NOISE

29.

“No, listen to me”, Jisung answered. His heart was pounding and he could hear his own heartbeat. Minho shook his head again and turned away. “I can’t”, he sobbed, stopping himself to bite his hand until it hurt. He couldn’t find the words for his thoughts and wrapped his arms around his upper body. “Please just take me home”, he said and walked across the street without waiting for Jisung’s answer. He heard Jisung’s footsteps behind him, knowing he was following him. Jisung handed him a helmet and he put it on without saying another word. His eyes were burning and his chest was aching.

He slid out of his shoes, hung up his jacket and rushed to his room, throwing the door close with a loud thud. Tears were making their way down his cheeks once again and he let himself fall onto his bed, crying into his pillow until the door opened. “Min?”, he heard Jisung say quietly and groaned into the soft fabric beneath his face. “Please talk to me”, Jisung pleaded and he slowly sat up, looking at him with burning eyes. Jisung was standing in the doorframe, fiddling with the hem of his blood stained shirt. “You don’t want to be with me anymore?”, Jisung asked and he frowned at him, letting out a defeated exhale. He shook his head slightly and got off his bed, slowly walking towards him. “There’s nothing I want more”, he said quietly. “But I can’t do this anymore. The constant fear, the worrying, seeing you like this”, he added and gently brushed over Jisung’s bruised jaw with the tip of his finger. Jisung nodded and took a step back. “I’m sorry”, he said with a broken voice and Minho’s chest ached at Jisung’s hurt expression. “Hannie”, he whispered, having Jisung shake his head and turn around. He closed his eyes, not able to hold his tears back any longer.

The door fell in its lock and he heard Chan and Seungmin mumble. “Minho?”, he heard Chan call him and took a deep breath. He walked through the hallway, not ready to face his friends. “What happened?”, Seungmin asked and he shook his head. He didn’t want to talk about it, he just wanted a hug. As if Chan heard his noise, he got off the couch and closed the distance, wrapping his strong arms around Minho’s shaking body. “Did you have another fight?”, Chan asked and he shook his head again. “No”, he sniffled against Chan’s shoulder, gently pulling away. “I think we broke up. I mean, we weren’t even official but-”, he stopped himself and shrugged his shoulders. Chan pulled him onto the couch and tucked him in before wrapping his arms around him again. He rested his head on Chan’s shoulder and followed the movie on the screen across the room while his tears dried off. “I’m sorry for interrupting your movie date”, he mumbled quietly, making Chan hum. “It’s alright, Seungmin’s taste in movies isn’t that good anyways”, Chan answered jokingly, making him chuckle. Seungmin hit him with a pillow and pouted sulkily. “You can’t deny it”, Minho said, pointing at the TV. “This movie sucks, and I’ve only seen five minutes of it.”

He didn’t notice he had fallen asleep until the door falling into its lock woke him up. “Hannie?”, he asked out of reflex, sleepily scanning the dark living room. “Hi”, Jisung whispered and turned on the light in the hallway. Minho squeezed his eyes, trying to adapt to the sudden brightness. He sat up and looked at him, waiting for an explanation to where he had been. Jisung walked into the room and sat on the corner of the couch, keeping distance between them. “I'm here to get my things and think it’s better if I stay at my apartment for a while. Until everything calmed down”, he said and Minho felt his heart ripping apart. “Hannie no”, he whined, trying to move closer to him. Jisung raised his arm, signaling him to stay where he was. “I’m not good for you, Minho. I should have moved out the second my parents were gone”, he said and Minho looked down at his hands, not knowing what to say. He knew it was his own fault for voicing his thoughts and feelings, and for that he felt guilty. “So, that’s it?”, he asked while staring at his knuckles.

Jisung:

It hurt seeing Minho like that, all broken and exhausted from crying. And it hurt even more knowing it was his fault. The only thing he could do to fix that was getting away for a while. Giving Minho space and time to try to heal from everything he had to endure because of him. He got up and attempted to go, being held back by Minho’s hand around his wrist. “Please don’t go”, he heard his broken shaking voice behind him, feeling his heart cramp at those words. “I’m sorry”, he whispered, waiting for Minho to let go of his wrist. He heard Minho’s body shift and felt him tug at his arm, turning him around. Minho put his hands around his neck and looked him in the eyes. “Stop running away all the time”, he said with tears in his eyes, slightly shaking him. “Stop fighting your battles alone. I’m right here!”, Minho raised his voice a little, making him blink perplexed. “For fucks sake, Han Jisung.” He pulled him into a hug and Jisung let him, feeling his shaking arms around his upper body. “I’m not letting you go”, Minho mumbled against his neck, sending a shiver down his spine. “Minho”, Jisung started his complaint, trying to pull away. “No. Forget about the I’m not good for you bullshit. I love you and I’m not letting you go. I’m not letting you live in that house”, he said determinedly, making Jisung smile faintly. “You love me?”, he asked teasingly.