Hidden [COMPLETED]

Chapter 33

Freen finally found Becky curled up in their bed, the lights off and the blanket wrapped tightly around her like a cocoon. Freen sighed and stepped over to her girlfriend, the door sliding closed behind her, plummeting the room into darkness once more. Reaching beside the bed, Freen turned on the bedside lamp, the bed dipped with Freen's weight as she sat next to Becky. The bed was shaking with quiet sobs and the occasional sniffle.

“Hey, talk to me.” Freen whispered because the room felt too quiet and talking seemed out of place.

"I don't know how." Becky choked. Freen's heart sank in her chest.

Freen rubbed her hand on Becky's hip through the blanket. Becky's breath caught in her throat as more tears spilled down her face. Slowly she turned and sat up to face Freen, uncovering her face and locked eyes with her. Becky's eyes were puffy and red with tears, her face wet.

"I hate feeling like this." Becky wiped the tears from her face and met Freen's eyes again.

"I know love and I also know it fucking sucks but it's okay. All the little things in life that gets you down can build up inside and they bury themselves deep within you until one day it just fucking explodes and you are left emotionless and numb at four in the morning, crying into your pillow. I agree with you, life fucking sucks and no one asks to be here in shitty situations, but sometimes we are dealt the wrong cards and are left picking up the pieces.” At some point Freen had turned closer to Becky and wrapped her in her arms.

“It hurts too much Freen, the feeling in my chest, the coils of hatred and anger wrapping themselves tightly around my heart, squeezing it until there is nothing left. I hate feeling helpless, like I can’t do anything about it, that my life is out of my control and I’m just a passenger on this shitty roller coaster ride.” Becky started crying again, the new tears leaving tracks down her face. Freen's own heart felt tight at her lover’s words.

"I thought I was fine. I found someone who makes me happy and makes me feel things I thought I would never feel,” Freen smiled at the confession. “Things seemed to change and I'm finally happy with that person but then bam, I'm sad again."

Becky takes a deep breath, "You never know why, you’re just sitting there one day when something reminds you of a time when things were not so great and you feel this pain in your heart that you thought was gone. And then for some reason you’re crying at a stupid commercial for school supplies because someone cares for that fucking kid, they care enough to send them to school and buy them cool pencils and you are reminded that no one was there to care for you like that.” Freen's own tears started flowing then, her throat burned with Becky's each word.

“So here I'm at three am crying, it's so childish and stupid.” Freen has her thumbs rubbing small circles on Becky's arms.

“Well it’s not stupid. You are strong and smart and amazing and everything you do shows that because here you are, living another day. You’re alive and breathing and experiencing things. Sure, you get sad and wanna curl up and cry and that’s okay, it’s okay to feel that way and it's good to cry. Just don't push people away.” Becky nodded at Freen's words, her chest heaving a little.

“It’s just, I hate feeling miserable. What good am I if I can’t even fix myself.” Becky sobbed into Freen's chest, her tears staining Freen's shirt.

"Sometimes you alone can't be enough for yourself. Sometimes we need others. Right now you're here with me. I'm here for you and I’m not letting you go down that path again. I love you so much, you mean so much to me."

“I love you too Freen.” Becky choked. Her arms wrapped tightly around Freen as she cried into her chest. Freen hushed her and gently rocked Becky, telling her it would be okay and that they have each other.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Freen asks after a while unsure.

"I'm. I want to do this for myself. I want to get help." Becky mumbles into Freen's chest.

"We can still schedule regular sessions. You don't have to stay there the whole time." Freen says running her hands through Becky's hair.

Becky pulls back to look at Freen, "No. I think being away will do me good. It will help me see things clearly. Besides the doctor said this is the best course of action. I have a long way to recovery."

"I'll miss you." Freen's voice cracked in the end.

"I know. I will miss you both." Becky said furrowing herself back into Freen's chest.

Freen's heart felt tight with all the feelings she had for Becky, feelings words couldn’t describe. She was going to miss her deeply, but she was willing to face a life without Becky atleast for a while, if this time apart could bring back the Becky she fell in love with.

A/N: Sorry if I'm making you all cry. Author is going through some shitty times herself.