Meant To Be Yours . 'JoongDunk ' .. ( The Greats Book One )

chapter ten

Joong

You know that reckless thing you don't realize that you're doing till it's already done .

This is what I felt right now , on a plane, in an eighteen hours flight going straight to Bangkok airport..

What I was thinking.. I don't .. all I know now is that I was in an urge .. urge to rage .. to change everything, I can't afford to be afraid anymore...
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The second I landed in Bangkok all I wanted to do was just to somehow take a flight back but I needed to make things clear here first.
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" Oh my god joong.. what are you doing here .. I missed you son" my mom took me in her arms the moment she saw me standing in front of the house. She was surprised, I wasn't supposed to be here now.
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" I missed you too mea" I was cold for a moment I didn't know how to hug her .

" What's wrong joong .. are you okay " she sense it.. why now why she didn't sensed it then .

" No mea .. I'm fine .. I just need to rest " to coward back.. why can't I talk to her .

We both entered the house and the smell of this place always reminds me of the days I cried in my room alone... And I wanted to cry .

" Joong your sure you're okay " she put a hand on my arm and I shivered .. I remember how dunk held my arm like this when I wasn't okay ..

" No mea .. I need to talk .. " I should.. no more running away from the truth that I have a trauma .. I needed to feel accepted by my family, my mom .. " firstly where's fot " my little brother shouldn't here that conversation that's approaching.. I'd rather tell him myself everything.

" He's in a school camp for the rest of the week .. joong I sense that something is wrong "

I turned to face her worried expression..

" Mom can I ask you something " I was afraid of the question I'm about to ask .

" Yes of course joong you can " .

" Do you love me "  the first question..
" Do you accept me as who I am " the second one , the most frightening one .
" Am I going to regret talking to you " the one that made me cry ..

Tears flooded my face and I couldn't take my breath properly.

" Joong what made you ask this" she engulfed me in a deep hug and I sobbed badly like a Little kid that was badly hurt .. like the kid I was several years ago .. I finally cried in her embrace like I wished to happen years ago ..

" Mea ... I'm tired mea ... I've been tired for eight years.. and the fact that I'm tired because of you hurts mea " I confessed with a crying voice and shredded heart ..

" Because of me !!!.. joong I did everything to make you the man who you are now "

" No !! .. you left me to face the world alone .. after dad you know I needed you you know but you let me " I blamed her .

" no joong I saw you're being fragile and I wanted you to face the world as the man I wanted you to be and here you are .. I didn't hurt you " she defended cupping my face.

"No no mom ... That hurt me .. I thought you gave up on me I thought that you hated me for who I am ... I needed you as my ally.. I was a kid and I needed a shoulder to cry on .. " i pulled her hand off of my face but she grabbed my head forcing me to look at her .

" I'm sorry!!!.. I'm so sorry I didn't mean it baby .. I'm sorry.. I love you  no matter what .. you're my son ." She apologized and I sobbed more.

" Mea " I called her .