told you that you could hang out with me when you're feeling down." He says apologetic, his voice has a hint of guilt in it too. 

I shake my head. "No, it's fine. I was just overwhelmed. Don't apologize. Please." What the fuck? Why'd I say that. Ugh, Leafy. 

He smiles softly and nods. "Alright then. Have a good night Leafy." 

I watch as he drives away. I'm clutching my hand to my chest. Terrified yet giddy about the kiss. I saw the way he kissed me. I saw the love. I felt him kiss me. 

I keep my hand clutched tightly to my chest. I'm gonna tell Pin everything.

...

Pin's eyes widen in shock and she grabs my shoulders. "Good! Oh my God, you're amazing aren't you! The plan is going so well Leafy!" 

I sigh. "I know."

Pin laughs. "I knew you liked him! I knew it! All we need to do is to get you into his house."

I shrug. "Yeah, I guess it'll be easy now since we know Firey likes me." I can feel the guilt swallow me up. I hate this stupid plan. It's gonna affect both me and Firey. And if I'm being honest, when I saw his disappointed I felt horrible, almost guilty. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I do. I don't want Four or X's teachings to be a waste.

Pin nods while she munches on the chips I bought for her. "Yup! God, I'm so happy!" She's just like Firey, eating with her mouth full.

"You have no damn manners, don't you." I say disappointed. I glace at her and she just rolls her eyes. 

I stare at the stars and smile. Maybe Firey is right. I should take a break every now and then. 

It wouldn't hurt.

Right?